Le Sigh
I know I have it pretty well off, but sometimes I just want to complain. You okay with that, LJ?
Do you ever have those days (it's been this whole week for me) where everything is just so discouraging? School is okay, but it's certainly more work than last semester. Which I am fine with. The problem is that I had this idea last week when the semester started that I would go to Gal'ry (campus gym, basically) and work out twice a day for 30-40 minutes each time doing mostly elliptical, bike, and light weights. WELL. I did really well last week. I watched what I ate (portions portions!) and successfully met my exercise goals. I've been eating breakfast every morning and resisting the the temptation to snack. MLK weekend threw me off so bad. I love my aunt dearly, but she made this pound cake that was the best thing I have ever put in my mouth. And then we had hibatchi. And donuts Sunday morning. More cake. Pizza. More cake. I just feel like I undid all the work I put in last week. And then Tuesday I got distracted between my two T/Th classes when I usually exercise by my English professor and only go in one of my usual two workouts. Today I was just so exhausted from not sleeping until 12:30 or 1:00 and getting up at 6:30, I skipped my morning workout again to nap. If I hadn't I probably would have fallen asleep during it.
I guess I just feel like I'm cheating myself? I said at the beginning that I was ready for the change and I've got tons of motivation and drive to make it happen. And I told myself then that I was going to stop making excuses and justifying not working out. I am not a small person. I want to be a healthy person. And here I am, one and a half weeks in and I'm already justifying skipping my sessions. I mean, I still have gone once a day, but it's not enough (I feel) for a significant weight loss.
I'm sure you all wanted to hear me whining about it, but I just needed to get my feelings down into writing because I wasn't exactly sure what I was feeling!
Career-wise, I'm realizing that I'm going to have quite a long road ahead of me. I'm aiming for a doctorate. Eventually. I have confidence that I can do it, but it's still very daunting to me at my current position as a freshman in college.
The next thing on my list of complaints: I have no guy friends here. I was used to having lots of guys to talk to and laugh with, but I have yet to form any such relationship in the entire previous semester! I guess I assumed that I would come to college and finally meet the guy I'm supposed to be with and it's just not happening right now. It makes me feel like no guy will ever care about me as a person (or about me for my body until I workout some more LOL) because no guy has tried to form a relationship with me at all. I'm so introverted, too, that I'm not going to start up some awkward conversation that ends with more awkward silence. I used to be super comfortable with guy friends and I haven't been around them for so long now, it's super UNcomfortable when I'm with guys from school.
I'm trying to be patient, but sometimes I just want to scream and God and ask him what's wrong with me and where is this person that I'm supposed to be with. I don't want to still be looking when I'm done with school. That scares me. A lot.
Good night, LJ. Thanks for listening.
Do you ever have those days (it's been this whole week for me) where everything is just so discouraging? School is okay, but it's certainly more work than last semester. Which I am fine with. The problem is that I had this idea last week when the semester started that I would go to Gal'ry (campus gym, basically) and work out twice a day for 30-40 minutes each time doing mostly elliptical, bike, and light weights. WELL. I did really well last week. I watched what I ate (portions portions!) and successfully met my exercise goals. I've been eating breakfast every morning and resisting the the temptation to snack. MLK weekend threw me off so bad. I love my aunt dearly, but she made this pound cake that was the best thing I have ever put in my mouth. And then we had hibatchi. And donuts Sunday morning. More cake. Pizza. More cake. I just feel like I undid all the work I put in last week. And then Tuesday I got distracted between my two T/Th classes when I usually exercise by my English professor and only go in one of my usual two workouts. Today I was just so exhausted from not sleeping until 12:30 or 1:00 and getting up at 6:30, I skipped my morning workout again to nap. If I hadn't I probably would have fallen asleep during it.
I guess I just feel like I'm cheating myself? I said at the beginning that I was ready for the change and I've got tons of motivation and drive to make it happen. And I told myself then that I was going to stop making excuses and justifying not working out. I am not a small person. I want to be a healthy person. And here I am, one and a half weeks in and I'm already justifying skipping my sessions. I mean, I still have gone once a day, but it's not enough (I feel) for a significant weight loss.
I'm sure you all wanted to hear me whining about it, but I just needed to get my feelings down into writing because I wasn't exactly sure what I was feeling!
Career-wise, I'm realizing that I'm going to have quite a long road ahead of me. I'm aiming for a doctorate. Eventually. I have confidence that I can do it, but it's still very daunting to me at my current position as a freshman in college.
The next thing on my list of complaints: I have no guy friends here. I was used to having lots of guys to talk to and laugh with, but I have yet to form any such relationship in the entire previous semester! I guess I assumed that I would come to college and finally meet the guy I'm supposed to be with and it's just not happening right now. It makes me feel like no guy will ever care about me as a person (or about me for my body until I workout some more LOL) because no guy has tried to form a relationship with me at all. I'm so introverted, too, that I'm not going to start up some awkward conversation that ends with more awkward silence. I used to be super comfortable with guy friends and I haven't been around them for so long now, it's super UNcomfortable when I'm with guys from school.
I'm trying to be patient, but sometimes I just want to scream and God and ask him what's wrong with me and where is this person that I'm supposed to be with. I don't want to still be looking when I'm done with school. That scares me. A lot.
Good night, LJ. Thanks for listening.