(no subject)
Is it worse to let something fall apart when you knew you could keep it together than to be the only one keeping it together?
I don't know. I know that it's hard as hell to not do everything in my power to make everything okay. But it's quite possibly harder to continue feeling like the only one actually doing anything to keep it okay.
If I try to give up on a fight and move on, it's me just not wanting to be proven wrong. Why can't I just not want to waste my fucking time with you fighting?!
God forbid I actually do fight with you...then the gloves come off. People say that sometimes people say things they don't mean in the midst of anger. But other people say that it's when you're most emotional that you actually say how you truely feel. See, I know that both are possible. But I don't know which one you are...
I'm leaning toward the latter...
I mean, you say the same shit. It doesn';t vary. So it's got to have some sort of truth, right?
Is it so wrong of me to want to have someone show me that they love me too much to continue fighting with me?
Is it so wrong of me to want you to be the first to break the silence? Just because it tears you apart that we're right next to eachother, yet so far apart?!
Is it so wrong of me to want you do to what I do for you? To feel what I do for you?
Yeah...you do shit for me...
But how much of it is really helping me, and us?
Yeah...you're not a horrible person...
But you sure know how to treat me like I am.
I'm not mad. I'm really not. I'm more disappointed.
You';re going to leave here without saying a god damn nice thing to me. I bet it.
You can't give up the least bit of your pride. And I can;t fucking take it anymore.
I'm afraid to step back and let it happen. I'm afraid that if I don't break the silence, it will never end. I'm afraid that if I don't give up the fight, it will become a fight to the death.
But I'm also afraid that if i continue to do these things, nothing will ever change. You will still say the same damn things you do to me. You will still try to say that my stopping a fight is really me just not wanting to lose.
It hurts. It really does. I believe that you really think and feel these things.
I don't want to be with someone who thinks so terrible of me. And I don't want you to be with someone you think so terrible of.
But I also don't want to lose you. When you tuck your ego aside and actually just spend time with me, it's great. It really is.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Will I ever say anything like this to your face?
No.
I've tried. You only get pissed off and turn it into one of those horrible fights that I'm tired of wasting our time together on.
So I'll just sit here and let it eat me away and just hope that you realize just what it is that you do to me. The good and the bad.
I just wish things were different....
I don't know. I know that it's hard as hell to not do everything in my power to make everything okay. But it's quite possibly harder to continue feeling like the only one actually doing anything to keep it okay.
If I try to give up on a fight and move on, it's me just not wanting to be proven wrong. Why can't I just not want to waste my fucking time with you fighting?!
God forbid I actually do fight with you...then the gloves come off. People say that sometimes people say things they don't mean in the midst of anger. But other people say that it's when you're most emotional that you actually say how you truely feel. See, I know that both are possible. But I don't know which one you are...
I'm leaning toward the latter...
I mean, you say the same shit. It doesn';t vary. So it's got to have some sort of truth, right?
Is it so wrong of me to want to have someone show me that they love me too much to continue fighting with me?
Is it so wrong of me to want you to be the first to break the silence? Just because it tears you apart that we're right next to eachother, yet so far apart?!
Is it so wrong of me to want you do to what I do for you? To feel what I do for you?
Yeah...you do shit for me...
But how much of it is really helping me, and us?
Yeah...you're not a horrible person...
But you sure know how to treat me like I am.
I'm not mad. I'm really not. I'm more disappointed.
You';re going to leave here without saying a god damn nice thing to me. I bet it.
You can't give up the least bit of your pride. And I can;t fucking take it anymore.
I'm afraid to step back and let it happen. I'm afraid that if I don't break the silence, it will never end. I'm afraid that if I don't give up the fight, it will become a fight to the death.
But I'm also afraid that if i continue to do these things, nothing will ever change. You will still say the same damn things you do to me. You will still try to say that my stopping a fight is really me just not wanting to lose.
It hurts. It really does. I believe that you really think and feel these things.
I don't want to be with someone who thinks so terrible of me. And I don't want you to be with someone you think so terrible of.
But I also don't want to lose you. When you tuck your ego aside and actually just spend time with me, it's great. It really is.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Will I ever say anything like this to your face?
No.
I've tried. You only get pissed off and turn it into one of those horrible fights that I'm tired of wasting our time together on.
So I'll just sit here and let it eat me away and just hope that you realize just what it is that you do to me. The good and the bad.
I just wish things were different....