that only happy when it rains thing kinda doesn't apply anymore
Not going to lie.
Nowadays, I really am happy. I could whine and complain and rant and ramble about the stupid things my housemate does. But honestly, it's a bit hard for me to not smile sometimes (:
I like the company of my other housemates. For the first time since I've been in Melbourne, they're easy to live with, make me laugh, make good conversation, and really collective bitching about the above mentioned housemate, helps immensely.
I'm not saying that my years in Melbourne have been filled with terrible sadness or anything. But it comes down to this:
In the first year, I lived alone. I experienced the freedom of being alone, but at the same time also the emptiness of staying alone. I felt disconnected, irrelevant and really, very lonely. I probably didn't recognise it as much during that time, because that "I'm freeeeeeeeeeee" feeling I had from having my own life for once was still lingering. But it impacted me enough to want to stay with my friends.
Which lead to the second year. I honestly thought I would be happier. I'm staying with my friends now! That's the kind of thoughts I had going into the year. It sort of broke down halfway. It got very obvious how very muchly disconnected I still was, and how I had read people wrongly. Friends turned out to not be friends, and the whole thing sort of degenerated. At this point, I really felt lonely. It was the sort of lonely amongst people sort of feeling. Which, to be honest, is completely depressing. In a way it might have been good. I suppose it's always better to know where your lines are than to go crossing them randomly.
Maybe I shouldn't have stayed with friends. Living so closely only means you know too much about another person. And that isn't always a good thing. Staying with a stranger in my third year wasn't that much better though. Sure, you go in without the expectations of your housemate. But it means you don't really know what you're getting into either. I don't want to keep harping on this. I've probably complained about it enough times to various different people.
This brings me to this year. I'd like to think my happiness isn't just because it's so much better than the previous years. Rather I'd like to see it as those previous years leading on to this year. It's like a learning curve (though i always think learning curves are just tedious.)
I realise this ramble is getting exceedingly boring. So I'm cutting this off soon. Basically, I'm happy, truly happy. I hope everyone else is/will be/will find themselves to be soon (or now whichever comes first)
<3<3
Nowadays, I really am happy. I could whine and complain and rant and ramble about the stupid things my housemate does. But honestly, it's a bit hard for me to not smile sometimes (:
I like the company of my other housemates. For the first time since I've been in Melbourne, they're easy to live with, make me laugh, make good conversation, and really collective bitching about the above mentioned housemate, helps immensely.
I'm not saying that my years in Melbourne have been filled with terrible sadness or anything. But it comes down to this:
In the first year, I lived alone. I experienced the freedom of being alone, but at the same time also the emptiness of staying alone. I felt disconnected, irrelevant and really, very lonely. I probably didn't recognise it as much during that time, because that "I'm freeeeeeeeeeee" feeling I had from having my own life for once was still lingering. But it impacted me enough to want to stay with my friends.
Which lead to the second year. I honestly thought I would be happier. I'm staying with my friends now! That's the kind of thoughts I had going into the year. It sort of broke down halfway. It got very obvious how very muchly disconnected I still was, and how I had read people wrongly. Friends turned out to not be friends, and the whole thing sort of degenerated. At this point, I really felt lonely. It was the sort of lonely amongst people sort of feeling. Which, to be honest, is completely depressing. In a way it might have been good. I suppose it's always better to know where your lines are than to go crossing them randomly.
Maybe I shouldn't have stayed with friends. Living so closely only means you know too much about another person. And that isn't always a good thing. Staying with a stranger in my third year wasn't that much better though. Sure, you go in without the expectations of your housemate. But it means you don't really know what you're getting into either. I don't want to keep harping on this. I've probably complained about it enough times to various different people.
This brings me to this year. I'd like to think my happiness isn't just because it's so much better than the previous years. Rather I'd like to see it as those previous years leading on to this year. It's like a learning curve (though i always think learning curves are just tedious.)
I realise this ramble is getting exceedingly boring. So I'm cutting this off soon. Basically, I'm happy, truly happy. I hope everyone else is/will be/will find themselves to be soon (or now whichever comes first)
<3<3