i took my time, i hurried up the choice was mine i didn't think enough i'm too depressed to go on...
I'm warning you now that if you're one of those people who are going to be like oh my god shut up... get over it then screw you don't read it.
I know a lot lately i've saying one day how things sucked and then the next that things were great well all i have to say is that the bad has come back again... i freaking hate this. I'll have one great day and then 1122181219 bad ones.
Today quite frankly sucked... now it does so much worse... i'm not okay at all. Things have sucked so bad lately and i'm starting to completely lose control... i can't remember the last time i was this upset... it's been a while that i've screamed at the top of my lungs and just bawled to the point that i don't think i have anymore tears. This is the combination of my giving up, losing myself, and being so lost and confused that i don't know what to do anymore.
Going back to what i said monday...
(Rant- i love how people always say "i'm always here for you, i'll always be here" and then one day that you need them most, they're never there. I hate that. Don't feed me a line thinking that it will make me feel better. It only makes it worse when you don't live up to it. Therefore, when you say it, you better mean it. Then you people also wonder why i don't tell people anything, and keep it all to myself. Well, there's your answer.) It's so true i'm so tired of being pushed to the curb when i need something. I help so many other people with their problems, and lately when everything has been falling down around me no one has been there... even the people that i really need right now. Like today, apparently something was wrong beings that i was crying, blaring music, shaking horendously at lunch and how many people asked me what was wrong? no one. Do you know how much more that hurts? to know that i've been there for all of them and not one of them cared? After all the shit i've been through the past few months, and what i've helped them with as i've been dealing with things, do you know how that makes me feel? it makes me feel like nothing. I feel like i amount to nothing. I feel so used and worthless that i can't stand it... it makes me, it makes me want to be the person i used to be again. I haven't had that urge in soooooooo freaking long until today... it's been that bad.
I'm definitely not okay. I don't no what to do, and now i have to go to this thing for freaking band... where i'll start bawling again, and then i know some people will ask me what's wrong, but i know half of them don't care, or will just be like aww okay... and then go talk about it and say how much of an idiot i am for acting like this. Right now i just need someone i don't even care who at this point to just hold onto me and let me cry... and there's only two people i know that would do that... and they're not here........ and never are..........
I know a lot lately i've saying one day how things sucked and then the next that things were great well all i have to say is that the bad has come back again... i freaking hate this. I'll have one great day and then 1122181219 bad ones.
Today quite frankly sucked... now it does so much worse... i'm not okay at all. Things have sucked so bad lately and i'm starting to completely lose control... i can't remember the last time i was this upset... it's been a while that i've screamed at the top of my lungs and just bawled to the point that i don't think i have anymore tears. This is the combination of my giving up, losing myself, and being so lost and confused that i don't know what to do anymore.
Going back to what i said monday...
(Rant- i love how people always say "i'm always here for you, i'll always be here" and then one day that you need them most, they're never there. I hate that. Don't feed me a line thinking that it will make me feel better. It only makes it worse when you don't live up to it. Therefore, when you say it, you better mean it. Then you people also wonder why i don't tell people anything, and keep it all to myself. Well, there's your answer.) It's so true i'm so tired of being pushed to the curb when i need something. I help so many other people with their problems, and lately when everything has been falling down around me no one has been there... even the people that i really need right now. Like today, apparently something was wrong beings that i was crying, blaring music, shaking horendously at lunch and how many people asked me what was wrong? no one. Do you know how much more that hurts? to know that i've been there for all of them and not one of them cared? After all the shit i've been through the past few months, and what i've helped them with as i've been dealing with things, do you know how that makes me feel? it makes me feel like nothing. I feel like i amount to nothing. I feel so used and worthless that i can't stand it... it makes me, it makes me want to be the person i used to be again. I haven't had that urge in soooooooo freaking long until today... it's been that bad.
I'm definitely not okay. I don't no what to do, and now i have to go to this thing for freaking band... where i'll start bawling again, and then i know some people will ask me what's wrong, but i know half of them don't care, or will just be like aww okay... and then go talk about it and say how much of an idiot i am for acting like this. Right now i just need someone i don't even care who at this point to just hold onto me and let me cry... and there's only two people i know that would do that... and they're not here........ and never are..........