(no subject)
By the book or the gun
There's fear inside of everyone.
Fear of change or fear of naught
Fear of losing what we wrought
But this as such the price to pay
When we make life of it's own way
Even God who made the law
Even He always saw
He left us free, so to choose
And through it all we'd never lose
That great love He bore us from the start
Always held so dear, in His heart.
Sigh, I don't know how to make text italic. So like, the first one, that's obviously from Varanus, and I don't know if it's original to him or no. In anycase, it sorta inspired me to make the rest in my head, and then I thought, "hey i like that, i'm gonna write it down". So there you go. Lol, if only that was all there were to it, and such things were mere idle fancy and whim. The dancing of my fingers, with thought only to the lovely evolution of the screen. Truth be told, I am always quite frustrated when I see things that are not as they should be. Particularly when they are so avoidable, or when they cause hypocritical generalizations to threaten myself with the misdeeds pallor shadows. So that is what the little ditty at the beginning was about. I am aware of certain bit of drama that, though my own tale has lightly LIGHTLY echoed it, is all the more vexing for its absurdity. Division of this nature is in my experience discouraged and the result of fear or a misbegotten sense of authoritarian power rights. Blah. So yes, this bothers me, and like... we aren't all like that I swear. I personally have a female friend who made essentially the same choice, and though the powers that be were certainly taken aback and in all honesty would have preferred otherwise, things remained harmonious. And why shouldn't they? Such matters can never be forced, and yet ... oh blah. It's strange, the ability to sympathise with both parties, and I even feel a little guilty for sympathyzing with the upper ups, though I know I shouldn't. Maybe I feel guilty due to sheer proximity, or my own little ripples of insanity. Whatever the case may be, I don't want to misrepresent myself (then all would be lost!) so feeling funny about it or no, I have to say I can definately understand and agree with some of the thinking of both parties. Agh, why is not the world ideal? This coping that humanity has for dealing with things poorly, it is troublesome to say the least. Well, that is enough of that. These aren't even my issues, though in a way, we all share our problems don't we?
Mraaar. New paragraph, and yes that does indeed signify all you think it does and more, so much more. Lol, hmmm strange but I always retain the ability to laugh, no matter my mood. I'm going to assume that's a good thing. You know what else is a good thing? Girls, in particular the girlfriend kind. Girlfriends that are pretty and nice. Yes, that a a good thing too. And I am happy to say that I too number among the befuddled men who have been inexplicably blessed with a girlfriend that is both pretty and nice. Hooray! Hooray for the universe spinning backwards so she'd fall and hit her head and then think that all my defects were "cute", :)
Blah blah blah, well I had better save the story of that paragraph if I'm to end on a positive note, which I endeavor to do.
Which of course means, another paragraph!
Righto. So then, now we delve into my own little issues and problems and so forth. I was debating between "so forth" and "stuff" , but I'm just not in a very "stuff" mood. Moving right along though. Ok so. I have just finished up with a round of tests and all sorts of other finish before spring things. So I'm a little spent from all that. And all you liberal arts isn't real people can just die. I'm not saying it isn't easy, but so is driving and you still have to bother to learn it or you will crash. And what's more, it isn't all totally easy. Right, so I just finished all the business and am tired, and in need of a break. Which is exactly how I'm supposed to feel since they schedule it all right before spring break. However, I do not get a break. Instead I am in Indianapolis. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about any of the following, just tired. So, yes. My grandpa is dying of prostate cancer. What's more, it was totally avoidable if his doctor hadn't been criminally negligent. He basically sat and watched the symptoms get worse and worse for months before acting and by then the cancer was spread all over and into his bones. So that's quite irritating to say the least. And of course there's the matter of my grandpa being sick and in the hospital. Which is why I'm here. To take care of my grandma and visit my grandpa for hours in the hospital next to his roomate with lung cancer because both of the poor guys are stuck in the hospital. Meanwhile, I get to feel pull of my extended family wanting me to spend time with them while I'm here. I would love to, and I honestly am very close to my cousins and so forth and very much wish I saw them more often. But the timing is poor. Because I'm the only one here at my grandmas to help out and so get to shoulder all the responsability and burden of which I have basically no idea, of what to do or even what's going on. And naturally my mom, my dad, and my aunt call in to talk to me because since they're not here that's all they can do. Which sends their very tangible stress right to me, because these people are even more wigged out and have like, the real responsabilities. And now today my mom is here, which I'm very very glad for, but then she asks about grades, and I'm pretty much getting all B's, which is good but not great, and I both ought and need to do great. Which I'm well aware of, but just in case she reminds me again, for her own peace of mind and then muses that she still thinks I'm A.D.D. Who knows, i prbly am. Then there's my issue of being upset when the people I care about are having a rough time. So the first thing I rambled about adds a little. And of course pretty much every day that we've been dating, my girlfriend has been having a rough time with her family, which of course just thrills me. (Holly, I forbid you to feel bad about this, you are SO much prettier when you smile, though i'd wager you pretty much are always pretty...) Like one of the more recent developments was quite .. well it got me by surprise and left me both tired and fired up. Basically, her family has always had rather rough times, and on Friday Holly's older sister was given like, sight, and saw a furry creature approximately 3 feet tall hunched over staring at their father's work van and having a very very intense feeling of evil to it causing her to scream cry and flee. So I'm told, and I can either think that they're putting me on, that she was delirious or accurate, and frankly I know of no reason to concoct something like that so I think she really saw it, and I also don't see any logical explanation for why she saw something like that. Which given my beliefs that do make allowance for that sort of thing, the only thing that leaves me is to believe her. So i was like, wow , my girlfriends family has a demon that's been attacking. So I was pretty fired up and like, prayed a whole bunch, and then do my absolute delight Holly's mom took action and authority where is was jolly well hers instead of stewing and asking everyone what to do. So I'm thrilled about that, but left with a little less energy for the ordeal. Or maybe I actually gained energy but it's just everything else ... who knows. I am quite excited to see if things get better though. And finnaly, there is of course the guilt that comes with the knowledge that everyone else has problems worse than mine, like dying, or having it be your father who's dying, or your family that's in strife and all that, and yet here I am with the nerve to be displeased about it.
And the funny thing is. When people ask me how my break was, i'm going to say "good". And you know, it will be an honest answer. THe only way you'd even be able to tell I was so incredibly stressed would be if you caught and took note of the uncharacteristic pause and contemplation before I answered with a positive. I don't know how many people would catch it, prbly not many, and at the least less than would ask me to begin with.
So, in truth, i can't wait to return to school and all the normal stresses that it brings. That will be a break compared to this "break".
Which brings me to my happy ending. (God help me if this sours)
On April 8th, there's a dance being had, and I LOVE dancing. What's more, that's a saturday and the date of my 8 month anniversary with Holly. AND SHE MIGHT GET TO COME DOWN FOR IT!!!!! Like, she told me, and I made all sorts of squeeky noises, and was just very excited! Like, I can not even begin to describe how totally awesome that would be, and how inconcievably happy that would make me. Just seeing her and giving her a hug would be stupendous, but a WHOLE DANCE! Like AMAZING! Teehee, yess, so I'm very excited about that, though I'm trying to temper it with the knowledge of how tumultuous plans tend to be, but all the same I'm absolutely THRILLED with the chance. So, yeah. Lot's of things going on with Scott other than videogames, not that anyone would guess. Hah, or would they? Do I hide it all that well, or do people just not pay any attention I wonder?
I guess that'll do it for now.
Get better Erin!
Bye guys
~Still just a laughing monkey
There's fear inside of everyone.
Fear of change or fear of naught
Fear of losing what we wrought
But this as such the price to pay
When we make life of it's own way
Even God who made the law
Even He always saw
He left us free, so to choose
And through it all we'd never lose
That great love He bore us from the start
Always held so dear, in His heart.
Sigh, I don't know how to make text italic. So like, the first one, that's obviously from Varanus, and I don't know if it's original to him or no. In anycase, it sorta inspired me to make the rest in my head, and then I thought, "hey i like that, i'm gonna write it down". So there you go. Lol, if only that was all there were to it, and such things were mere idle fancy and whim. The dancing of my fingers, with thought only to the lovely evolution of the screen. Truth be told, I am always quite frustrated when I see things that are not as they should be. Particularly when they are so avoidable, or when they cause hypocritical generalizations to threaten myself with the misdeeds pallor shadows. So that is what the little ditty at the beginning was about. I am aware of certain bit of drama that, though my own tale has lightly LIGHTLY echoed it, is all the more vexing for its absurdity. Division of this nature is in my experience discouraged and the result of fear or a misbegotten sense of authoritarian power rights. Blah. So yes, this bothers me, and like... we aren't all like that I swear. I personally have a female friend who made essentially the same choice, and though the powers that be were certainly taken aback and in all honesty would have preferred otherwise, things remained harmonious. And why shouldn't they? Such matters can never be forced, and yet ... oh blah. It's strange, the ability to sympathise with both parties, and I even feel a little guilty for sympathyzing with the upper ups, though I know I shouldn't. Maybe I feel guilty due to sheer proximity, or my own little ripples of insanity. Whatever the case may be, I don't want to misrepresent myself (then all would be lost!) so feeling funny about it or no, I have to say I can definately understand and agree with some of the thinking of both parties. Agh, why is not the world ideal? This coping that humanity has for dealing with things poorly, it is troublesome to say the least. Well, that is enough of that. These aren't even my issues, though in a way, we all share our problems don't we?
Mraaar. New paragraph, and yes that does indeed signify all you think it does and more, so much more. Lol, hmmm strange but I always retain the ability to laugh, no matter my mood. I'm going to assume that's a good thing. You know what else is a good thing? Girls, in particular the girlfriend kind. Girlfriends that are pretty and nice. Yes, that a a good thing too. And I am happy to say that I too number among the befuddled men who have been inexplicably blessed with a girlfriend that is both pretty and nice. Hooray! Hooray for the universe spinning backwards so she'd fall and hit her head and then think that all my defects were "cute", :)
Blah blah blah, well I had better save the story of that paragraph if I'm to end on a positive note, which I endeavor to do.
Which of course means, another paragraph!
Righto. So then, now we delve into my own little issues and problems and so forth. I was debating between "so forth" and "stuff" , but I'm just not in a very "stuff" mood. Moving right along though. Ok so. I have just finished up with a round of tests and all sorts of other finish before spring things. So I'm a little spent from all that. And all you liberal arts isn't real people can just die. I'm not saying it isn't easy, but so is driving and you still have to bother to learn it or you will crash. And what's more, it isn't all totally easy. Right, so I just finished all the business and am tired, and in need of a break. Which is exactly how I'm supposed to feel since they schedule it all right before spring break. However, I do not get a break. Instead I am in Indianapolis. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about any of the following, just tired. So, yes. My grandpa is dying of prostate cancer. What's more, it was totally avoidable if his doctor hadn't been criminally negligent. He basically sat and watched the symptoms get worse and worse for months before acting and by then the cancer was spread all over and into his bones. So that's quite irritating to say the least. And of course there's the matter of my grandpa being sick and in the hospital. Which is why I'm here. To take care of my grandma and visit my grandpa for hours in the hospital next to his roomate with lung cancer because both of the poor guys are stuck in the hospital. Meanwhile, I get to feel pull of my extended family wanting me to spend time with them while I'm here. I would love to, and I honestly am very close to my cousins and so forth and very much wish I saw them more often. But the timing is poor. Because I'm the only one here at my grandmas to help out and so get to shoulder all the responsability and burden of which I have basically no idea, of what to do or even what's going on. And naturally my mom, my dad, and my aunt call in to talk to me because since they're not here that's all they can do. Which sends their very tangible stress right to me, because these people are even more wigged out and have like, the real responsabilities. And now today my mom is here, which I'm very very glad for, but then she asks about grades, and I'm pretty much getting all B's, which is good but not great, and I both ought and need to do great. Which I'm well aware of, but just in case she reminds me again, for her own peace of mind and then muses that she still thinks I'm A.D.D. Who knows, i prbly am. Then there's my issue of being upset when the people I care about are having a rough time. So the first thing I rambled about adds a little. And of course pretty much every day that we've been dating, my girlfriend has been having a rough time with her family, which of course just thrills me. (Holly, I forbid you to feel bad about this, you are SO much prettier when you smile, though i'd wager you pretty much are always pretty...) Like one of the more recent developments was quite .. well it got me by surprise and left me both tired and fired up. Basically, her family has always had rather rough times, and on Friday Holly's older sister was given like, sight, and saw a furry creature approximately 3 feet tall hunched over staring at their father's work van and having a very very intense feeling of evil to it causing her to scream cry and flee. So I'm told, and I can either think that they're putting me on, that she was delirious or accurate, and frankly I know of no reason to concoct something like that so I think she really saw it, and I also don't see any logical explanation for why she saw something like that. Which given my beliefs that do make allowance for that sort of thing, the only thing that leaves me is to believe her. So i was like, wow , my girlfriends family has a demon that's been attacking. So I was pretty fired up and like, prayed a whole bunch, and then do my absolute delight Holly's mom took action and authority where is was jolly well hers instead of stewing and asking everyone what to do. So I'm thrilled about that, but left with a little less energy for the ordeal. Or maybe I actually gained energy but it's just everything else ... who knows. I am quite excited to see if things get better though. And finnaly, there is of course the guilt that comes with the knowledge that everyone else has problems worse than mine, like dying, or having it be your father who's dying, or your family that's in strife and all that, and yet here I am with the nerve to be displeased about it.
And the funny thing is. When people ask me how my break was, i'm going to say "good". And you know, it will be an honest answer. THe only way you'd even be able to tell I was so incredibly stressed would be if you caught and took note of the uncharacteristic pause and contemplation before I answered with a positive. I don't know how many people would catch it, prbly not many, and at the least less than would ask me to begin with.
So, in truth, i can't wait to return to school and all the normal stresses that it brings. That will be a break compared to this "break".
Which brings me to my happy ending. (God help me if this sours)
On April 8th, there's a dance being had, and I LOVE dancing. What's more, that's a saturday and the date of my 8 month anniversary with Holly. AND SHE MIGHT GET TO COME DOWN FOR IT!!!!! Like, she told me, and I made all sorts of squeeky noises, and was just very excited! Like, I can not even begin to describe how totally awesome that would be, and how inconcievably happy that would make me. Just seeing her and giving her a hug would be stupendous, but a WHOLE DANCE! Like AMAZING! Teehee, yess, so I'm very excited about that, though I'm trying to temper it with the knowledge of how tumultuous plans tend to be, but all the same I'm absolutely THRILLED with the chance. So, yeah. Lot's of things going on with Scott other than videogames, not that anyone would guess. Hah, or would they? Do I hide it all that well, or do people just not pay any attention I wonder?
I guess that'll do it for now.
Get better Erin!
Bye guys
~Still just a laughing monkey