I
Today, at work, it was all right. It's getting better there, I think because the people I work with are slowly starting to not take the bizarre things I say and do too seriously. I certainly don't. But in the back of my head, I'm worried about my personal relationships, because they are starting to become really turbulant. It seems like the solution to the issues between myself and A. is simple enough, but somehow endlessly hard to execute for some reason that remains a mystery. Well, not completely. I know that it is because I have this huge wall over myself. And at the risk of sounding like a cliche, I've been let down a lot. This is a personal journal, and I feel guilty even saying that. What am I going to do?
Maybe I'm not ready for the things that I laid out before myself before I came back from California. Maybe I need some time, who knows how much, to just ride the curves and wait until things eventually smooth themselves out.
It's difficult because I've been going from here to there and back again forever now. Moving, jobs, people in my life. I've whiddled down not only my possessions, but who is around me to almost nothing. Not exactly because I wanted to, but because I have to. To survive, to make going from point A to point B and then C and D and all the way to Z easier.
Of course, this way of living has its own set of problems, like having the habit of isolating yourself from emotional contact.
The desert that I talk about, the place I put all my bullshit until it's ready to be turned into something good, my entire body is there now. Barren, unknown and everstretching.
Straight ahead, what is there?
Maybe I'm not ready for the things that I laid out before myself before I came back from California. Maybe I need some time, who knows how much, to just ride the curves and wait until things eventually smooth themselves out.
It's difficult because I've been going from here to there and back again forever now. Moving, jobs, people in my life. I've whiddled down not only my possessions, but who is around me to almost nothing. Not exactly because I wanted to, but because I have to. To survive, to make going from point A to point B and then C and D and all the way to Z easier.
Of course, this way of living has its own set of problems, like having the habit of isolating yourself from emotional contact.
The desert that I talk about, the place I put all my bullshit until it's ready to be turned into something good, my entire body is there now. Barren, unknown and everstretching.
Straight ahead, what is there?