Sneaking.
I've been a very bad girl lately.
Here's why:
1. Maxed out my phone bill my aunt and I shared. This is a bad thing because paying for a phone bill is quite expensive, and I am supposed to be saving up for tuition, but so far, my savings are going to my phone.
2. Been going to places I shouldn't have gone at night. Been going to see someone when I shouldn't have.
3. Went crazy shopping for the last three weeks. I couldn't control myself--everytime I see something I like, I just go ahead and buy it.
4. Although I've sworn to myself that I will never eat out unless I've got the body I want, I went ahead and ate out anyway.
5. Went to the bar when I'm supposedly at a party.
6. Got home at 1:00 in the morning the next day.
I think I'm waging a war against my dad and my lola.
It all started when my dad wrote me a letter about, well, how he can't seem to accept the fact that I'm dating somebody he thinks isn't right for me. That if I stay with him, I'd end up getting pregnant and I won't finish school. To think that I've been dating this guy for almost 9 months now, I'm still not pregnant, I'm getting the best grades ever, and he still doesn't trust him. Admittedly, he isn't the most ideal, but I doubt if anyone can ever find the perfect guy. I know that he has shortcomings, and while his flaws often become the thing we fight about, I still can't find the heart to leave. I don't know if it's love, or if it's force of habit, but I do know that if I leave, I will be very unhappy, and I don't want to be. It sounds selfish, I know, but I've been so used to having somebody to call my own that I can't quite imagine what my life would be like if I didn't.
Or maybe it's because I've been depending my happiness on him that everything would just fall apart if we broke up.
The sad fact is, people come and go. I learned that the hard way--moving a gazillion miles away I lost contact with friends I've been really close to. And like he said, we can't be sure about what's going to happen in the future. I don't even know if fighting with my dad about him is even worth it. I'd like to fight for him, yes, but what good will it do if in the end, it's just not working out anymore? I mean, I've been trying to change, but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm still the same old, needy girlfriend who needs her boyfriend to call her constantly (I cringe at the thought, but it's true). I wish I wasn't. I wish I wasn't so depended on him. That way, it wouldn't hurt as much if it ends.
I'm not hoping for anything from him anymore. I guess I just gave up. I'm pretty exhausted--going to summer classes, working full time, fighting... It's taking so much of me. I think I need a break from it all.
But I can't afford to take a break. And maybe this is why I've been sneaking out so much, lying about studying just so I can go out. I can't even remember a day when I just stayed at home the whole day. I don't like fighting, not with my dad (don't care much about my lola--I never really liked her in the first place anyway) but it can't be helped. I know he's looking out for me and everything, but I need him to understand that I'm an adult now and I need to make decisions on my own too, and the only way for me to learn is if I do it my own way.
Anyway, enough of that. I'm just hoping it's something that can work itself out. Right now, I'm just happy about the fact that I enjoyed myself this Saturday. It was Ronnie's birthday bash, and the girls decided to go clubbing to celebrate.
Jer and I lounging on the couch
Jer and me again
...and again...
... and again...
and again.
The Girls
The Girls + Boyfriend
The birthday girl, Moi, and Jer
Feeling gangstah. Lol.
Feeling gangstah part 2.
And the award for the most good-looking couple of the year goes to...
The Girls + 1 Latino = Crazy Dancing
Me thinks I'm celebrating my own birthday bash at the bar this September. Currently working out the nerve to ask, but hopefully it happens.
Here's why:
1. Maxed out my phone bill my aunt and I shared. This is a bad thing because paying for a phone bill is quite expensive, and I am supposed to be saving up for tuition, but so far, my savings are going to my phone.
2. Been going to places I shouldn't have gone at night. Been going to see someone when I shouldn't have.
3. Went crazy shopping for the last three weeks. I couldn't control myself--everytime I see something I like, I just go ahead and buy it.
4. Although I've sworn to myself that I will never eat out unless I've got the body I want, I went ahead and ate out anyway.
5. Went to the bar when I'm supposedly at a party.
6. Got home at 1:00 in the morning the next day.
I think I'm waging a war against my dad and my lola.
It all started when my dad wrote me a letter about, well, how he can't seem to accept the fact that I'm dating somebody he thinks isn't right for me. That if I stay with him, I'd end up getting pregnant and I won't finish school. To think that I've been dating this guy for almost 9 months now, I'm still not pregnant, I'm getting the best grades ever, and he still doesn't trust him. Admittedly, he isn't the most ideal, but I doubt if anyone can ever find the perfect guy. I know that he has shortcomings, and while his flaws often become the thing we fight about, I still can't find the heart to leave. I don't know if it's love, or if it's force of habit, but I do know that if I leave, I will be very unhappy, and I don't want to be. It sounds selfish, I know, but I've been so used to having somebody to call my own that I can't quite imagine what my life would be like if I didn't.
Or maybe it's because I've been depending my happiness on him that everything would just fall apart if we broke up.
The sad fact is, people come and go. I learned that the hard way--moving a gazillion miles away I lost contact with friends I've been really close to. And like he said, we can't be sure about what's going to happen in the future. I don't even know if fighting with my dad about him is even worth it. I'd like to fight for him, yes, but what good will it do if in the end, it's just not working out anymore? I mean, I've been trying to change, but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm still the same old, needy girlfriend who needs her boyfriend to call her constantly (I cringe at the thought, but it's true). I wish I wasn't. I wish I wasn't so depended on him. That way, it wouldn't hurt as much if it ends.
I'm not hoping for anything from him anymore. I guess I just gave up. I'm pretty exhausted--going to summer classes, working full time, fighting... It's taking so much of me. I think I need a break from it all.
But I can't afford to take a break. And maybe this is why I've been sneaking out so much, lying about studying just so I can go out. I can't even remember a day when I just stayed at home the whole day. I don't like fighting, not with my dad (don't care much about my lola--I never really liked her in the first place anyway) but it can't be helped. I know he's looking out for me and everything, but I need him to understand that I'm an adult now and I need to make decisions on my own too, and the only way for me to learn is if I do it my own way.
Anyway, enough of that. I'm just hoping it's something that can work itself out. Right now, I'm just happy about the fact that I enjoyed myself this Saturday. It was Ronnie's birthday bash, and the girls decided to go clubbing to celebrate.
Jer and I lounging on the couch
Jer and me again
...and again...
... and again...
and again.
The Girls
The Girls + Boyfriend
The birthday girl, Moi, and Jer
Feeling gangstah. Lol.
Feeling gangstah part 2.
And the award for the most good-looking couple of the year goes to...
The Girls + 1 Latino = Crazy Dancing
Me thinks I'm celebrating my own birthday bash at the bar this September. Currently working out the nerve to ask, but hopefully it happens.