Requiem.
Why do bad things happen to good people? Maybe there is some explaination beyond the gullible outlooks and seeming dispensibility of such people. How many "good" people to you know? Do you often count yourself within their ranks? Is it just me that notices this? I don't know how often I have said that I was gonna give it all up. This is a demeanor that is hard to maintain. So often you feel as if you are becoming the dog that has been beat by a stick too many times. That your life of pain makes you self reliant and apprehensive to everything. Snapping at all hands placed before you. You look at strangers with mistrust. You look at yourself that way also. I don't know how many times I've looked over the edge of a tall building or structure and thought about jumping off. Not because I'm suicidal. I don't know why I could even think such things. You wonder how well you know yourself. I stay away from the ledges.
Is there a battered dog in me? In you? Self serving? Of course, there is. It is easy to be all those things, but like that dog you are these "horrible" things because you are scared. We all fell off of the bike learning how to ride it, but we wanted to learn soo bad. So you get up and you brush your knees off and you try again. It is amazing how many good things we forget when we grow up. I think that is why I don't like those words. "Grow up." I mean I understand the reasoning behind it, but it is often used in the context of you being "realistic." Stop dreaming. Don't think the strangers won't nab you and stick you in their car and don't trust those smiling faces. I know we are just protecting them. I know that "growing up" you are just protecting yourselves. It is weird though to hear the voices that once told you you could be anything, turn around and ask you what the hell are you gonna do with an art degree. Remember wanting to draw comics? Being a ballerina? Writing your own book? Where did it all go. Why do the heads now sway right and left and not up and down. How come this mentality has infected all those around you as well.
Bad things happen to good people either because they are ignorant and refuse to accept certain things as true. We don't look for blades in the Halloween candy. When people tell us they will love us forever we believe them. We walk away with alot of strangers. We were made to be victims. Sometimes I wonder if that is so bad. It hurts falling off our metaphorical bikes. We'll keep getting up until we figure we are to old for such things. We are too old for pain anymore. I say "not right now." I hope not ever.