Another Perspective
I walked in the darkened house from a long day, not to mention a long night. I had been out with some friends at a coffee shop downtown and even though all we did was chat, write, and sing along to some freestylist guitarist... I was threw... exhausted... drained... so on and so on. 3:10am... i walked downstair to my room and dropped my things on the floor. All the lights were off except for my red desk lamp... that seemed kind of odd but i didnt give it a second thought cuz i usually left it on when i slept. I guess i just forgot to turn it off that morning. I didnt even take more than 3 seconds to make up my mind about changing into my night cloths... i just wanted to lay down. As I walked toward my bed... I saw a body. I about hyperventalated and felt my heart stop for more than a few beats. Little did I know who it was...
I looked closer and almost cried. ::stopping there for a few minutes, I have to tell you... Im not one of those girls who imagined a prince coming to her one day and sweeping her off her feet. I didnt dream about my "future husband" or the hottest boyfriend... guys have never been what my life is about. But guys have been my weakness since my "dad" figure has always been absent for me. and this is the story of the young man who "broke my life in two". yeah yeah its sounds so emo... it wasnt though. I wish people believed me. It was love.. and nothing less...:: I hadnt seen this guy for about 2 years...
My mom had said we had a guest, i guess i forgot when she said all this, cus most guest we have... they all take my room. and i have to sleep upstairs.. cuz most of the time it is guys. Dont ask me why... i guess they just like the look of my room better than anyone elses. and it also is probably cuz its the most secluded room of the house..
I left the room in a small saddness and a big drop in my stomache. WHAT the heck was he doing at my house? two years and he decides to show back up?! things dont work like this... ( i was talking to myself.) I went to bed contemplating my emotions... and forcing the tears to stay back, because the song i had playing was the theme song of me and this guys relationship... and i let it play my sad heart to sleep.
"Joy get up! youve got work in 10 minutes..." My mom yelled at me. Isnt that a supriser... I got less than 3 hours of sleep. I sragged myself out of bed to see -HIM- sitting at "MY" kitchen table... eating "MY" *best* cerial. I dont even hardly like cerial... but it was the only box i liked if i had to eat it. I stared... and then walked upstairs to get ready. ("lamo... what is he doing up at this hour if he's a guest?") My mom peeked her head in the door as i was washing my face.. "Joy, justin is coming to work with you today. Let him help out and do something to keep him occupied. ok?" I pictured myself dropping my jaw... but ended up just saying ok. I didnt know what I was feeling. I couldnt decide if i was happy to see him or plain angry that he was back. I walked out the door to my car.. "MY" car and saw him sitting in the driver's seat... now that was a bigger step that I could handle. "Get up!" i said sturnly as i opened the door and pointed to the passengers seat. "your mom said i could drive, just to get the feel of the roads..."
"Get out! Im driving... now! or your staying here with no one to hang around and nothing to do all day." that seemed to have clicked.. cuz he got up and sat in the passengers seat without saying anything else.
"Can i turn some music on? do u happen to have some cd's i might like?" I gave him a hard look... (cd's he might like... oh, ok... well lets just go buy a cd u like so we wont argue.) I tossed him my cd case and told him to flip through it and pick one out. OMG! he picked the same freakin cd I was listening to last night. Does he want me to cry?... does he not remember?
That was the longest drive of my life... but we just happened to end up at work right before "the song" played and made me break. There was a strip mall on the same road as my work... so i gave him a 20 and told him to occupy himself... I didnt need his help at work. ( i know... i was being really mean. but you would have been too if u didnt know how you were feeling.)
days went by and he was still at my house. goes to figure... he got kicked out of his house becuz his dad was tired of Justin coming home late... but it was his dads fault... becuz he was always drunk and he always forgot that he was the one who was supposed to pick Justin up... little justin ended up walkin home every night... His mom was gone in California... and his sister was out. no where to be found. dropped college and dissapeared. I didnt feel as mad at him becuz of his circumstances... I lightened up... and one afternoon... Friday to be exact... It was a free night.. no work, no school... no nothing. SO i decided id be nice and take this dude to a movie and some random restraunt. And he said yes... i wasnt supprised since he only left the house when i did and to get cigarettes...
We saw a movie we both agreed on... and that was suprising. cuz i didnt think he liked sycology flicks. But after the movie we decided to go to chili's. most random place but he suggested and i thought it sounded good. He drove...
"So um, Justin... I know ive been kinda rough towards you this past week... Im sorry about that. But its not like you cant understand why..." He looked at his water and stired it around with the straw... i saw him remembering "us"... i looked away from examining him. I didnt expect him to say anything but instead, "Yeah, well I dont mean to be the bomb of bad truth... but you know it was your fault. I like it that I get to see you again... even if it is kinda harsh. It always was..." I about dazed out into the 9 months we dated... lol but I smiled at him and laughed a little... I knew he was right... He knew i knew, too. We talked for at least 2 and a half hours "after" ordering our food. And I got over my anger towards him being back in my life... but I relaizd... deep inside... through all the happiness of seeing him and getting to know the newer Justin... I was hurting endlessly... I still loved him.
We left at chili's 11 and drove home after renting a movie.
to be continued...
I looked closer and almost cried. ::stopping there for a few minutes, I have to tell you... Im not one of those girls who imagined a prince coming to her one day and sweeping her off her feet. I didnt dream about my "future husband" or the hottest boyfriend... guys have never been what my life is about. But guys have been my weakness since my "dad" figure has always been absent for me. and this is the story of the young man who "broke my life in two". yeah yeah its sounds so emo... it wasnt though. I wish people believed me. It was love.. and nothing less...:: I hadnt seen this guy for about 2 years...
My mom had said we had a guest, i guess i forgot when she said all this, cus most guest we have... they all take my room. and i have to sleep upstairs.. cuz most of the time it is guys. Dont ask me why... i guess they just like the look of my room better than anyone elses. and it also is probably cuz its the most secluded room of the house..
I left the room in a small saddness and a big drop in my stomache. WHAT the heck was he doing at my house? two years and he decides to show back up?! things dont work like this... ( i was talking to myself.) I went to bed contemplating my emotions... and forcing the tears to stay back, because the song i had playing was the theme song of me and this guys relationship... and i let it play my sad heart to sleep.
"Joy get up! youve got work in 10 minutes..." My mom yelled at me. Isnt that a supriser... I got less than 3 hours of sleep. I sragged myself out of bed to see -HIM- sitting at "MY" kitchen table... eating "MY" *best* cerial. I dont even hardly like cerial... but it was the only box i liked if i had to eat it. I stared... and then walked upstairs to get ready. ("lamo... what is he doing up at this hour if he's a guest?") My mom peeked her head in the door as i was washing my face.. "Joy, justin is coming to work with you today. Let him help out and do something to keep him occupied. ok?" I pictured myself dropping my jaw... but ended up just saying ok. I didnt know what I was feeling. I couldnt decide if i was happy to see him or plain angry that he was back. I walked out the door to my car.. "MY" car and saw him sitting in the driver's seat... now that was a bigger step that I could handle. "Get up!" i said sturnly as i opened the door and pointed to the passengers seat. "your mom said i could drive, just to get the feel of the roads..."
"Get out! Im driving... now! or your staying here with no one to hang around and nothing to do all day." that seemed to have clicked.. cuz he got up and sat in the passengers seat without saying anything else.
"Can i turn some music on? do u happen to have some cd's i might like?" I gave him a hard look... (cd's he might like... oh, ok... well lets just go buy a cd u like so we wont argue.) I tossed him my cd case and told him to flip through it and pick one out. OMG! he picked the same freakin cd I was listening to last night. Does he want me to cry?... does he not remember?
That was the longest drive of my life... but we just happened to end up at work right before "the song" played and made me break. There was a strip mall on the same road as my work... so i gave him a 20 and told him to occupy himself... I didnt need his help at work. ( i know... i was being really mean. but you would have been too if u didnt know how you were feeling.)
days went by and he was still at my house. goes to figure... he got kicked out of his house becuz his dad was tired of Justin coming home late... but it was his dads fault... becuz he was always drunk and he always forgot that he was the one who was supposed to pick Justin up... little justin ended up walkin home every night... His mom was gone in California... and his sister was out. no where to be found. dropped college and dissapeared. I didnt feel as mad at him becuz of his circumstances... I lightened up... and one afternoon... Friday to be exact... It was a free night.. no work, no school... no nothing. SO i decided id be nice and take this dude to a movie and some random restraunt. And he said yes... i wasnt supprised since he only left the house when i did and to get cigarettes...
We saw a movie we both agreed on... and that was suprising. cuz i didnt think he liked sycology flicks. But after the movie we decided to go to chili's. most random place but he suggested and i thought it sounded good. He drove...
"So um, Justin... I know ive been kinda rough towards you this past week... Im sorry about that. But its not like you cant understand why..." He looked at his water and stired it around with the straw... i saw him remembering "us"... i looked away from examining him. I didnt expect him to say anything but instead, "Yeah, well I dont mean to be the bomb of bad truth... but you know it was your fault. I like it that I get to see you again... even if it is kinda harsh. It always was..." I about dazed out into the 9 months we dated... lol but I smiled at him and laughed a little... I knew he was right... He knew i knew, too. We talked for at least 2 and a half hours "after" ordering our food. And I got over my anger towards him being back in my life... but I relaizd... deep inside... through all the happiness of seeing him and getting to know the newer Justin... I was hurting endlessly... I still loved him.
We left at chili's 11 and drove home after renting a movie.
to be continued...