(no subject)
So yeah, lately things feel like they have gone to shit. my relationship is falling apart and i dont know how much long i can keep doing this. everything changed, she changed.i care too much and she doesnt care enough. i feel like im invisible to her. like im just there, like she isnt all happy and excited to be with me like she used to be. im just not happy as much as i used to be. im becoming less and less happy. and i dont think this is going to last much longer. bout a week ago another guy came along and charmed her and i almost lost her. i almost got left for a 15 year old ghetto pot head kid. but she dropped him as far as i know..but everything is different now, i just constantly feel uneasy, im never fully comfortable. i feel like she is liking me less and less as time goes on. maybe its best if i just move on, everyone says dump her! you deserve better! and i think thats true. but theres this tiny bit of faith in me that says dont give up just yet, stay in there a little bit longer. its like im staying in it till its done and dead. she hurt me once..and i got a feeling im going to get hurt again..and alot worse.and im scared shitless. i dont think i can handle it..getting hurt again. its gonna just break me, emotionally im gonna break. but i dont know, so many things going through my head i dont know what to think. my health has been declining also, so my thinking isnt that great. i need to start eating, need to start getting sleep, need to stop smoking cigs. i just dont know right now. i just want to be truely happy again. its a rarity i always want to see but never do. as soon as i get a taste of it its gone. why cant i just be happy? why does everybody love to hurt me?all i want to do is be nice to them and make them happy. is there any girls out there that WONT break my fucking heart? its at its breaking point, and cant take much more. but i cant seem to find anybody that wants to be gentle to it. everyone wants to play catch with it and drop it in the end....i just dont know anymore.yet again im close to just giving up like i always do.