but no, it ain't easier, to be out here on my own
woke up this morning from some disturbing dream or another,
puked twice, and forced myself back to sleep.
now awake again, my stomach is still turning every which way...I'm drinking calming tea, and trying to figure out if I got food poisoning at Sadie's, or it's just stress. It honestly could be either one.
I'm trying to rationalize what everyone tells me is going to happen. I'm going to leave, fall in love with a new city, spontaneously join a new band, marry Dan Leo, have a job handed to me, and then ask my friends, family and love of my life to please neatly pack and ship my belongings to some new address which I will also SOMEHOW suddenly be able to afford.
which returns me to my previous life crisis, what am I doing here? Will it make me happy? Is it Enough, or should I be doing more? Should I be someplace different? Having car crash dreams now...I like the rain less. I haven't finished the playlist, but Quiet Things makes me CRY now, and it's not because of the music video.
"And though our kids are blessed the parents let them shoulder all the blame."
I'm to sure what to do with either. I know my dad says that he is here and available, but uh, he's not. And my mom sent me a new email address, but I don't feel like I have much to discuss with her. I find myself liking Marina a lot, she has her flaws, but she has that open quality that makes you WANT to talk to her about everything, I haven't met anyone like that in a while.
Sat outside the Cell for a good few hours talking life with Dex, a friendship that we always knew was strong, but somehow never took the time to hangout, and now we both regret that, because I'm the only one who has the right things to say about the bitch he was dating, and he has the quality of someone genuinely honest with me. Hard to find, sad to lose, but SO proud of him. This one, this band is the one to take him somewhere, finally, right?
I don't know what else to say, I feel so sick to my stomach. I don't really want to think anymore, I started writing a song at some ungodly hour of the morning, we'll see if I can do anything with what I scrawled out in the dark.
looks like I'm not going to Eyes Set To Kill tonight. That's okay, that just means they won't fail me in some way like last night did.
I HATE it when bands I like, and respect and want nothing more than some merch and conversation from just hit on me. I heard the two songs I'd been dying to, sang along....and then was disappointed. grrr.
puked twice, and forced myself back to sleep.
now awake again, my stomach is still turning every which way...I'm drinking calming tea, and trying to figure out if I got food poisoning at Sadie's, or it's just stress. It honestly could be either one.
I'm trying to rationalize what everyone tells me is going to happen. I'm going to leave, fall in love with a new city, spontaneously join a new band, marry Dan Leo, have a job handed to me, and then ask my friends, family and love of my life to please neatly pack and ship my belongings to some new address which I will also SOMEHOW suddenly be able to afford.
which returns me to my previous life crisis, what am I doing here? Will it make me happy? Is it Enough, or should I be doing more? Should I be someplace different? Having car crash dreams now...I like the rain less. I haven't finished the playlist, but Quiet Things makes me CRY now, and it's not because of the music video.
"And though our kids are blessed the parents let them shoulder all the blame."
I'm to sure what to do with either. I know my dad says that he is here and available, but uh, he's not. And my mom sent me a new email address, but I don't feel like I have much to discuss with her. I find myself liking Marina a lot, she has her flaws, but she has that open quality that makes you WANT to talk to her about everything, I haven't met anyone like that in a while.
Sat outside the Cell for a good few hours talking life with Dex, a friendship that we always knew was strong, but somehow never took the time to hangout, and now we both regret that, because I'm the only one who has the right things to say about the bitch he was dating, and he has the quality of someone genuinely honest with me. Hard to find, sad to lose, but SO proud of him. This one, this band is the one to take him somewhere, finally, right?
I don't know what else to say, I feel so sick to my stomach. I don't really want to think anymore, I started writing a song at some ungodly hour of the morning, we'll see if I can do anything with what I scrawled out in the dark.
looks like I'm not going to Eyes Set To Kill tonight. That's okay, that just means they won't fail me in some way like last night did.
I HATE it when bands I like, and respect and want nothing more than some merch and conversation from just hit on me. I heard the two songs I'd been dying to, sang along....and then was disappointed. grrr.