Decisions, Chapter 5B
This is part B of the fifth chapter of Decisions - I had to post it in two parts due to LJ's length limitations.
Please remember to post comments or who knows what will happen to the sequel, it might mysteriously NEVER BE WRITTEN!
Chapter One is here. Chapter Two is here. Chapter Three is here. Chapter 4 is here. Chapter 5a is here.
Decisions, Chapter 5 (part B - part A is here)
By Xie
Brian’s POV
After endless goodnights with everyone who was still there, Justin and I got into the Corvette. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a little packet with some E, and held it out questioningly so Justin could see it. He laughed and lifted an eyebrow at me, and then fixed his eyes on mine and slowly opened his mouth and put his tongue out a tiny bit. I felt a rush of heat in my groin and took a tab and put it on my tongue. I leaned forward and slowly licked it onto his, nice and wet, then pulled the top on the water bottle, pulled my mouth away from his, took a big swallow, and then kissed it into Justin’s mouth.
When we got to Babylon, I felt the familiar rush of walking into the lights and falling glitter and feeling the heavy beat of the music making the floor pulse under our feet. I rested my hand on the back of Justin’s neck, and knew the moment the E hit him, because he suddenly felt warm and pliant under my hand. He slid himself closer, and I kissed him, loving the way his mouth opened for me. He broke the kiss and pulled me deep into the middle of the dance floor, where the crowd was densest, and then stood right up against me and started to dance.
I had my hands resting on his shoulders, lightly, and he had brought his hands up and was holding my wrists, his head bent forward so that it touched my chest. He slowly slid his hands along my bare arms, tracing each muscle and cupping my biceps, and then moving his hands down the backs of my shoulders and then down my sides.
I let him pet me and stroke me and just closed my eyes and lost myself in the feeling of the music and his hands. I had my head tipped back and he was kissing and licking my throat, his hands under my shirt on my back. Then I felt him slide them around to the front, and down under the waistband of my jeans, and cup my cock with his bare hand. And then I grabbed his wrist and laughed, “We can’t do this in the middle of the dance floor, I’ll get thrown out.”
He didn’t lift his mouth away from my neck. “They can’t throw us out.” He was talking between kisses. “It’s your club.”
We kept dancing and I kind of lost track of time and how many songs they were playing. At some point, I took half a tab of E and gave the other half to Justin, and then we danced some more. I was kissing him, my hands in his hair and his fingers tucked in the waistband of my jeans, when I felt a hand on my back. I jerked my head up and then laughed. It was Emmett.
“Hi boys! I guess this is the detox center for lesbian lasagna overdose?”
Justin threw his arms around Emmett’s neck and kissed him on the cheek. “Em!”
Emmett looked at Justin’s flushed face and rolled his eyes. “Still need to drug the boys into submission, Brian?”
I just stuck my tongue out at him.
Emmett glanced over to the edge of the dance floor. “Guess who else had too much lesbian family life? You’ll never believe it.”
I looked and saw Michael and Ben dancing. “I’d have thought this was way past their bedtime.”
Just at that moment I realized Justin had danced off out of arm’s reach, and I hauled him back in. He bounced against my body and giggled, and then licked his lips. I put my hand on the back of his neck, and the other on Emmett’s shoulder, and steered them over to the bar. “Time for a water break.”
I got Justin a bottle of water and made him drink it, and got beers for Emmett and me. We stood there watching the lights and the dancers for a while. The DJ that night was incredible, and I turned to ask the bartender who it was. Justin had his head tipped all the way back and was staring at the lights flashing across the ceiling. Maybe that last half E was a bad idea.
“Hey!” It was Michael and Ben, looking sweaty and thirsty. I handed Michael my beer, and raised an eyebrow at Ben. Justin chose that moment to burrow into my side, and I got my arm up and around him and kept it resting lightly on his shoulder, where I could slap it over his mouth if the brain/mouth filter got disconnected again. Next time I was going to have all my friends banned from the club before Justin and I went out.
“Beer is great for me, too. Thanks.” I ordered two, kept one, and handed the other to Ben. He was looking at Justin and trying not to laugh.
Justin was licking my neck but I tried to follow the conversation anyway. Emmett was babbling on about the party, and what he’d have done differently if the girls had let him plan it. “For one thing, I can tell you, there’d have been meat in that lasagna.”
Michael laughed. “My mom and Carl said they ate before the party. And my mom MADE the lasagna.”
Ben laughed. “Michael? WE ate before the party, too.” Ben had a disturbing affinity for tofu but he did eat meat. No one packed on muscles like that without a certain amount of good old-fashioned animal protein.
Michael nodded. “Steak.”
I laughed. “Good to see you boys haven’t given up ALL the vices. Yet.”
“How about you, Brian? Any vices you gave up under the lesbianic influence?” That was Emmett, and he was looking way too smug. I shot him the dirtiest glare imaginable, but he just looked innocent. I regretted having let Theodore live.
Justin lifted his head from where he was molesting my neck and smiled at me. “Let’s dance some more.”
I thought it was a good time to get out of there, so I let him take me out to the dance floor and thought again how good the DJ was. Or maybe it was the little hit of E I’d had, or maybe it was Justin doing whatever it was he was doing against me. It was technically dancing since he was doing it in time to the music, but I was pretty sure no one else would agree with that. I just held onto him and kissed and licked and nuzzled whatever part of him was nearest my mouth, and let the music pound through me.
Justin had his arms around my neck, and his t-shirt was riding up, and I slipped my hand flat against his bare belly. He pulled back a little so I could have some room, and just as I was about to stick my hand down his pants, I realized I was seriously planning on jerking my boyfriend off on the dance floor of Babylon in front of half of gay PA and a least a dozen of my employees. I mean, that’s what the backroom was for. And the club office. And the VIP room. And the loft. And the house.
So why was my hand down his pants?
“Looks like you boys could use some WATER. The thing is, are you going to drink it, or should I have them turn a hose on you to cool you down?”
“You know, Emmett, what would happen to your sex life if I had you banned from Babylon FOREVER?”
He just laughed. I left him and Justin dancing and went to the bar to get a drink. While I was there Michael came up behind me. “Hey!”
“You’re out late.”
“Ben’s off next week, so we thought we’d have some fun. He’s dancing with Justin and Emmett, I came to get something to drink.”
“Be my guest.” I nodded at the bartender, who got Michael a beer. I downed my second shot.
He grinned at me. “So, you look happy.”
“I’m going to kill the next person who says that to me.”
Michael just laughed. “Yeah, I really just said it to piss you off. It must be hard on the old Kinney mystique, to have that stupid grin on your face all the time.”
I looked at him but didn’t say anything.
“That doesn’t work on me, Brian.”
“What?”
“The death glare.”
“I’m trying to remember why I haven’t had you banned from the club.”
He laughed and threw his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go get our husbands or dates or whatever the fuck you’re calling Justin these days.”
“I call him Justin. It has a certain ring to it, given that it’s HIS NAME.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. You know something, Brian?”
It was my night to have Novotnys try to enlighten me. “I’m fairly sure nothing on earth I could possibly do could stop you from telling me.”
He just laughed again. “You. Are. PATHETIC.”
Justin’s POV
I was dancing with Emmett and Ben when Brian and Michael re-appeared. I was still feeling pretty happy, but not quite as high as before. Brian of course had a bottle of water and he stood there and watched while I drank it, and didn’t let me kiss him until he was sure I’d swallowed.
But it was a really, really nice kiss so I forgave him.
“Let’s get out of here.” He was whispering in my ear.
I whispered back, although I had to go on my toes to reach his ear. “I thought you were going to fuck me in the backroom?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Not with this audience.”
“I thought you got off on an audience.”
“Not THIS audience.”
“Well, you should have them thrown out.” It seemed perfectly logical to me.
“Or we could go to the loft.”
I thought about that. “That sounds kind of hot, let’s do that.”
Brian smiled at me and put his hand on my neck. He turned us around to Michael, who was dancing with Ben and Emmett. “Night, boys. The bar is on me, have anything you want. Even you, Em, although I’m sure that will wipe out all my profits for the weekend and I’m going to live to regret it.”
Michael kissed Brian’s cheek and then mine, and we waved at Ben and Em and left.
It was weird coming back to the loft. Even though we’d been there earlier, it was starting to have a non-lived-in feeling.
I wrapped myself around Brian the minute he got the door shut, and he pulled me up off my feet and spun me around and over to the bedroom stairs, kissing my neck. I just tipped my head back and laughed.
“What was that for?”
“I’m sweeping you off your feet.”
He pulled me up the stairs and pushed my jacket off, and then pulled my t-shirt over my head. I tried to get his clothes off, but he was sucking on my nipple and it distracted me. His tongue was flicking around it, and it felt so good, I thought I’d just stand there and let him do it all night.
Then he started taking my pants off, and that seemed like a good idea too, so I changed my mind.
At some point I was on the bed with my ass in the air and his mouth on my hole, lapping at it and opening me up with his fingers, and I was sort of rocking back and forth and humming in my throat, and saying things periodically like “Fuck me, Brian, fuck me fuck me fuck me” while he kept playing with my ass.
Finally he pulled away, grabbed condoms and lube from the bedside drawer and then he was pushing into me while I pushed back on him. He slid into me and it felt wonderful, thick and hard and hot, filling me up and pressing against all the places inside me that I liked touched, the way only Brian ever touched them. I was almost purring. I probably was purring.
He had one hand in my hair and the other on my hip, and he was kneeling behind me, fucking me slowly and precisely, hitting my prostate on every stroke. I had my arms crossed in front of me and my head tucked into them, and my cock was bouncing against my belly every time he thrust into me. He started to slide his hand off my hip and towards my cock, and I knew he was getting close, so I let him jerk me off. He leaned all the way over me, and we were both kneeling together on the bed, and then he pulled me hard into him and I reached one hand back and grabbed his thigh. I felt him start to come, and then I did, feeling the orgasm pulse through me, out of him and through me and out onto his hand.
Brian pulled out of me after a minute, and I rolled over and smiled up at him. “That was amazing.”
“You’re easy when you’re high.”
“You’re amazing when I’m high.”
He smiled at me and started stroking my hair. I wriggled over closer to him. “Brian?”
“Hmmm?”
“Have you told Michael?”
He didn’t pretend not to know what I meant. “No.”
I blinked. “You probably should.”
Brian sighed. “I know.”
“He’s gonna guess or figure it out or hear it from someone.”
Brian looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Did you want to tell him?”
I shook my head. “No, it has to be you.” I reached up my hand and rested it lightly on Brian’s wrist while he played with my hair. He leaned down and kissed me. “Mmmmm.”
He kissed me again, pulled the duvet back up off the floor and over us, turned off the light, and pulled me tight into his arms. I curled up against him and we went to sleep.
When we woke up in the morning, the sun was blazing in my eyes and I moaned and turned away from the light. I was alone in bed, but I could hear noises in the kitchen. I hoped that meant coffee.
I was stretching under the covers when Brian appeared in the doorway with tragedy written all over his face. “There’s no coffee.”
“That’s a misfortune of monumental proportions. Does Starbuck’s deliver?”
He shook his head. “No. Which is so wrong. What are we going to do?”
“Can you fuck me without coffee?”
He reflected on that, and shook his head.
“Then you have to go out and get some.”
“Why do I have to do all the work?”
He had a point. “Because you’re up?”
He threw himself down on the bed and crawled under the covers. “Nice try.”
I laughed and pulled him in close. “Are you SURE you can’t fuck me without coffee?”
Brian nuzzled my neck. I sighed and smiled and tipped my head back and did everything I could think of to show him how nice it would be to go and get some coffee and then fuck me. Then he started to tickle me.
“Way to ruin a moment, Brian.” I was gasping with laughter and swatting at his hands.
“You were trying to get me to fuck you without coffee. You had to be stopped.”
“You need to learn to be more cooperative.”
He stopped tickling me and kissed me. “Do you think we should sell the loft?”
That came out of nowhere. “Why?”
He shrugged. “We never use it.”
“We used it last night.”
“Yeah, and now we have no coffee.”
“You want to sell the loft because we ran out of coffee? Brian. Don’t you think that’s a slight over-reaction?”
“I just wondered what you wanted to do.”
I thought about it. “OK, I have a sort of love/hate thing with the loft.”
“Sort of how you feel about me.”
I rolled right over on top of him and straddled him. “I really don’t hate you.”
“OK. Fine. We’ll just go on a little car trip, it’ll all come back to you.”
“Yeah, that’s true, I do hate you. But I hate the loft more.” I kissed him and stretched out on top of him. “And love it less.”
“Do you want to sell it?”
I lay on Brian’s chest for a while, thinking about it. It was hard, fuck, it was impossible, to imagine the loft being gone. Someone else living and sleeping in the place where we first made love, taking showers in our shower. I hated thinking about that.
And yeah, I had bad memories here, but that wasn’t the problem. There can be bad memories anywhere, I had bad memories of the diner and Babylon and parking garages. I still managed to eat and dance and park the car. It was something else, something I couldn’t quite explain, but it was like the loft pulled me in and pushed me away and I never found anything there I could grab onto and have it hold. Things always seemed to be giving away in my hands there.
Brian’s hands were smoothing my hair. “It’s OK, Justin, we can sell it.” His voice was soft and soothing. I pulled myself up on my elbows and looked at his eyes. He looked tired and a little worried.
I kissed him and shook my head. “No, let’s keep it. But Brian?”
“Yeah?”
“Never, ever run out of coffee here again. OK?”
Brian’s POV
I hesitated before pushing open the door to Red Cape. I’d thought about telling Michael I was going to come by, but on the rare occasions when I did, I never called first, and I didn’t want him making a big deal out of it.
It was just after lunch, the slowest time of day in the store, and there was only one customer in the place. Michael looked up when I came in, and his face lit up. “Brian! What are you doing here?”
I went over to the counter and kissed him hello. “Looking for a present for my best friend, he’s a comic book geek.”
The kid came up to pay just then, so I poked around the shelves until he left. I turned around and Michael was looking at me expectantly.
“OK, you’re chewing your lips off. What’s up?”
I sighed. I wondered if they had botox for the lower half of your face, because it seemed to be betraying me constantly these days.
“Nothing, just wanted to stop by and see my oldest and dearest friend. Is that so unusual?”
“Ummm, yeah, how about totally unheard of? Why aren’t you at work?”
I shrugged. “There’s actually no one who can keep me there if I want to leave. I own the place.”
“Must be nice.”
I nodded. Michael sighed.
“OK, Brian, is something wrong? You’re freaking me out.”
I looked at him speculatively for a few minutes. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to tell you something and I was trying to think of a way to get out of it.”
He didn’t laugh. That might have been because it wasn’t funny, although Michael usually laughed at even my weakest attempts at humor. He just waited.
“It’s, ummm, me and Justin.”
He looked alarmed. “Is something wrong with you and Justin?”
“No, no, everything’s fine. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
“You came by to tell me everything’s fine with you and Justin.” He gave me a “don’t bullshit me” look.
“Something like that.”
He kept giving me the look.
“Forget it.”
“I think I know.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think you do.”
“Yeah, I do. From something my mom said, combined with something Emmett said, with something Justin said, and because you’re obviously about to have a stroke. You and Justin are doing the marriage thing again.”
I shook my head. “We’re not getting married.”
“You mean you’re not having a wedding.”
“OK. Something like that.” Really, if I was going to have a stroke, now would be good.
Michael came out from behind the counter and hugged me. I stood there with my arms down at my sides, and he pulled back and laughed in my face. “God, Brian, you’re such a mess. Why is this such a big deal? You and Justin did this before, I told you I was happy for you then, and I’m happier for you now.”
“Why happier now?” That seemed weird.
He looked at me for a minute. “Because now it’s not coming totally out of the blue. Because it’s like the two of you worked things out. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve actually talked about it.”
I looked at him and opened my mouth, but he cut me off. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sure you haven’t discussed it, that would be lesbianic.”
“We talked about it. Once or twice. Briefly.” But I smiled at him. That had gone pretty well. And I didn’t have to have the stroke.
“And this is better because I don’t have to wear a suit.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll still always be my best man.” I kissed him and then he hugged me again, and when I decided we’d had enough lesbianism for one conversation, I pulled back. “Now is when Deb would warn me not to fuck it up.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t turned into my mother yet.”
I nodded. “Yet.”
Justin’s POV
I woke up before Brian that morning, which I didn’t usually do. He had his head on my shoulder and his leg sticking out from under the covers. I watched him sleeping for a while, his hair all messed up and spiky and his lips parted just a little bit.
The alarm went off and he opened his eyes, and blinked and then smiled when he saw me looking at him. I reached over him and turned off the alarm, and before I could roll back, he pulled me down and gave me a kiss.
I smiled down at him. “Today’s April the fourth.”
He blinked again. “I have a calendar, but thank you for the announcement.”
“Asshole. Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment today?” He grinned at me and I blushed.
My three-month clock had started ticking a while before Brian’s had, so I’d taken the test at Brian’s doctor’s office a few weeks before. I didn’t really know why we’d waited the entire three months for Brian to take his, because I was pretty sure he hadn’t been with anyone but me at least since I’d come home for Christmas, but that was the date we’d set when we decided, and neither of us brought it up again.
After Brian left for work, I went out to the studio. Most mornings I felt sure of what I was going to do, but this morning I wasn’t. I’d gone back to sleep after Brian got up, and slept as late as I could. I didn’t really feel like painting, and I didn’t feel like working on Rage, but I was fucked if I was going to wander around the house aimlessly counting the minutes until Brian came home to fuck me.
I booted up my computer and tried to work on Rage, but I was supposed to be illustrating hot sex scenes for him and JT and that didn’t seem to be a good idea. I wished I’d had something mindless to do, like organize my studio or stretch canvas, but I’d had a lot of energy this last month and there was nothing to do. And the problem with doing mindless things is that they don’t get your mind off what you want to get your mind off.
I eventually got involved in designing a painting on my computer, and finally lost track of time and my nerves. Around 5, my cell phone rang. It was Brian.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
I waited.
“Everything’s good, I’m coming home now.” I smiled.
“Later.”
“Later.”
And people say Brian and I don’t communicate.
Brian came in the front door at the same time I walked into the hall from my studio. He stopped when he saw me, and smiled. He took off his coat and walked towards me and threw it over the chair when he passed it. I just stood there, looking at him.
He stood so close to me I could feel his breath on my skin. I didn’t move, and he put his hands on the sides of my head and I tilted my head up and he leaned down and kissed me. I was holding onto his wrists, and I opened my mouth and felt his tongue making hard little licks at the inside of my lower lip. I felt breathless and a little bit strange.
Our bodies still weren’t touching, just our faces, and our hands. He broke away from me and smiled at me, and I looked at him and couldn’t help smiling back. He stepped all the way into me, our bodies touching everywhere, and slid his arms around my neck, and rested his forehead against mine. “Hey.”
“Hey.” My voice came out sounding strange, kind of like a whisper. I didn’t mean it to. I’d sworn I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of this. But I felt awkward and self-conscious and tentative.
“Have you eaten dinner?”
“What?”
He kissed me. “I said, have you eaten dinner?”
I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.” I couldn’t have eaten.
“OK, well, I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower, and you’re going to go into the kitchen and eat something. Because there’s one thing I can tell you, I have no intention of what I have planned for tonight being interrupted by scary noises from your stomach.”
I burst out laughing. “Ever the romantic.”
He nodded. “Go eat. I don’t care what, an apple, a piece of cheese, a pop tart. Just do me a favor and eat. And come up when you’re done.” And he kissed me again and went up the stairs.
I went into the kitchen and made a sincere effort to find something I thought I could swallow, and settled on a handful of crackers and some cold chicken.
I went upstairs and heard the shower running, and after hesitating a second, I stripped off my clothes and went into the bathroom. He smiled at me through the steamy glass, and I opened the door and got in with him. He pulled me under the water and I felt surrounded by heat and wetness and Brian. I wet my hair and shook my head, and he took the shampoo off the shelf and poured about five times more than I needed into his hand. He soaped up my head, and the excess lather rolled down my body and gathered around the drain, and we both laughed.
His fingers kept massaging my head, and I let it drop forward onto his shoulder. He worked the muscles in my scalp, and then my neck, and then ran his soapy hands down my arms and turned me around so my back was to him.
He rinsed me off and wrapped his arms around me, and dropped a kiss on my head. I leaned back into him, my arms coming up and wrapping around his. We just stood there for a minute, and I almost started to feel nervous again, but Brian turned off the water and opened the shower door and grabbed a couple of towels. We dried each other off.
He was rubbing my head with a towel. “Stop thinking.”
“What?”
He kissed me. “I said stop thinking.”
“I’m not.”
He rolled his eyes. “If you were a comic book character, the little balloon over your head would be so full of words it would take up the whole page.”
“Technically, I am a comic book character.”
“Well, then ask yourself, what would JT do? He’d let Rage drag him off to his lair and he wouldn’t be THINKING SO MUCH.”
I laughed. “JT isn’t the one doing all the talking.”
Brian’s POV
Justin told me to stop talking, so I walked him backwards into the bedroom and fell down on him, pushing him back onto the bed and mauling his mouth with mine. I didn’t want one inch of space between us, I wanted his bare skin on me everywhere.
We were both still a little damp from the shower, and I pushed his wet hair back off his face while I kissed him. He didn’t seem nervous anymore, but he had his eyes closed. He’d opened his legs when I fell on top of him, and I crawled up onto my knees between them, still kissing him.
He opened his eyes and looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, and gently started stroking the skin inside his thighs. He shivered and kept his eyes on mine, and I leaned down and kissed him again, softly. He reached his arms up around my neck and pulled me into him, and all the soft touches and sliding skin suddenly changed into heat and want, just like that. Just with the feeling of his legs wrapping around me, and his cock pressing against mine, and Justin saying my name.
I picked up the lube and squirted some on my fingers and reached down between Justin’s legs and started circling my finger around his hole. I gently put my fingertip just inside, then circled again, and then slid it all the way in, and he just kept looking at me, his lips parted and his breath shallow.
I swallowed, and he noticed, and smiled a little. I leaned down and kissed his smile. I licked his lower lip and the corners where they turned up, and then I gently licked the inside of his lip and slipped a second finger in next to the first.
His ass gently closed on my fingers for a second, and then I kind of lost it, and pulled them out and just sat there staring at him. He grinned at me and I grabbed the lube again, and his hand, and poured some into his palm, and put his hand on my cock. He put it on me, keeping his touch light. I groaned a little anyway and just for a second he squeezed me hard. I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away, and leaned down and bit his lip.
“I don’t need any extra help tonight, thanks anyway.”
Justin laughed and butted into me with his head. “OK.” And then he bit his lower lip, just for a second.
I settled back on my heels, in between Justin’s legs, and he reached out and took my cock and put the head right at his opening, and then I put my hand over his, and he took his away. I took a breath, and started rubbing the head of my cock around his hole. Justin groaned and closed his eyes, and grabbed my wrists and held on.
Anyone who would think I was fucking Justin raw just because it would feel good was nuts. Fucking Justin with a condom any way possible - against a wall, in bed, from the front, from behind, slow, fast, rough, gentle - felt better than anything else I knew.
But doing it bare did feel good. Just the sensation of the wrinkles of his hole against the head of my cock, the feeling of them rubbing against the slit while my precome leaked out, made me groan and close my eyes and drop my head down.
Justin looked at me and licked his lips. “I can feel that.”
I just nodded. I pressed in a little harder, and he gripped harder on my wrists, and then I felt the head slide in and Justin’s ass clench down on me and I groaned. I just hung there, panting.
“Jesus, Justin, don’t do that.”
He laughed, and he sounded nervous again. “I didn’t mean to.”
I had to laugh too, then. “Christ, it’s like we’ve never fucked before.” I bent forward and he curled up a little, and I touched my forehead to his. Then he put his mouth at my ear and whispered.
“Fuck me, Brian.”
I pushed in a little more, and then stopped again. He stayed absolutely still. I bit my lip and pushed again. It was…. hot. The most overwhelming feeling I had was how hot and tight it was inside him. There was always pressure and heat, but not like this, not so wet and textured, not with every movement, even just Justin breathing, flickering over the skin of my cock.
I moved again, and went deep into him with one thrust, and then he clamped down tight again and I just fell onto him and started fucking him. His legs were up around me and his hands had gone from my wrists to the backs of my thighs, under my ass, and he was pulling me into him hard. And I just gave into it, and I guess he did too, because he was tightening on me so much that I felt my balls pull up and tingle and something hot and powerful build up at the base of my spine. And then it all just exploded out of me, and I came and came, flooding into him while he closed his legs even tighter around my back and gripped me with his hands, holding me as deep inside of him as he could.
Sometimes when I came like that, I would just fall down on him and not move until I could breath again, but that night I grabbed his hand and pulled it down, and held it where my cock was buried inside him, and pulled out a little. His fingers closed on my cock as I pulled it out, and then traced the edge of his stretched hole where it ran all around my dick, all slippery with lube and come.
Justin groaned, and I pulled all the way out. I slid down his body. Everything was wet and I just buried my face in him, rubbing my lips and cheeks all over his cock and his pubes and then sinking my tongue into his asshole, tasting come and knowing it was mine, while he grabbed my hair and pushed himself into my mouth. I licked and sucked and kept his thighs spread with my hands, and then I crawled back up Justin’s body and tongued the come from his ass into his mouth.
Justin’s POV
From the minute Brian touched his cock to my hole, I felt like my body was totally out of my control. I hadn’t expected his cock to feel that different, but when he rubbed his slit in the skin around my opening, I could feel it, and the precome leaking out felt hot, hotter than the lube, hotter than my skin.
Once he was inside me, what was different at first was that Brian totally lost control. And I didn’t care, because when he started pouring into me, it was hotter and wetter than I’d even thought it would be, and I just held onto him and felt it filling me up inside.
I grabbed onto his hair when he started licking his come out of my ass and off my thighs, and then he kissed me and I tasted his come in his mouth. I was lying there licking it off his tongue, and then he pulled away and reached down for the lube on the floor next to the bed. He poured it into his palm and started to slick my cock with it, and I thought he was going to jerk me off.
But he lifted himself up over me, straddling me, and reached his lubed fingers around behind himself and slid one into his ass.
I clenched my fingers down on his thighs so hard they left white marks. Brian was breathing and rocking on his finger, and I brought my knees up behind him. He moved forward and grabbed my aching cock in his hand, and pressed the head to his hole, and let himself sink down onto it a little.
I’d never fucked Brian this way. In some ways being on top gives you a lot more control of the fuck, but in other ways, it can be too much: too deep, too intense. So I tried to hold still and let Brian lower himself onto me slowly, but when I felt my head slip past his impossibly tight opening, I just couldn’t. I thrust up into him and heard him give a little gasp, and I tried to hold still again, but he settled himself onto me hard, and that was it. I pushed up once more, and then twice, and I was pouring into him.
I opened my eyes and Brian was grinning down at me. He lifted himself off me carefully, biting his lip at the pain, and then taking a big smear of my come out of his ass, and bringing it up to my face and then kissing me while we both licked it off his fingers. He was lying next to me, partially on me, and we were both laughing.
Brian pulled me tight into him and rolled over, and I curled up against him, with my head on his shoulder, and we just lay there, our hands touching. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I kept having to kiss his chest. He was just stroking my hair like he always did, and when I looked up at him, he was looking at me, and he smiled too.
We fell asleep like that, but Brian woke me up a little while later and fucked me again, lying across my back and moaning and biting my neck when he came, his hand closed around my cock and my come spurting out onto the sheets. And then I woke him up just as it was getting light, and he fucked me with my arms and legs wrapped around him, like the first time, his tongue in my mouth and my ass clenching around him while we both came.
I was lying there with Brian mostly on me, and neither one of us could move much beyond playing with each other’s hair and fingers.
“Last night was the first time that we both had a first time of something at the same time.” Great example of my highly developed verbal skills.
Brian kissed my neck lightly. “The second time.”
“Huh?”
“That’s the second time we’ve both had a first time together.”
It took me a minute to think about what he could have meant, and when I thought of the only thing it could be, I got tears in my eyes, which I hoped he wouldn’t notice. I kept my head tipped back and just let them run off the side of my face. There were only a couple.
“Don’t cry, Justin, or I won’t fuck you.”
I laughed in a weepy kind of way. “Yeah, right. You won’t fuck me.”
He dragged himself up and leaned over me, his hands on both sides of my face and partially in my hair, right across the tear tracks. He kissed my left eye, and then my right eye. “Don’t. Cry.”
He rested his head in the bend of my neck, his arm across me, one hand still in my hair. I wasn’t crying anymore.
I wriggled a little bit, trying to get more comfortable. “My ass is sore.”
He snorted. “Yeah, I bet.” He sounded kind of proud, actually.
“Not as sore as I’d have thought, though.” Considering.
“It’s the incredible healing power of my semen.” He sounded totally serious right up until the last word, when he started to laugh.
I bit the arm that was nearest to my mouth.
“HEY!”
“Just rub some of your amazing healing semen on it. It’ll be fine.”
I found some inner reservoir of strength and rolled over on top of him when I said that. He grabbed my wrists and I straddled him with my weight on his outstretched hands for a minute. Then I got my arms free and dropped down on him and started tickling his sides, and he tried to buck me off while he laughed. I knew he’d win, so I gave in right away. Besides, I was exhausted. He rolled me over and lay on top of me. He didn’t try to tickle me, because he was exhausted too. But not too exhausted to say something.
“I love you.”
I lay there for a minute. Brian never said that in bed. Never. He never had, even once. Fuck, I was not going to cry again.
“Oh god, now you see why I never say it?”
I nodded. “That’s the thing, right? That you meant before, the other first time?”
He kissed my neck and didn’t look at me. “Yeah.”
I didn’t say anything but he pulled the duvet up off the floor and wrapped us in it. I pulled him as tight as I could and we fell asleep that way, in a tangled up pile in the middle of our wrecked bed, every pillow and blanket and sheet on the floor.
The sequel to Decisions starts here: Desires, Chapter 1
Please remember to post comments or who knows what will happen to the sequel, it might mysteriously NEVER BE WRITTEN!
Chapter One is here. Chapter Two is here. Chapter Three is here. Chapter 4 is here. Chapter 5a is here.
Decisions, Chapter 5 (part B - part A is here)
By Xie
Brian’s POV
After endless goodnights with everyone who was still there, Justin and I got into the Corvette. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a little packet with some E, and held it out questioningly so Justin could see it. He laughed and lifted an eyebrow at me, and then fixed his eyes on mine and slowly opened his mouth and put his tongue out a tiny bit. I felt a rush of heat in my groin and took a tab and put it on my tongue. I leaned forward and slowly licked it onto his, nice and wet, then pulled the top on the water bottle, pulled my mouth away from his, took a big swallow, and then kissed it into Justin’s mouth.
When we got to Babylon, I felt the familiar rush of walking into the lights and falling glitter and feeling the heavy beat of the music making the floor pulse under our feet. I rested my hand on the back of Justin’s neck, and knew the moment the E hit him, because he suddenly felt warm and pliant under my hand. He slid himself closer, and I kissed him, loving the way his mouth opened for me. He broke the kiss and pulled me deep into the middle of the dance floor, where the crowd was densest, and then stood right up against me and started to dance.
I had my hands resting on his shoulders, lightly, and he had brought his hands up and was holding my wrists, his head bent forward so that it touched my chest. He slowly slid his hands along my bare arms, tracing each muscle and cupping my biceps, and then moving his hands down the backs of my shoulders and then down my sides.
I let him pet me and stroke me and just closed my eyes and lost myself in the feeling of the music and his hands. I had my head tipped back and he was kissing and licking my throat, his hands under my shirt on my back. Then I felt him slide them around to the front, and down under the waistband of my jeans, and cup my cock with his bare hand. And then I grabbed his wrist and laughed, “We can’t do this in the middle of the dance floor, I’ll get thrown out.”
He didn’t lift his mouth away from my neck. “They can’t throw us out.” He was talking between kisses. “It’s your club.”
We kept dancing and I kind of lost track of time and how many songs they were playing. At some point, I took half a tab of E and gave the other half to Justin, and then we danced some more. I was kissing him, my hands in his hair and his fingers tucked in the waistband of my jeans, when I felt a hand on my back. I jerked my head up and then laughed. It was Emmett.
“Hi boys! I guess this is the detox center for lesbian lasagna overdose?”
Justin threw his arms around Emmett’s neck and kissed him on the cheek. “Em!”
Emmett looked at Justin’s flushed face and rolled his eyes. “Still need to drug the boys into submission, Brian?”
I just stuck my tongue out at him.
Emmett glanced over to the edge of the dance floor. “Guess who else had too much lesbian family life? You’ll never believe it.”
I looked and saw Michael and Ben dancing. “I’d have thought this was way past their bedtime.”
Just at that moment I realized Justin had danced off out of arm’s reach, and I hauled him back in. He bounced against my body and giggled, and then licked his lips. I put my hand on the back of his neck, and the other on Emmett’s shoulder, and steered them over to the bar. “Time for a water break.”
I got Justin a bottle of water and made him drink it, and got beers for Emmett and me. We stood there watching the lights and the dancers for a while. The DJ that night was incredible, and I turned to ask the bartender who it was. Justin had his head tipped all the way back and was staring at the lights flashing across the ceiling. Maybe that last half E was a bad idea.
“Hey!” It was Michael and Ben, looking sweaty and thirsty. I handed Michael my beer, and raised an eyebrow at Ben. Justin chose that moment to burrow into my side, and I got my arm up and around him and kept it resting lightly on his shoulder, where I could slap it over his mouth if the brain/mouth filter got disconnected again. Next time I was going to have all my friends banned from the club before Justin and I went out.
“Beer is great for me, too. Thanks.” I ordered two, kept one, and handed the other to Ben. He was looking at Justin and trying not to laugh.
Justin was licking my neck but I tried to follow the conversation anyway. Emmett was babbling on about the party, and what he’d have done differently if the girls had let him plan it. “For one thing, I can tell you, there’d have been meat in that lasagna.”
Michael laughed. “My mom and Carl said they ate before the party. And my mom MADE the lasagna.”
Ben laughed. “Michael? WE ate before the party, too.” Ben had a disturbing affinity for tofu but he did eat meat. No one packed on muscles like that without a certain amount of good old-fashioned animal protein.
Michael nodded. “Steak.”
I laughed. “Good to see you boys haven’t given up ALL the vices. Yet.”
“How about you, Brian? Any vices you gave up under the lesbianic influence?” That was Emmett, and he was looking way too smug. I shot him the dirtiest glare imaginable, but he just looked innocent. I regretted having let Theodore live.
Justin lifted his head from where he was molesting my neck and smiled at me. “Let’s dance some more.”
I thought it was a good time to get out of there, so I let him take me out to the dance floor and thought again how good the DJ was. Or maybe it was the little hit of E I’d had, or maybe it was Justin doing whatever it was he was doing against me. It was technically dancing since he was doing it in time to the music, but I was pretty sure no one else would agree with that. I just held onto him and kissed and licked and nuzzled whatever part of him was nearest my mouth, and let the music pound through me.
Justin had his arms around my neck, and his t-shirt was riding up, and I slipped my hand flat against his bare belly. He pulled back a little so I could have some room, and just as I was about to stick my hand down his pants, I realized I was seriously planning on jerking my boyfriend off on the dance floor of Babylon in front of half of gay PA and a least a dozen of my employees. I mean, that’s what the backroom was for. And the club office. And the VIP room. And the loft. And the house.
So why was my hand down his pants?
“Looks like you boys could use some WATER. The thing is, are you going to drink it, or should I have them turn a hose on you to cool you down?”
“You know, Emmett, what would happen to your sex life if I had you banned from Babylon FOREVER?”
He just laughed. I left him and Justin dancing and went to the bar to get a drink. While I was there Michael came up behind me. “Hey!”
“You’re out late.”
“Ben’s off next week, so we thought we’d have some fun. He’s dancing with Justin and Emmett, I came to get something to drink.”
“Be my guest.” I nodded at the bartender, who got Michael a beer. I downed my second shot.
He grinned at me. “So, you look happy.”
“I’m going to kill the next person who says that to me.”
Michael just laughed. “Yeah, I really just said it to piss you off. It must be hard on the old Kinney mystique, to have that stupid grin on your face all the time.”
I looked at him but didn’t say anything.
“That doesn’t work on me, Brian.”
“What?”
“The death glare.”
“I’m trying to remember why I haven’t had you banned from the club.”
He laughed and threw his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go get our husbands or dates or whatever the fuck you’re calling Justin these days.”
“I call him Justin. It has a certain ring to it, given that it’s HIS NAME.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. You know something, Brian?”
It was my night to have Novotnys try to enlighten me. “I’m fairly sure nothing on earth I could possibly do could stop you from telling me.”
He just laughed again. “You. Are. PATHETIC.”
Justin’s POV
I was dancing with Emmett and Ben when Brian and Michael re-appeared. I was still feeling pretty happy, but not quite as high as before. Brian of course had a bottle of water and he stood there and watched while I drank it, and didn’t let me kiss him until he was sure I’d swallowed.
But it was a really, really nice kiss so I forgave him.
“Let’s get out of here.” He was whispering in my ear.
I whispered back, although I had to go on my toes to reach his ear. “I thought you were going to fuck me in the backroom?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Not with this audience.”
“I thought you got off on an audience.”
“Not THIS audience.”
“Well, you should have them thrown out.” It seemed perfectly logical to me.
“Or we could go to the loft.”
I thought about that. “That sounds kind of hot, let’s do that.”
Brian smiled at me and put his hand on my neck. He turned us around to Michael, who was dancing with Ben and Emmett. “Night, boys. The bar is on me, have anything you want. Even you, Em, although I’m sure that will wipe out all my profits for the weekend and I’m going to live to regret it.”
Michael kissed Brian’s cheek and then mine, and we waved at Ben and Em and left.
It was weird coming back to the loft. Even though we’d been there earlier, it was starting to have a non-lived-in feeling.
I wrapped myself around Brian the minute he got the door shut, and he pulled me up off my feet and spun me around and over to the bedroom stairs, kissing my neck. I just tipped my head back and laughed.
“What was that for?”
“I’m sweeping you off your feet.”
He pulled me up the stairs and pushed my jacket off, and then pulled my t-shirt over my head. I tried to get his clothes off, but he was sucking on my nipple and it distracted me. His tongue was flicking around it, and it felt so good, I thought I’d just stand there and let him do it all night.
Then he started taking my pants off, and that seemed like a good idea too, so I changed my mind.
At some point I was on the bed with my ass in the air and his mouth on my hole, lapping at it and opening me up with his fingers, and I was sort of rocking back and forth and humming in my throat, and saying things periodically like “Fuck me, Brian, fuck me fuck me fuck me” while he kept playing with my ass.
Finally he pulled away, grabbed condoms and lube from the bedside drawer and then he was pushing into me while I pushed back on him. He slid into me and it felt wonderful, thick and hard and hot, filling me up and pressing against all the places inside me that I liked touched, the way only Brian ever touched them. I was almost purring. I probably was purring.
He had one hand in my hair and the other on my hip, and he was kneeling behind me, fucking me slowly and precisely, hitting my prostate on every stroke. I had my arms crossed in front of me and my head tucked into them, and my cock was bouncing against my belly every time he thrust into me. He started to slide his hand off my hip and towards my cock, and I knew he was getting close, so I let him jerk me off. He leaned all the way over me, and we were both kneeling together on the bed, and then he pulled me hard into him and I reached one hand back and grabbed his thigh. I felt him start to come, and then I did, feeling the orgasm pulse through me, out of him and through me and out onto his hand.
Brian pulled out of me after a minute, and I rolled over and smiled up at him. “That was amazing.”
“You’re easy when you’re high.”
“You’re amazing when I’m high.”
He smiled at me and started stroking my hair. I wriggled over closer to him. “Brian?”
“Hmmm?”
“Have you told Michael?”
He didn’t pretend not to know what I meant. “No.”
I blinked. “You probably should.”
Brian sighed. “I know.”
“He’s gonna guess or figure it out or hear it from someone.”
Brian looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Did you want to tell him?”
I shook my head. “No, it has to be you.” I reached up my hand and rested it lightly on Brian’s wrist while he played with my hair. He leaned down and kissed me. “Mmmmm.”
He kissed me again, pulled the duvet back up off the floor and over us, turned off the light, and pulled me tight into his arms. I curled up against him and we went to sleep.
When we woke up in the morning, the sun was blazing in my eyes and I moaned and turned away from the light. I was alone in bed, but I could hear noises in the kitchen. I hoped that meant coffee.
I was stretching under the covers when Brian appeared in the doorway with tragedy written all over his face. “There’s no coffee.”
“That’s a misfortune of monumental proportions. Does Starbuck’s deliver?”
He shook his head. “No. Which is so wrong. What are we going to do?”
“Can you fuck me without coffee?”
He reflected on that, and shook his head.
“Then you have to go out and get some.”
“Why do I have to do all the work?”
He had a point. “Because you’re up?”
He threw himself down on the bed and crawled under the covers. “Nice try.”
I laughed and pulled him in close. “Are you SURE you can’t fuck me without coffee?”
Brian nuzzled my neck. I sighed and smiled and tipped my head back and did everything I could think of to show him how nice it would be to go and get some coffee and then fuck me. Then he started to tickle me.
“Way to ruin a moment, Brian.” I was gasping with laughter and swatting at his hands.
“You were trying to get me to fuck you without coffee. You had to be stopped.”
“You need to learn to be more cooperative.”
He stopped tickling me and kissed me. “Do you think we should sell the loft?”
That came out of nowhere. “Why?”
He shrugged. “We never use it.”
“We used it last night.”
“Yeah, and now we have no coffee.”
“You want to sell the loft because we ran out of coffee? Brian. Don’t you think that’s a slight over-reaction?”
“I just wondered what you wanted to do.”
I thought about it. “OK, I have a sort of love/hate thing with the loft.”
“Sort of how you feel about me.”
I rolled right over on top of him and straddled him. “I really don’t hate you.”
“OK. Fine. We’ll just go on a little car trip, it’ll all come back to you.”
“Yeah, that’s true, I do hate you. But I hate the loft more.” I kissed him and stretched out on top of him. “And love it less.”
“Do you want to sell it?”
I lay on Brian’s chest for a while, thinking about it. It was hard, fuck, it was impossible, to imagine the loft being gone. Someone else living and sleeping in the place where we first made love, taking showers in our shower. I hated thinking about that.
And yeah, I had bad memories here, but that wasn’t the problem. There can be bad memories anywhere, I had bad memories of the diner and Babylon and parking garages. I still managed to eat and dance and park the car. It was something else, something I couldn’t quite explain, but it was like the loft pulled me in and pushed me away and I never found anything there I could grab onto and have it hold. Things always seemed to be giving away in my hands there.
Brian’s hands were smoothing my hair. “It’s OK, Justin, we can sell it.” His voice was soft and soothing. I pulled myself up on my elbows and looked at his eyes. He looked tired and a little worried.
I kissed him and shook my head. “No, let’s keep it. But Brian?”
“Yeah?”
“Never, ever run out of coffee here again. OK?”
Brian’s POV
I hesitated before pushing open the door to Red Cape. I’d thought about telling Michael I was going to come by, but on the rare occasions when I did, I never called first, and I didn’t want him making a big deal out of it.
It was just after lunch, the slowest time of day in the store, and there was only one customer in the place. Michael looked up when I came in, and his face lit up. “Brian! What are you doing here?”
I went over to the counter and kissed him hello. “Looking for a present for my best friend, he’s a comic book geek.”
The kid came up to pay just then, so I poked around the shelves until he left. I turned around and Michael was looking at me expectantly.
“OK, you’re chewing your lips off. What’s up?”
I sighed. I wondered if they had botox for the lower half of your face, because it seemed to be betraying me constantly these days.
“Nothing, just wanted to stop by and see my oldest and dearest friend. Is that so unusual?”
“Ummm, yeah, how about totally unheard of? Why aren’t you at work?”
I shrugged. “There’s actually no one who can keep me there if I want to leave. I own the place.”
“Must be nice.”
I nodded. Michael sighed.
“OK, Brian, is something wrong? You’re freaking me out.”
I looked at him speculatively for a few minutes. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to tell you something and I was trying to think of a way to get out of it.”
He didn’t laugh. That might have been because it wasn’t funny, although Michael usually laughed at even my weakest attempts at humor. He just waited.
“It’s, ummm, me and Justin.”
He looked alarmed. “Is something wrong with you and Justin?”
“No, no, everything’s fine. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”
“You came by to tell me everything’s fine with you and Justin.” He gave me a “don’t bullshit me” look.
“Something like that.”
He kept giving me the look.
“Forget it.”
“I think I know.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think you do.”
“Yeah, I do. From something my mom said, combined with something Emmett said, with something Justin said, and because you’re obviously about to have a stroke. You and Justin are doing the marriage thing again.”
I shook my head. “We’re not getting married.”
“You mean you’re not having a wedding.”
“OK. Something like that.” Really, if I was going to have a stroke, now would be good.
Michael came out from behind the counter and hugged me. I stood there with my arms down at my sides, and he pulled back and laughed in my face. “God, Brian, you’re such a mess. Why is this such a big deal? You and Justin did this before, I told you I was happy for you then, and I’m happier for you now.”
“Why happier now?” That seemed weird.
He looked at me for a minute. “Because now it’s not coming totally out of the blue. Because it’s like the two of you worked things out. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve actually talked about it.”
I looked at him and opened my mouth, but he cut me off. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sure you haven’t discussed it, that would be lesbianic.”
“We talked about it. Once or twice. Briefly.” But I smiled at him. That had gone pretty well. And I didn’t have to have the stroke.
“And this is better because I don’t have to wear a suit.”
“Yeah, well, you’ll still always be my best man.” I kissed him and then he hugged me again, and when I decided we’d had enough lesbianism for one conversation, I pulled back. “Now is when Deb would warn me not to fuck it up.”
“Yeah, well, I haven’t turned into my mother yet.”
I nodded. “Yet.”
Justin’s POV
I woke up before Brian that morning, which I didn’t usually do. He had his head on my shoulder and his leg sticking out from under the covers. I watched him sleeping for a while, his hair all messed up and spiky and his lips parted just a little bit.
The alarm went off and he opened his eyes, and blinked and then smiled when he saw me looking at him. I reached over him and turned off the alarm, and before I could roll back, he pulled me down and gave me a kiss.
I smiled down at him. “Today’s April the fourth.”
He blinked again. “I have a calendar, but thank you for the announcement.”
“Asshole. Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment today?” He grinned at me and I blushed.
My three-month clock had started ticking a while before Brian’s had, so I’d taken the test at Brian’s doctor’s office a few weeks before. I didn’t really know why we’d waited the entire three months for Brian to take his, because I was pretty sure he hadn’t been with anyone but me at least since I’d come home for Christmas, but that was the date we’d set when we decided, and neither of us brought it up again.
After Brian left for work, I went out to the studio. Most mornings I felt sure of what I was going to do, but this morning I wasn’t. I’d gone back to sleep after Brian got up, and slept as late as I could. I didn’t really feel like painting, and I didn’t feel like working on Rage, but I was fucked if I was going to wander around the house aimlessly counting the minutes until Brian came home to fuck me.
I booted up my computer and tried to work on Rage, but I was supposed to be illustrating hot sex scenes for him and JT and that didn’t seem to be a good idea. I wished I’d had something mindless to do, like organize my studio or stretch canvas, but I’d had a lot of energy this last month and there was nothing to do. And the problem with doing mindless things is that they don’t get your mind off what you want to get your mind off.
I eventually got involved in designing a painting on my computer, and finally lost track of time and my nerves. Around 5, my cell phone rang. It was Brian.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
I waited.
“Everything’s good, I’m coming home now.” I smiled.
“Later.”
“Later.”
And people say Brian and I don’t communicate.
Brian came in the front door at the same time I walked into the hall from my studio. He stopped when he saw me, and smiled. He took off his coat and walked towards me and threw it over the chair when he passed it. I just stood there, looking at him.
He stood so close to me I could feel his breath on my skin. I didn’t move, and he put his hands on the sides of my head and I tilted my head up and he leaned down and kissed me. I was holding onto his wrists, and I opened my mouth and felt his tongue making hard little licks at the inside of my lower lip. I felt breathless and a little bit strange.
Our bodies still weren’t touching, just our faces, and our hands. He broke away from me and smiled at me, and I looked at him and couldn’t help smiling back. He stepped all the way into me, our bodies touching everywhere, and slid his arms around my neck, and rested his forehead against mine. “Hey.”
“Hey.” My voice came out sounding strange, kind of like a whisper. I didn’t mean it to. I’d sworn I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of this. But I felt awkward and self-conscious and tentative.
“Have you eaten dinner?”
“What?”
He kissed me. “I said, have you eaten dinner?”
I shook my head. “I’m not hungry.” I couldn’t have eaten.
“OK, well, I’m going to go upstairs and take a shower, and you’re going to go into the kitchen and eat something. Because there’s one thing I can tell you, I have no intention of what I have planned for tonight being interrupted by scary noises from your stomach.”
I burst out laughing. “Ever the romantic.”
He nodded. “Go eat. I don’t care what, an apple, a piece of cheese, a pop tart. Just do me a favor and eat. And come up when you’re done.” And he kissed me again and went up the stairs.
I went into the kitchen and made a sincere effort to find something I thought I could swallow, and settled on a handful of crackers and some cold chicken.
I went upstairs and heard the shower running, and after hesitating a second, I stripped off my clothes and went into the bathroom. He smiled at me through the steamy glass, and I opened the door and got in with him. He pulled me under the water and I felt surrounded by heat and wetness and Brian. I wet my hair and shook my head, and he took the shampoo off the shelf and poured about five times more than I needed into his hand. He soaped up my head, and the excess lather rolled down my body and gathered around the drain, and we both laughed.
His fingers kept massaging my head, and I let it drop forward onto his shoulder. He worked the muscles in my scalp, and then my neck, and then ran his soapy hands down my arms and turned me around so my back was to him.
He rinsed me off and wrapped his arms around me, and dropped a kiss on my head. I leaned back into him, my arms coming up and wrapping around his. We just stood there for a minute, and I almost started to feel nervous again, but Brian turned off the water and opened the shower door and grabbed a couple of towels. We dried each other off.
He was rubbing my head with a towel. “Stop thinking.”
“What?”
He kissed me. “I said stop thinking.”
“I’m not.”
He rolled his eyes. “If you were a comic book character, the little balloon over your head would be so full of words it would take up the whole page.”
“Technically, I am a comic book character.”
“Well, then ask yourself, what would JT do? He’d let Rage drag him off to his lair and he wouldn’t be THINKING SO MUCH.”
I laughed. “JT isn’t the one doing all the talking.”
Brian’s POV
Justin told me to stop talking, so I walked him backwards into the bedroom and fell down on him, pushing him back onto the bed and mauling his mouth with mine. I didn’t want one inch of space between us, I wanted his bare skin on me everywhere.
We were both still a little damp from the shower, and I pushed his wet hair back off his face while I kissed him. He didn’t seem nervous anymore, but he had his eyes closed. He’d opened his legs when I fell on top of him, and I crawled up onto my knees between them, still kissing him.
He opened his eyes and looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, and gently started stroking the skin inside his thighs. He shivered and kept his eyes on mine, and I leaned down and kissed him again, softly. He reached his arms up around my neck and pulled me into him, and all the soft touches and sliding skin suddenly changed into heat and want, just like that. Just with the feeling of his legs wrapping around me, and his cock pressing against mine, and Justin saying my name.
I picked up the lube and squirted some on my fingers and reached down between Justin’s legs and started circling my finger around his hole. I gently put my fingertip just inside, then circled again, and then slid it all the way in, and he just kept looking at me, his lips parted and his breath shallow.
I swallowed, and he noticed, and smiled a little. I leaned down and kissed his smile. I licked his lower lip and the corners where they turned up, and then I gently licked the inside of his lip and slipped a second finger in next to the first.
His ass gently closed on my fingers for a second, and then I kind of lost it, and pulled them out and just sat there staring at him. He grinned at me and I grabbed the lube again, and his hand, and poured some into his palm, and put his hand on my cock. He put it on me, keeping his touch light. I groaned a little anyway and just for a second he squeezed me hard. I grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away, and leaned down and bit his lip.
“I don’t need any extra help tonight, thanks anyway.”
Justin laughed and butted into me with his head. “OK.” And then he bit his lower lip, just for a second.
I settled back on my heels, in between Justin’s legs, and he reached out and took my cock and put the head right at his opening, and then I put my hand over his, and he took his away. I took a breath, and started rubbing the head of my cock around his hole. Justin groaned and closed his eyes, and grabbed my wrists and held on.
Anyone who would think I was fucking Justin raw just because it would feel good was nuts. Fucking Justin with a condom any way possible - against a wall, in bed, from the front, from behind, slow, fast, rough, gentle - felt better than anything else I knew.
But doing it bare did feel good. Just the sensation of the wrinkles of his hole against the head of my cock, the feeling of them rubbing against the slit while my precome leaked out, made me groan and close my eyes and drop my head down.
Justin looked at me and licked his lips. “I can feel that.”
I just nodded. I pressed in a little harder, and he gripped harder on my wrists, and then I felt the head slide in and Justin’s ass clench down on me and I groaned. I just hung there, panting.
“Jesus, Justin, don’t do that.”
He laughed, and he sounded nervous again. “I didn’t mean to.”
I had to laugh too, then. “Christ, it’s like we’ve never fucked before.” I bent forward and he curled up a little, and I touched my forehead to his. Then he put his mouth at my ear and whispered.
“Fuck me, Brian.”
I pushed in a little more, and then stopped again. He stayed absolutely still. I bit my lip and pushed again. It was…. hot. The most overwhelming feeling I had was how hot and tight it was inside him. There was always pressure and heat, but not like this, not so wet and textured, not with every movement, even just Justin breathing, flickering over the skin of my cock.
I moved again, and went deep into him with one thrust, and then he clamped down tight again and I just fell onto him and started fucking him. His legs were up around me and his hands had gone from my wrists to the backs of my thighs, under my ass, and he was pulling me into him hard. And I just gave into it, and I guess he did too, because he was tightening on me so much that I felt my balls pull up and tingle and something hot and powerful build up at the base of my spine. And then it all just exploded out of me, and I came and came, flooding into him while he closed his legs even tighter around my back and gripped me with his hands, holding me as deep inside of him as he could.
Sometimes when I came like that, I would just fall down on him and not move until I could breath again, but that night I grabbed his hand and pulled it down, and held it where my cock was buried inside him, and pulled out a little. His fingers closed on my cock as I pulled it out, and then traced the edge of his stretched hole where it ran all around my dick, all slippery with lube and come.
Justin groaned, and I pulled all the way out. I slid down his body. Everything was wet and I just buried my face in him, rubbing my lips and cheeks all over his cock and his pubes and then sinking my tongue into his asshole, tasting come and knowing it was mine, while he grabbed my hair and pushed himself into my mouth. I licked and sucked and kept his thighs spread with my hands, and then I crawled back up Justin’s body and tongued the come from his ass into his mouth.
Justin’s POV
From the minute Brian touched his cock to my hole, I felt like my body was totally out of my control. I hadn’t expected his cock to feel that different, but when he rubbed his slit in the skin around my opening, I could feel it, and the precome leaking out felt hot, hotter than the lube, hotter than my skin.
Once he was inside me, what was different at first was that Brian totally lost control. And I didn’t care, because when he started pouring into me, it was hotter and wetter than I’d even thought it would be, and I just held onto him and felt it filling me up inside.
I grabbed onto his hair when he started licking his come out of my ass and off my thighs, and then he kissed me and I tasted his come in his mouth. I was lying there licking it off his tongue, and then he pulled away and reached down for the lube on the floor next to the bed. He poured it into his palm and started to slick my cock with it, and I thought he was going to jerk me off.
But he lifted himself up over me, straddling me, and reached his lubed fingers around behind himself and slid one into his ass.
I clenched my fingers down on his thighs so hard they left white marks. Brian was breathing and rocking on his finger, and I brought my knees up behind him. He moved forward and grabbed my aching cock in his hand, and pressed the head to his hole, and let himself sink down onto it a little.
I’d never fucked Brian this way. In some ways being on top gives you a lot more control of the fuck, but in other ways, it can be too much: too deep, too intense. So I tried to hold still and let Brian lower himself onto me slowly, but when I felt my head slip past his impossibly tight opening, I just couldn’t. I thrust up into him and heard him give a little gasp, and I tried to hold still again, but he settled himself onto me hard, and that was it. I pushed up once more, and then twice, and I was pouring into him.
I opened my eyes and Brian was grinning down at me. He lifted himself off me carefully, biting his lip at the pain, and then taking a big smear of my come out of his ass, and bringing it up to my face and then kissing me while we both licked it off his fingers. He was lying next to me, partially on me, and we were both laughing.
Brian pulled me tight into him and rolled over, and I curled up against him, with my head on his shoulder, and we just lay there, our hands touching. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I kept having to kiss his chest. He was just stroking my hair like he always did, and when I looked up at him, he was looking at me, and he smiled too.
We fell asleep like that, but Brian woke me up a little while later and fucked me again, lying across my back and moaning and biting my neck when he came, his hand closed around my cock and my come spurting out onto the sheets. And then I woke him up just as it was getting light, and he fucked me with my arms and legs wrapped around him, like the first time, his tongue in my mouth and my ass clenching around him while we both came.
I was lying there with Brian mostly on me, and neither one of us could move much beyond playing with each other’s hair and fingers.
“Last night was the first time that we both had a first time of something at the same time.” Great example of my highly developed verbal skills.
Brian kissed my neck lightly. “The second time.”
“Huh?”
“That’s the second time we’ve both had a first time together.”
It took me a minute to think about what he could have meant, and when I thought of the only thing it could be, I got tears in my eyes, which I hoped he wouldn’t notice. I kept my head tipped back and just let them run off the side of my face. There were only a couple.
“Don’t cry, Justin, or I won’t fuck you.”
I laughed in a weepy kind of way. “Yeah, right. You won’t fuck me.”
He dragged himself up and leaned over me, his hands on both sides of my face and partially in my hair, right across the tear tracks. He kissed my left eye, and then my right eye. “Don’t. Cry.”
He rested his head in the bend of my neck, his arm across me, one hand still in my hair. I wasn’t crying anymore.
I wriggled a little bit, trying to get more comfortable. “My ass is sore.”
He snorted. “Yeah, I bet.” He sounded kind of proud, actually.
“Not as sore as I’d have thought, though.” Considering.
“It’s the incredible healing power of my semen.” He sounded totally serious right up until the last word, when he started to laugh.
I bit the arm that was nearest to my mouth.
“HEY!”
“Just rub some of your amazing healing semen on it. It’ll be fine.”
I found some inner reservoir of strength and rolled over on top of him when I said that. He grabbed my wrists and I straddled him with my weight on his outstretched hands for a minute. Then I got my arms free and dropped down on him and started tickling his sides, and he tried to buck me off while he laughed. I knew he’d win, so I gave in right away. Besides, I was exhausted. He rolled me over and lay on top of me. He didn’t try to tickle me, because he was exhausted too. But not too exhausted to say something.
“I love you.”
I lay there for a minute. Brian never said that in bed. Never. He never had, even once. Fuck, I was not going to cry again.
“Oh god, now you see why I never say it?”
I nodded. “That’s the thing, right? That you meant before, the other first time?”
He kissed my neck and didn’t look at me. “Yeah.”
I didn’t say anything but he pulled the duvet up off the floor and wrapped us in it. I pulled him as tight as I could and we fell asleep that way, in a tangled up pile in the middle of our wrecked bed, every pillow and blanket and sheet on the floor.
The sequel to Decisions starts here: Desires, Chapter 1