An Introspective
I won't bore you with details (or maybe I will, this article is still young), but it's defiantly a bit weird looking back to how you were to how you are to how you will be.
To start off, I just want to clarify: I'm not trying to be vague or mysterious with this post. It's mostly just a sum up of a moment of clarity and nostalgia.
This basically all started while I was perusing my friend's page on livejournal. As many of you know, this journal has been mostly dead for the past half year? year? Pretty much boredom of being at work has driven me back into it's waiting arms. After exhausting my source of entertainment today (Cracked, I decided to turn to browsing through my friend's page here.
Keep in mind, I haven't updated nor edited my friend's setting in quite a while so the first so imagine my surprise when I see an entry from someone I knew from "back in the day".
I really don't mean to be rude or anything, but curiosity got the best of me and I began reading the entry.
After reading that I began trying to track down some postings of other people and began reading those too.
It gave me a really strange feeling of disconnection. Almost like I was reading messages written by the deceased or something. But on the up and up, I'm glad that people are living their lives and forging their own path.
But this whole experience has left me unsettled and questioning my own self worth in life. Have I really been doing the most I can? Well, the answer is no, but it was mostly a rhetorical question anyways.
This has also left me wanting to reconnect with a few people. Maybe after a few years and facing situations as "adults" has changed us into someone different, hopefully better. It'd just be interesting to see what people are up to and if we've really matured and grown into better people.
I think one of my biggest fears is to be left behind and forgotten and that's where the unsettling feeling stems from. The idea that I'm so minuscule as a human that even after meeting and talking with people I can be discarded and boxed up like forgotten artifacts from your childhood.
Although in realizing this, it also makes me realize that this is one part of my ego that I should shed. It's stupid to think that I'm just that important that people will remember me. At least the me I am now. I mean, really, humans interacting with other humans happens all the time, how would my interaction be that much different then?
In addition, I'm afraid that for all my opinions and logic that I'm really just spouting nonsense. I mean, honestly, how much real world experience have I had? I haven't really traveled and haven't been through any real horrible duress. A lot of things I say seem logical to me, but is it true in the big picture? I'm really given limited information and I've had a pretty sheltered upbringing so when I speak, am I really given accurate information or am I merely giving some scrape of the truth? This bothers me, because despite everything, I've always prided myself on being pretty levelheaded and logical. But if it was only an delusion that I thought that I was smart and that I thought that I knew stuff...what does that make me?
Whatever, this post didn't make that much sense and I'll probably disregard it as ramblings later, but for now, I wish the best to all the people I've met and for the people I will meet. I just hope I don't forget that everybody has their own lives to live.
To start off, I just want to clarify: I'm not trying to be vague or mysterious with this post. It's mostly just a sum up of a moment of clarity and nostalgia.
This basically all started while I was perusing my friend's page on livejournal. As many of you know, this journal has been mostly dead for the past half year? year? Pretty much boredom of being at work has driven me back into it's waiting arms. After exhausting my source of entertainment today (Cracked, I decided to turn to browsing through my friend's page here.
Keep in mind, I haven't updated nor edited my friend's setting in quite a while so the first so imagine my surprise when I see an entry from someone I knew from "back in the day".
I really don't mean to be rude or anything, but curiosity got the best of me and I began reading the entry.
After reading that I began trying to track down some postings of other people and began reading those too.
It gave me a really strange feeling of disconnection. Almost like I was reading messages written by the deceased or something. But on the up and up, I'm glad that people are living their lives and forging their own path.
But this whole experience has left me unsettled and questioning my own self worth in life. Have I really been doing the most I can? Well, the answer is no, but it was mostly a rhetorical question anyways.
This has also left me wanting to reconnect with a few people. Maybe after a few years and facing situations as "adults" has changed us into someone different, hopefully better. It'd just be interesting to see what people are up to and if we've really matured and grown into better people.
I think one of my biggest fears is to be left behind and forgotten and that's where the unsettling feeling stems from. The idea that I'm so minuscule as a human that even after meeting and talking with people I can be discarded and boxed up like forgotten artifacts from your childhood.
Although in realizing this, it also makes me realize that this is one part of my ego that I should shed. It's stupid to think that I'm just that important that people will remember me. At least the me I am now. I mean, really, humans interacting with other humans happens all the time, how would my interaction be that much different then?
In addition, I'm afraid that for all my opinions and logic that I'm really just spouting nonsense. I mean, honestly, how much real world experience have I had? I haven't really traveled and haven't been through any real horrible duress. A lot of things I say seem logical to me, but is it true in the big picture? I'm really given limited information and I've had a pretty sheltered upbringing so when I speak, am I really given accurate information or am I merely giving some scrape of the truth? This bothers me, because despite everything, I've always prided myself on being pretty levelheaded and logical. But if it was only an delusion that I thought that I was smart and that I thought that I knew stuff...what does that make me?
Whatever, this post didn't make that much sense and I'll probably disregard it as ramblings later, but for now, I wish the best to all the people I've met and for the people I will meet. I just hope I don't forget that everybody has their own lives to live.