i wish i could explain myself the words escape me... its too late to save me... its too late...

[xintheshadows]

I don't remember anything that happened last week therefore its just not important.

Yesterday sucked, there were a few reasons why it did, but it wasnt that bad... but just there wasn't anything good about it.

Today was blah too. I didn't have first or second period because of a play. Then Chemistry we took a test and what not. Band we played.

Comments

[xintheshadows]

You're melissa right? rob's girlfriend? =](yah and i figured that out before the icon lol) i know who you are we just dont know each other personally but hi. But no it really does mean a lot to me just to know that i'm not alone out there. I mean part of the reason is that i have depression and i have for about 4 years now and just it seems let every day is another bad one... then ill have one good one and a month of bad ones to follow. I always try to keep a smile on my face at school to try and just hide everything even when inside i'm falling apart, and the days that i let it show, people always "care" but i know that most of them just want to know what is going on and could care less. I mean i love Ryan with all of my heart, and i don't see him everyday since we go to different schools and can't drive yet and what not... and i feel like i push him away every time i have a mood swing and when i feel like i dont care about him. And that hurts me so bad. Luckily ive been blessed with a guy that understands EVERYTHING, and we've never fought, and have never had a problem in the entire 2 years almost now that we have been together. I'm hanging in there as much as i can, but i'm not as strong as i was in the beginning, and every time i build up the strength something happens to shatter it. But i'm strongwilled and i'm not giving up that easy... and i can't wait until i can shake everything and finally be happy, and look back and say wow i made it, i guess it was all really worth it.

yah i think its kenwood in itself too... its filled with judgemental people that want nothing better to be in your business and screw things up and make you cry. That school has so much drama and bs in it that makes it hard to keep it all together when the day is at its worse.

Thank you soo much for commenting that really does mean a lot, and just i don't know you helped a lot. Thanks for caring... if you don't mind i'm going to add you to my friends list and hopefully will talk more. If you need anything at all, at anytime i'm here =] ~Aubrey

[wongthis_quani]

im here too if u wanna talk... or anything really..
haha yes im robs girlfreind and yay! you figured it out w/o my corny icon!
rob thinks i have some form of clinical depression cuz what youre describing sounds a lot like how i feel. i cannot wait to get out of kenwood. i hate that place more than my GYN. i know what you mean about picking yourself up ot be shattered, i go through that a lot and sometimes i wonder why bother if i know where ill end up again?
but thats really awesome that ryan is so understanding and that altho you may not be as strong as you were 2 years ago, the two of you still are. its ok to be selfish and not care sometimes cuz you need attention too.
im glad it helped for me to comment, i know it helps to know youre not alone cuz for the longest time i felt like i was.
imma add u to my freinds too.
even tho i cant spell friends.

[xintheshadows]

thanks a lot for being there. It really does help to know that i'm not the only one out that is feeling this way... not many people really understand. And even if they do, they don't want to be burdened by it.

i can't wait to get out of kenwood either, i'm so sick of it... but after i graduate my family is moving out of state to Georgia, so i can get pretty far from here luckily. I go through soo much and then most of the time the stress from people, and school, and family, and life in general just makes everything so much worse.

Yah Ryan's an amazing guy... and its nice to know that he's there to keep me going and understands what's going on and he tells me all the time that things are going to get better, and just its nice to know that even if they don't he'll still be there and still feel the same way about me.

p.s- i was reading through some of your older entries and came across someones about the particular band members that you can't stand... trust me i know completely... and i'm pretty sure i know the ones you're talking about. I'm in the band with Rob, and just i know whatcha mean...