No fancy title, just a follow up from yesterday
I posted this on the thread for the link to yesterday’s post over on my Facebook wall, but I wanted to share it here, for everyone who has commented or has been reading along, or who has a friend with Depression, or has struggled about what to say about their Depression.
It takes a lot of guts to talk about this stuff, and to open myself up in this way. I really appreciate the supportive comments.
I know I’m better off than a lot of people. That doesn’t fix clinical depression; it doesn’t work that way. I wish it did, I really really do. I’m acutely aware of how good I have it in so many ways, and I have tons of guilt for feeling like this despite that, which just feeds back into the loop. I wish it was as easy as just weighing my life against what it could be. I’ve struggled with this on and off my whole life, and there’s no easy fix. I’ve done tons of home remedies, some SSRIs, therapy, meditation, diet changes, exercise, you name it - I’ve tried it. What I need most is time and patience, neither of which are the “quick-fix” that we’d all love to see.
I know that a lot of people have never experienced clinical depression [and I am SO GLAD!] so this is pretty foreign to them. And it’s in our nature to try and fix things for those we care about. I appreciate that so very much. But please trust that I’m a life-long sufferer of these imbalances. have taken all the steps possible to try and work with my issues, and I’m only sharing this to help people understand why I might be distant or less “up” - not to garner sympathy or talk about how horrible my life is or to look for people to build me up. That’s my job.
I HATE feeling this way. I hate how it effects my business, my relationships. my health, my life. Confessing all this is SO HARD.
People think I have my shit so together. I do in a lot of ways, but it’s important for me to admit that this is a part of my life, and it’s okay. It’s part of my chemistry, I’ll probably always have to watch for these times. I’ve made it this far, I don’t plan to go anywhere, but I do like my friends to know what I’m going through. It helps us all. And I love you guys and want you to know that if I’m quiet for a bit or seem off, it’s me - not you.
Sometimes it is INCREDIBLY hard to respond to the things that people say to me when they’re being supportive. They don’t know what to say, so they look for the best thing possible to tell me, in their eyes. I’ve just put them in a rotten place - what’s the right way to support me? What’s the most helpful, kind, loving thing they can respond with? Unfortunately, that sometimes means advice, or things that are meant to be inspirational… which don’t really encompass what goes on for someone with clinical Depression. I know that it’s a product of “I have NO idea what to say or do” so I don’t take offense, though I must confess that sometimes it really is hard to not get frustrated. I’m being honest, because I want to be helpful with what I share! There’s some really good lists of totally unhelpful things that people have said to those with Depression out there - but my point isn’t to say “don’t do this” but rather to assure you that I DO hear what you’re saying under the advice and the struggling to say the “right” thing - please trust that what I need most of all is your love. Don’t feel that you have to fix this. You can’t. I wish you could. I really really do. But that’s not how this story goes. It goes so much better knowing that you are all on my side, though. That’s the best medicine that I’ve found.
Mirrored from xiane dot org.