I’ll try to remember what you look like sitting there

[xiane]

I really should update more often.

To know who I am now, I often look to the past to show me where I’ve been, and how I got from there to here. It’s not to dwell [well, not necessarily - though I admit that sometimes I get "stuck" in memories, because they're pleasant or interesting] but rather to take perspective.

It’s a good think to take stock like this, at least for me, I think. I used to blog all the time, digging around in my head and sharing it online… maybe that’s self-obsessed, I don’t know. I find it better for me to be honest if I’m throwing it out into the Internets - people to hold me accountable or something. Not like you’d know if I was lying, so I guess that’s all in my head, too.

Heh. So basically this blogging gig is a giant mindfuck for me, on me.



planet, schmanet, Janet!

It’s getting late, I have a lot going on in my head… and though 4am doesn’t quite hold all my secrets anymore, I still have this need to share. The girl I am now is built on the ones who came before and still live in this body. And if you know me, you know that this results in a weird and interesting mixed up jumble of old and new music, bad jokes and puns, geekery, poetry and short stories, crazy tales about what I’ve experienced, a big dose of kindness, and a layer of wool and sparkle. I still get sad, and I still deal with that, but overall I’m happier every day. And I’m itching to get out there and experience even more life; as much as I love my job, I do think that I need to replenish my stores of amazing experiences, so that I can put that back into my creativity. One gets stale without new beauty and sense to take in.

We’re separate bodies.
We’ll never understand what the other one needs.
It’s just like breathing.
It’s just like breathing water.
Sit there with your clothes off while I look at you.
We’ll never change.
The world’s getting smaller with every second we breathe.
When it’s inside you, you’ve changed

I found some old photos of me last week. Wanna see a couple? I’ve changed a lot in those ways, too.


This one Kristy took when we went to Drop Dead in NYC, 2003.
Even more goth-eek. The UVa graveyard. I think I have a leaf in my hair. :D
So very purple.

I’m not that girl anymore. I’m this one. But those women are in here, too.
When it’s inside you, you’ve changed.

Click to view

Mirrored from xiane dot org.