hello, system.
I don't really write at all anymore, but I feel like writing to an audience. or...something. I don't know who all actually cares about any updates on my life, so if you don't, at least you know i'm alive. if you do, you can keep reading.
Since the last time I wrote (which I don't recall) I've been working at The Limited as a stock associate/support guru. I do everything and anything, basically. I love my job but i'm severely underpaid.
I'm now moved back in with my parents. If you know me at all, you must think I'm psycho because I've been working so hard to get away from their restraints. My life is way too unstable to worry about rent and house bills so I decided to come back to maybe regain control of my sanity.
speaking of which, I'm now going to a psychiatrist regularly and am on meds for depression and anxiety. get out, right? i've got shit to work out and quite frankly i'm not succeeding. it's been stressful especially since I don't have anyone to talk about it with except my psychiatrist (which i'm switching because I need one that isn't only through my university). I don't know, I hope things get better.
I might not be able to go to school next year because they took my financial aid away for sucking at academics. but i'm appealing because I HAVE to finish. extra stress.
i'm also dealing with major image issues. I've had so much crap going through my mind on how to deal with it (healthy and unhealthy) and I'm just hopeless about it. yet again, I feel like I have no support system with these issues. i'm trying to get over it. really. On this subject, i'm just frustrated because I just don't feel comfortable enough with myself to be able to commit to anybody. I'm so ready for a relationship already but I can't stand that I hate myself. I feel like I'm just not good looking enough for anyone. it also doesn't help that my grandma likes to bring up my physical appearance AND my lack of a relationship every second she has the chance. I mean, srsly, how many times can you ignore that stuff?
I hate complaining about things so much. There is so much I have to be thankful for including my mommy (although I feel she walks on eggshells around me ever since I told her about the depression stuff), a great work environment, a puppy that is hopelessly devoted to me, and good enough health that I can make it through the day. How can I keep my head up when everything that is wrong is so stressful and anxiety-causing?
I suppose I can think about my new fabulous (AND FREE) BCBG Maxazria glasses that I got. They are pretty hott.
srsly, if one thing (that I want) could go right, i'd be ok.
Since the last time I wrote (which I don't recall) I've been working at The Limited as a stock associate/support guru. I do everything and anything, basically. I love my job but i'm severely underpaid.
I'm now moved back in with my parents. If you know me at all, you must think I'm psycho because I've been working so hard to get away from their restraints. My life is way too unstable to worry about rent and house bills so I decided to come back to maybe regain control of my sanity.
speaking of which, I'm now going to a psychiatrist regularly and am on meds for depression and anxiety. get out, right? i've got shit to work out and quite frankly i'm not succeeding. it's been stressful especially since I don't have anyone to talk about it with except my psychiatrist (which i'm switching because I need one that isn't only through my university). I don't know, I hope things get better.
I might not be able to go to school next year because they took my financial aid away for sucking at academics. but i'm appealing because I HAVE to finish. extra stress.
i'm also dealing with major image issues. I've had so much crap going through my mind on how to deal with it (healthy and unhealthy) and I'm just hopeless about it. yet again, I feel like I have no support system with these issues. i'm trying to get over it. really. On this subject, i'm just frustrated because I just don't feel comfortable enough with myself to be able to commit to anybody. I'm so ready for a relationship already but I can't stand that I hate myself. I feel like I'm just not good looking enough for anyone. it also doesn't help that my grandma likes to bring up my physical appearance AND my lack of a relationship every second she has the chance. I mean, srsly, how many times can you ignore that stuff?
I hate complaining about things so much. There is so much I have to be thankful for including my mommy (although I feel she walks on eggshells around me ever since I told her about the depression stuff), a great work environment, a puppy that is hopelessly devoted to me, and good enough health that I can make it through the day. How can I keep my head up when everything that is wrong is so stressful and anxiety-causing?
I suppose I can think about my new fabulous (AND FREE) BCBG Maxazria glasses that I got. They are pretty hott.
srsly, if one thing (that I want) could go right, i'd be ok.