something to call my own
something solid, something real
something I can truly feel
something treasured, something fine
a little piece of something
that I can call mine
it doesn’t have to last forever
though it doesn’t have to fade away
something that’s tethered to this moment
yet a thing that I hope will always stay
a little something to call my own
Something I’m working on. It needs some tightening up, but I don’t mind sharing it in progress. It’s interesting to see the progression of a work [even a tiny little work like this one] as it goes from scrawled in a journal to finished poem/song/prose. This one is feeling like a song, but sometimes they change their minds as time goes on!
I think accepting impermanence is one of the harder things I had to learn in life. When I turned 35, I had a bunch of really tough things start to pile up that kept on for a couple of years - changes, realizations about people and things that I loved… I got really turned around in the head about loss and death in ways that really gorked up my head for a while. I couldn’t sleep, I was very anxious - so afraid of the What Might Be. [If you read this blog regularly, you know this is a thing for me. I work hard at my easy-going, laidback persona!] What finally helped me get a grip on letting things go was that fateful year when my stepdad died suddenly - with everything that went along with it - and leaving the safe but limiting haven of Charlottesville for unknown adventures. Pushed out of my safety zone, I found that I had to decide what was worth keeping a death grip on, and what could gracefully be released.
Besides learning that things - stuff - is just that, and not all of it needs to be dragged throughout my life [which could encompass an entirely different blog post], I found that not fretting over losing every person in my life made me much happier. I think it made them happier, too. And ironically, though I think that not every friendship or relationship is meant to last a lifetime, I’ve lost very few people from my circle over the span of my adult life. And sometimes, I lose them for a while, then they re-emerge unexpectedly! I make friendships pretty solidly. When I like you, when I love you - you’re in. We’re spinning threads together that will always keep us connected.
I have a few people whom I’ve been friends with since high school. I’m still friends with most of my exes. Hell, I’m still friends with most of my exes’ FAMILIES. I don’t lose people easily. I don’t have to cling tightly in order for that to happen.
It’s good to have things change, and to be able to flow with those changes. But it is also good to realize that our connections always stay with us, unless we act to cut them loose.
Mirrored from xiane dot org.