phosphorian

[xiahzart]

title: phosphorian
pairings: 2min
rating: R
7264 words.
serious!fic, luciverse; minho never loses. taemin loves a challenge.
is that a shinee fic I see here? D: plz don't kill me. more yoosu after this.





underneath all the layers of glitter and clothes that are wrapped around him like a second skin made out of cellophane; right under his skin, that is where taemin knows he is on fire like the burning rays of the sun. yet he is but an instant picture in time, every now and then far too bright for the human container that represents him. smoldering are the trails left in the wake of his step sounding like was it really and oh my god wherever he goes.

even when all the doors and windows are shut in the house, taemin holds a pillow to his chest to protect him from the cold. secretly he likes singeing off invisible threads with the energy that courses through him. it becomes hot when it is an echo of a thought he sends through his veins to re-enter his brain at a more suitable time. it is the way he deals with the fire.

it calls to him ever so softly when he is asleep, like it nudges his arm or leg and tells him that it is time to shine, time to be bright. sometimes it envelops him, resounding all the good things over the bad. these are his good days, which he has as many as little of. he knows it is all about balance.

so on sundays he listens to jonghyung being in love, jinki reciting a magazine article and kibum making arrangements for dinner. he watches some tv, laughs at a joke or two and tries not to be too much of a bother. the more he helps around the house, the more he feels like fleeing it. he has to concentrate not to lose his temper.

it is an unspoken agreement between him keeping his mouth shut and people losing their balance. he maintains it diligently, but his attention is still easily drawn. smiling is always simple.

minho is a little different in his eyes with the way his skin is sun-kissed and how it stretches over his athletic calves. he is tall and well-mannered, something which kibum shows too little of. overall he tells better stories than jonghyun and appears wiser than jinki. he is much more of a someone than any of them, in retrospect.

not to say taemin does not love them all the same - they are all important to him in one way or another. he tries to look at all of them separately before adding them to the whole.

yet there is something about minho that feels like a challenge. perhaps it has to do with the other man’s inability to stand losing in any way. talking with minho feels like playing with a stopwatch; words need to come fast because he never knows when the other might make him stop. minho tunes in and out of conversation, sometimes with big gestures and other times serious or headstrong. any time is enough to make taemin want to lose it for him.

“hyung, sit down,” taemin suggests, taking his legs off the couch to make room for the other man. he did dance earlier that day, but minho has been far more active than him. he grants the other the space, regardless of the warning signs.

he still looks slightly out of breath, but minho otherwise appears healthy. the man is so full of spirit. taemin wonders about it sometimes and where it originates from, but he is not in a place where he can ask. “excited?” minho asks.

taemin wants to laugh. he is so excited his feet start to itch the second he thinks of standing on the stage again. it is such a convenient matter that his profession allows him to get rid of some of the energy that is inside of him. the attention fires him up enough to surpass his limit and let it all go - he wants to try harder. he glows when he answers; “of course! hyung, are you not excited?”

taemin’s eyes twinkle. they always seem to do so. there is something like a star inside of him, spinning so fast it shines through wherever he watches.

“of course I am, it’s going to be amazing,” minho is certain of his words, something taemin finds admirable of the other man. minho knows what to do in any situation only by choosing the correct words to support his true thoughts. when interviews go really fast he does not always do so well.

“tired?” taemin decides to ask after a while of silently watching tv. their conversations are more or less based on guesses and confirmations. there is no real question.

minho stretches his legs out in front of him and raises his arms above his head to do the same, lengthening his spine to release some tension. “extremely. the recording had too many breaks, I kept on having to do warm-ups.”

whenever minho returns from recording dream team, taemin can guess what has been on his mind. today minho must have watched his physical condition closely with their comeback in thought. it sounds difficult when minho explains what they had to do today.

somewhere along the conversation there will be this melting point. taemin jokingly compares it to rubbing two sticks together; at some point the friction will be too much to bear and fire will burst out from the energy-laden core. with people there is no difference; souls are introduced to one another and will at some moments give in to the magnetizing pull of energetic flow.

tempering his spirit, taemin curls his legs up on the couch once more, toes and feet pressing to the side of minho’s thigh and hip. it is no uncommon thing between two, yet taemin knows he is slightly leaning over the border of their age gap.

minho's thigh twitches, but immediately gets used to the presence of the other’s feet. taemin smiles winningly, grinning all the way as he turns his head again to watch tv.

sometimes it does not stop there. sometimes the pull is too strong and their identities slip. though he is young, he is experienced with this power and feels it rise whenever minho is around. he does not want to miss a step when showing the other just how fast his feet can be. taemin never falters when it comes to dancing.

“you’re exceeding us too much at once,” minho all but complains, looking so happy for him it immediately burns the awakening edges of his soul. it is much like love, already.

“hyung is just too tense,” he laughs the compliment off, but he thanks the man with a nod and finds them both a bottle of water to drink.

when kibum is practicing again and jonghyun is taking a rest with jinki outside, taemin presses the cool plastic of his water bottle to his wrist. he needs to calm down his blood flow some when minho is watching him so intensely. he picks the chance to talk more.

“hey, don’t you have a schedule tomorrow, too?” he wonders out loud, watching minho flex the muscles in his arms. he has been going to the gym lately. combined with their daily dance practice and his athletic workouts at dream team, minho rather seems to be the one exceeding them. fortunately, jonghyun seems interested in this particular challenge.

taemin just focuses on the way minho slips that arm around his shoulders and squeezes. “nothing I can’t handle,” the older man answers with a laugh. it sounds genuine.

it is afterwards, when they have changed back into their normal clothes (which are not at all as comforting taemin wants them to be) when they find themselves too weary to stay in control. the burning energy has been released and all that is left is this smoldering desire to once more level up to that height and further even, somewhere taemin’s mind does not quite reach yet.

he leans against minho shamelessly, head propped up on the man’s shoulder and one arm sprawled across the other’s chest. minho is still watching tv, or reading a book - taemin can only tell that the other is focused by his steady and slow way of breathing. with every exhalation he can feel minho’s chest rise and the pressure builds.

the urges extend through his fingertips, longing to scorch through annoying fabric that separate them from the original source of the energy - warm skin, like his is. in his thoughts he pushes his hand through the shirt, fans his fingers out over the other’s heart and leans his palm on where the other’s veins pulsate. reality begs to differ.

minho's breathing pattern is disturbed. perhaps it is the slight curl of taemin’s hand or the way he rubs his face against his shoulder, but something happens to him. the cough he shakes his spine and awareness with vibrates through taemin’s touch and he lifts his head off minho’s shoulder to look at him.

usually there is nothing to fear. fears are only meant to keep you down, to keep you distracted from the real possibility of life. that is what taemin believes, yet upon looking at minho’s face he is not as sure anymore. there is something akin to aggression there, but it is not the destructive kind. it is the kind that expresses something deeper and hotter, something dangerously powerful. taemin finds the challenge with his fear; he needs to access that simmering.

defeat is not found today. minho is many steps away from actually faltering, not ready to buckle under this strangely deforming brotherly affection. he does not allow the possibility of taemin being anything other than his younger friend, albeit talented and determined in his steps. taemin lacks yet the confidence to show him just how exactly he can breathe the life right out of him.

so he says; “were you sleepy?” with a pleasant smile.

taemin's eyes catch the shadow crossing the other’s irises. “were you reading?” he retorts, his eyebrow almost twitching under the hidden challenge in those words.

minho's accident does not go down so well with the group. after filming their music video, there are only a few days left leading up to their official comeback and on one of those days, nobody believes it to be intentional, minho injures himself during his dream team recording.

taemin feels sorry for him on the way back from the hospital. they sit in a van which shakes miserably, the road definitely needing reconstruction. “it does not really hurt,” minho tries to say honestly, trying to believe in something because he never loses.

he has lost, though. it is easier to accept that defeat as a group until the man can acknowledge it himself, taemin thinks. he offers a helping hand to at least keep that charisma in flames; “once you’ve recovered fully, the fans will shout twice as hard hyung,” he says, grinning encouragingly. “once you’re on stage with us, we’ll show them more power.“ he looks at jinki for a moment to come up with more.

jinki mirrors his grin and raises a finger to empathize his words; “we must build up this concept gradually! you know it is a little crazy, people wouldn’t be able to handle us full force. thank you my friend, but let’s cope with this wisely.”

taemin meets the injured man’s eyes as if though underlining their leader’s words. he means to; he is not always in the position to give advice, but he does not want the man to rush his recovery. taemin is sure minho will be more energetic after going through this. after this, there is no fighting him.

he is two years away from being legal anything in korea. overseas he’s seventeen and it just does not feel right anymore. where all this power, all this invisible energy comes from he understands is not from being seventeen. maybe he is seventeen in his ability to express himself socially, but he takes his time to figure everything out, from a-to-z. he has even read the dictionary sometimes, curious to figure out all the words starting with ‘tae’.

so to say that taemin is completely oblivious to what he is doing would be wrong. he knows that people in general behave differently. he knows that caring for a person does not mean to hold that person, or to whisper to his ear. there is no need to touch someone to show you care - therein lies the danger.

for if caring for a person goes beyond those senses, surely something else is steering it. this is the type of thing taemin feels rushing through him at the sound of a good beat, a strong melody to dance to or when he figures out a particularly clever dance move. this is what has him walking on air and broadening his mind; the lesser complications between it, the easier it comes to him.

he needs it to expand his soul. it is ultimately rather silly-sounding, but it cuts down to that. every man walking the earth wants to leave a memory; an imprint. the pictures are already there, but it depends on the individual what color they take. inside every living thing taemin sees the core. the essence of what makes everything everything, what makes them live. it is something which fills every gap and with some things, with some people it is stronger.

shinee is not an exception. it is not accidental and it is due to his own input that he gained access to this. the core of their group is like a dynamo, always spinning wildly out of control and somehow at the same time producing so much energy that even on silent days it feels like something has been accomplished. taemin wants to contribute as much as possible, but he knows it can’t be a sole participation.

It is more of a participation of souls, in his world. the way they grow together, the way they connect. all of them really, but the differences are astonishing. perhaps minho, with his slow singing voice and his awkwardly adult manners does not seem fit for the picture at first. in actuality the picture was first made of him.

minho knows his boundaries. he knows when to keep them, but he also knows when to expand them. he sets challenges for himself like a strategist; honest and open like a book, but not always in a language well-known. it takes patience to figure him out and he radiates that; patience. then through the seams bursts out this power; this power that beckons and shines, the essence of what minho entails. minho lives with a steady burn, resounding in the way his heart beats against his skin.

taemin needs to get in. he feels his blood boil whenever their hands brush, or when the man laughs only at him. the surges of the energy pull get too heavy to ignore. sometimes he stumbles and loses his words in the middle of a sentence. nervousness creeps into his system like an excuse to keep his mind intact. this cannot go on.

in the game he will not let minho win. if he is going down then that is going to be it; like the lucifer he will fall if it means accessing this power. even if this is but a prelude to something he is too young to face. he knows he has the strength to master anything, so it becomes merely another possibility to add to the list.

whatever it is, he is not going to lose.

“thank you,” minho says randomly (maybe not so, but taemin’s mind has been elsewhere).

“what for, hyung?” tilting his head some, taemin watches the other man pace around the kitchen with his crutch. he is recovering, but slowly.

minho is making a sandwich, but he has two plates. taemin smiles knowingly at the gesture, rather hungry after recording at the radio studio.

“you said on the show today that you guys haven’t had the chance to tell me it’s alright, about the injury. you have all actually already told me… you did not tell me you were worried about me, but I sensed that.” minho puts a plate down in front of taemin. “so thank you for worrying about me.”

the way minho treats him, the way he addresses him, it feels just the way it should feel. there is nothing out of the ordinary with minho making his younger friend something to eat to show gratitude for his kind words. it is a give-and-receive kind of thing. taemin acknowledges it but sees the boundaries far too well.

he decides to shake at the fence some. “you always say such wise things,” his expression is genuine, for only honesty resounds with true energy. “I hope to one day be able to master such manners hyung has,” he adds.

minho rubs the back of his neck, seemingly embarrassed with the compliment in this situation. he is used to taemin being honest and at the same time he does not know where to look. it would be wise for him to just see taemin the same as always, but his eyes keep his stare longer. soon enough there will be no use anymore to look at taemin as someone younger; he already uses his own wisdom to bring things around. the boy is becoming admirable.

“it’s okay taemin-ah, just eat.”

the first performance is amazing. taemin feels it resonate in his chest minutes after they have left the stage. the rehearsals have been alright, but the actual live performance has his entire body empowered. like static, it moves from place to place, bouncing off the walls of their dressing room, moving through the other members every now and then but shocking like electricity down his spine. he tries breathing slowly.

right before the second performance he runs into minho in the hallway. the other has his recording separately and they have some minutes to spare. minho is trying to stay steady wih one arm supporting his weight on a crutch.

“hyung I’m going to the stage soon,” taemin announces, his smile wide and his body moving up and down as he marches slightly on the spot to warm up his legs. “I want to watch your performance too,” he adds, looking down at the crutch. “does it hurt?”

minho shakes his head. “don’t be late. I’ll be watching, too.”

taemin looks around. “in the audience?” he wonders, looking back at minho with his eyes investigative. he wants to see the change in the other’s face.

“the side,” minho corrects, mindful of the several fans already in their seats. open rehearsals can be as much fun as pressuring. “don’t make people wait.”

“okay, hurry!” taemin replies, sprinting off towards the stage after pointing over at the door which leads to the side of where the audience sits. minho would have been rushing past him now in any other case.

keeping still, taemin stays up at night. he sits in their manager’s room to reflect upon things. he also just sits there to wait for the others to be asleep - he wants to wander around the apartment when everything is dark and peaceful, it helps him to stay focused.

but minho hardly sleeps these days. his recovery itches, as does his patience; taemin knows the man is frustrated by holding back. it must be terrible to have all this energy and then see your friends spending theirs on the stage. minho uses the night to get rid of some of it, if only by moving from one room to the other to do nothing of further value at all.

if minho is looking for ways to shake off his energy, taemin is the exact thing he has been looking for. once he has found the younger singer in the living area, he hesitates not; “not sleeping?”

taemin has been standing in front of the window where the blinds are still open. he did hear minho enter the room, so he is not completely surprised. “not ready.”

he has confessed something and now minho must budge. the man is behind him in an instant, sudden warm arms coming round taemin’s waist. as minho spreads his fingers over the rise of his hips, taemin silently releases a sigh.

during the day it becomes difficult to handle; he wants to pull at minho’s arm and drag him onto the stage, feel what they can erupt with their combined strength. yet he needs to hold back for the sake of preserving it until he is ready - until minho is recovered. it is a bad time to be handed something.

“what is on your mind?” minho asks without sounding too curious. it is more the helpful kind of tone, the kind that taemin can trust not to laugh. he is quite sure that whatever is on his mind is not bound to make the other laugh in the first place.

he recollects. “everything. I want everything. we can reach everything.”

maybe minho takes it as a personal attack, but he is smart enough to ignore that for now. he does not think taemin to call him out on anything, it is merely an interpretation. he contemplates before he answers, leaning his chin on the other’s shoulder. “too eager.”

that is not what he meant. “no, not now,” taemin assures, “not now. we need to improve. we are all still everywhere and we need to level up. but I was just thinking,” he pauses for a moment, moving his hands to cover minho’s. “we can reach everything. I can already feel that much.”

minho wants to say taemin is eager again, but in retrospect the younger one is just being positive. so positive that believing in it has convinced him of actually making it happen. it emits from his limbs trembling under pressure. it makes the boy explosively nervous all the time.

instead he says; “just wait a little longer,” with his lips pressed against the shell of his ear. taemin can feel the adrenaline rush through him and his skin sucks greedily at the oxygen warm and moist. it is over in a heartbeat.

he understands now that it is not a challenge anymore; it has turned into a two-way game in which minho has chosen to participate. the man knows what playing with fire is like. taemin can see it every time he looks him in the eyes. he can feel it when minho is closer to him than usual, his breath ghosting over him. he understands the urgency with which minho’s energy pushes, but he understands their position and responsibility.

he lets it fuel him for a while; watching minho break a sweat under a stage light, rubbing his shoulders when he takes a break - nothing has changed drastically, except that it feels as if though it has. there is a different kind of gravitation involved.

“noodle, noodle, chicken noodle soup.” jinki sings loudly as kibum stirs through a pot of spicy dinner. the house is alive with warmth and comfort, a day of summer which taemin cannot resist.

jonghyun talks to him about the goldfish he saw on tv and how they really do not remember much but still recognize people´s faces. the conversation is a little one-sided but pleasant nonetheless. he just nods his head and adds a really? whenever he has the chance to. jonghyun always seems pleased with him nowadays.
when they have dinner, minho looks at him. taemin ignores it at first, sliding some noodles down his throat before something nudges his ankle. he looks up and finds minho staring at him. blinking twice, taemin cleans his mouth and returns the look expectantly. minho shakes his head and continues eating.

a war is being prepared.

they are both out of breath the next time, the chorus of lucifer still on their lips. there is electricity backstage. in their hurry to get back home it does not lie down. it was there when taemin had his make-up removed, it is there when he is trying to take off his shoes to allow his body a well-deserved rest; it stops him from ever taking that rest, for his body is jittery and does not want to sit down.

frustrated, taemin walks out onto the balcony connected to their manager’s room. he has ignored minho full-stop since before, during and after the recording, but he has been ignoring the other members as well so it is not to come off as too suspicious. he wonders if he intended to be suspicious about things today.

everything has gone well so far. every time he feels the change, he pushes it back with the emotions connected to minho’s suffering. perhaps it is meant to be this way; his patience will definitely allow him to see things coming. he will not let this energy go to waste.

it could be more unromantic. there could have been no feelings at all. yet, taemin is still learning and prone to all the little silly things that make him human. he is not uncaring towards his hyung in any means; there is only the elevation. he genuinely admires minho’s personality, his courage and his wisdom. he feels a deep respect for the man’s silence, his own seemingly endless as the group’s youngest.

no, it really has to do with love. he wants it to fill the core from which he is burning, to change the restrictions he has been tricked into.

though taemin is patient, it is not necessarily all in his control. he too is moved by certain comments or gestures. not that minho always intends to do so, but sometimes it feels as if though the older man is completely aware of the situation. there is no need to be holding hands on the airport, no need for that arm around his shoulders when there is plenty of room, no need to repeat his words with feigned interest to share screen time...

minho still gives. taemin feels the danger of it. he sees the other swallow down words in favor of setting his eyes on him. tv shows mean as much as they do not; the people you meet there, however, are not suppose to take your place. minho is the favored dongsaeng and taemin wants to know if all of these people see the same thing in minho as he does.

“narsha-nuna said something really funny, sorry,” minho is still laughing as he enters their dressing room, finally ready to take off his make-up. taemin hears it all, but pays no attention. they have the second half of the show to record later, so getting distracted at this point would be no good.

but minho has the heart to announce that he is going over to donghae and all the other hyungs, so taemin decides to take the bait. “but hyung, you only just got back. we have to talk a little before manager gets here with the food. you could go and see them after that?”

he manages it perfectly. no part of what he said comes off as an actual attempt to tell minho off for not spending time with them - it is initially what he meant, also. he wants minho around longer, so he comes up with a reasonable suggestion. minho has nothing to hold against him; he bats with his eyelashes.

minho visibly hesitates. taemin feels the vibration of it across the room, looking up at the man in the mirror as the stylist ties his hair up for him. “I ordered double boxes of chicken for you too. you must be hungry, hyung.”

now he has him. minho smiles and easily gives in to pay attention to his own dongsaeng. after all, he should have been given enough examples.

he sits at the table with taemin, the room large and people walking in and out to get food or eat it at a table together. their manager has allowed them to eat their lunch elsewhere and taemin knows he needs a safe place. with people around, he will not necessarily have to look at the other the entire time. they can also sit in silence and just eat.

“taemin-ah,” minho questions after a while, leaning over the small plastic table just a little. “after you’re finished we’ll still have some time. let’s go to see the hyungs together.”

it is a trap. taemin is sure of it. it will be nothing but minho boasting about how wonderful he is so he will praise him in return and frankly, compliments are the last things taemin needs right now. he will never be able to get his energy under control before the recordings start again.

the hallways are narrow, endless and all the same. taemin nearly bumps into two staff members as they maneuver their way around. eventually he cannot stand chasing after the other anymore and stops walking. minho halts a few steps later, immediately aware.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry hyung,” he says the words with a deflated voice, feeling sorry for minho, but never for himself. it is a choice he makes consciously, but he is still sorry for any harm on minho’s behalf because of it. it is not cowardice, but he fears minho to think it is anyway.

“what is wrong?” minho wants to know with that steady voice of his, approaching him fast and trying to look him in the eye. he is always worried at first, wanting and needing to be able to help.

“no,”taemin shakes his head, feeling his nerves curling up. he is not afraid, but it costs tremendous energy to keep safe. “nothing’s wrong. I just don’t think it’s a good idea anymore. I would probably ruin something or embarrass you. I’m too young, I have too many hyungs already. I don’t really care either way. not that I don’t think the other hyungs aren’t cool, but-“

“it’s okay.”

taemin swallows. adrenaline rushes through his veins as the nervousness ebbs away again. he has serious trouble phrasing the ideas that shape in his head. he blinks at minho.

“it’s okay. I understand that,” minho seeks out his eyes again and taemin tries his best not to look away or too deep. he breathes slowly to keep his thoughts under control, especially when minho does not smile. he simply stares.

it pulls at him with too much strength. taemin launches himself forward and gives the other man a spontaneous hug. “you need to get better soon. you also need rest, hyung,” because he worries that if minho does not take it easy, he might not recover as soon. they both know he has to recover soon, if only for the man’s own sanity to stay intact.

“I will, don’t worry so much,” minho takes a second longer to answer than usual, probably taken aback by taemin’s sudden approach. he never ever resists it though, his arms coming round the other’s waist and holding him closely. like always; taemin knows it is getting dangerous.

“okay, I won’t,” he promises, voice lifting again. moving out of the hug, he catches minho’s expression and sees his lips rubbing together to match his frown. automatically his hand moved up to rub his fingers over the other’s jaw, his own mouth stretching in a huge grin.

“you’re planning to kill me,” minho guesses, sighing as he takes taemin’s hand off his face and links their fingers together. swinging their arms from side to side next to their bodies, taemin tilts his head.

“kill you? but I’ll die by your side. I am not suicidal, hyung.”

but he plots to kill parts of him. parts of minho that are just not as important; the things that more or less just get in the way. he needs the man to match his pace, not to break him down. it is supposed to be a match, not catch. luckily they are both not sure anymore who is on the losing end.

it takes another week, but then minho is walking better. he stands up straight to get things off the top of the fridge again, so it is not as serious as before. on most mornings, taemin is already up watching tv and waiting for kibum to come in and then help him make breakfast, but it is minho who is up as second today, careful footsteps padding through the kitchen.

“you can walk!” taemin says cheerfully as he leans in the open doorway. he would get closer and help the other with the plates, but he keeps his distance. “doesn’t it really hurt still?”

minho looks over his shoulder at the other, his eyes a little sleepy but his smile undeniably there. “it’s fine. I’m still careful.”

taemin takes that as an excuse to come in and help the other after all. he takes out the plates and some bowls as well, offering to prepare the rice. as he neatly measures off the amount to put into the cooker, minho starts frying some eggs.

ten minutes later it is still only the two of them, but they are hungry and choose to have breakfast first. taemin sighs when they finally sit down and stare at the product of their labor. it is as warm and inviting as the sun now peeking through the kitchen window, weak rays of light falling through the high panes of glass.
“kangin hyung is doing well in the army,” minho comments, their easy small talk coming at a slow pace. “changmin hyung said he wants to go in a year or so.”

thoughtfully taemin chews on his rice, mixing more kimchi with it before he speaks up. “are you thinking about leaving, hyung?” he wants to know, eyes moving up to the other’s face. he eats some more when the answer does not come directly, but keeps his gaze on the other.

“maybe it is good to go at a young age,” minho muses out loud, momentarily forgetting about his food. “but recently I have also been wondering why we have to go.”

taemin puts down his chopsticks and folds his hands under his chin. they have long lost traditional table manners between them, luckily. “are you doubting your love for our country?” he says it with a breathless laugh following. minho amuses him endlessly.

“nobody really gets any happier. it puts you in a better shape though, so maybe in that sense I understand it is a good mental and physical challenge. but when I have to leave, I feel like I’d be missing out on too much to actually face the challenge. I’d worry about not being able to return. It’s complicated, really.”

and a lot to digest at breakfast. taemin still laughs about it. “you’re not going now. first you have to make other decisions. first you have to dance with us,” he reminds him.

minho dances. it goes awkward at first, but he picks up rather fast. taemin spends extra time going over his own steps to be able to help it out later on. he knows minho will want to practice more than is scheduled for him. taemin knows he is the only one out of the members who could teach him as well as their dance instructor.

it starts with a pulsating tremor, a digital sound penetrating the wooden floors and the mirrors on the walls. lucifer is on repeat and taemin loosens up his muscles some, stretches out the strains to make his blood flow. once he is warmed up, he stays warm without much effort. the fire is awake.

minho gets the same part wrong three times in a row. taemin can feel his attention slip. it is hard to stay focused when minho is asking him to keep going, even if he can sense the man’s body giving up. the dance is too much to handle for the other and taemin has to remind himself of this, too.

“s-stop,” he stammers, placing a hand on minho’s chest before he can start the music once more. “I need to breathe,” he reminds him. minho’s eyes immediately soften; taemin is visibly tired, but it is not because he has been dancing. he wants to make something clear.

“you are never going to succeed if you keep on making the same mistake. don't keep pushing one subject, nothing ever works like that. you’re creating a blockage for yourself if you keep doing this,” he adds, definitely out of place. he feels his cheeks warm up after the strength of his words resounds in his head.

minho’s mouth is hanging open, but he quickly recovers from it and stares at taemin interestedly. “then why are you helping me?” he wonders, rather than choosing to call taemin out on his words.

this surprises the younger singer for a moment, but he does not back away. “because I care?” he suggests, a peak of emotion suddenly reaching through. “anything I do, ultimately…” he trails off, suddenly realizing that there is one big problem about this game.

minho never loses. In retrospect he is planning out the other’s life and how it overlaps with his, more than he is actually figuring out his own. in the end, he is still doing this all with one thing in mind and it is not about what he gains anymore. it is about how much he is willing to lose.

“taemin-ah,” minho starts, but taemin shakes his head and places his hands firmly on the other’s upper arms.
“no, hyung, listen,” he is serious this time. “I do care. I care. it is not about the performance, or about your recovery. it’s not about dancing- okay? it's about us finding that balance where we are all healthy and all doing well. we all have our individual things through which we have to make sacrifices. I need to do something about my singing too…” he pauses and breathes, almost laughing at minho’s confused face.

“what I’m saying is that, I care because I know. and because I think you should allow me to say some things, sometimes, when I mean them in your benefit,” he concludes and feels more relaxed after letting that out. sometimes just thoughts do not fit in his head anymore and with situations like these calling for it, he had been expecting this to happen.

outside a wind blows, making the windows rattle. in these surroundings taemin looks far more mature than he should, far more in his element than allowed possible at his age. minho refuses to believe the other is some kind of miracle child, but there is a heavy attraction he shares only with the other which sometimes surfaces when he is alone at night, or watching the others on the stage.

that taemin is beautiful has everything and nothing to do with it. it is a universal understanding, so nobody will be able to resist and also, minho has learned to look at people’s souls instead. he cannot judge merely on appearance, but in some cases he learns to judge through his heart only. that taemin is seventeen and that he is a male both did not come to mind until much later, when he figured out it was already too late.

one of them has to do it. taemin is not sure whether he will be able to do it on his own, so he hopes the other understands. when minho looks him in the eyes he slips his hands higher up the other’s arms until he can wrap his own around the man’s neck. it happens then.

there is no telling of who is first, but they both are not aware of it until their mouths are already pressed together. taemin’s eyes widen at the sudden feeling, the warmth streaming out of the other running a shiver down his spine. it does not pass unnoticed; minho’s hand is in his neck and urges it on, after there is no excusing it anymore.

they kiss too slowly. they are too comfortable. there are a million things taemin is thinking right now and nothing seems important. nothing feels like this, nothing is as consuming. their mouths open up to one another and the soft touch becomes a curious desire, melting under their tongues. taemin does not know how to stop, so he gives up.

they rush too far in, unstoppable. taemin pushes his hands up under minho´s shirt and runs his fingers down his spine, fans them out over minho´s shoulder blades and all the while pulls himself closer to the other´s body. minho is slower, but bites down on the other´s lip softly. the sudden thought of teeth help minho create some distance between them.

“wrong place,” minho says, not quite looking at taemin.

taemin reaches out and makes the other look up at him, not giving him the excuse of words to take distance from his actions. “you can’t run,” he says determinedly. “we’re in the same group and your leg hurts when you run.”

“I never expected there to be lots of running,” minho confesses, not trying to turn his back on the situation. he can treat taemin as an adult if the other can act like one.

“eventually there is no more running,” taemin ends the conversation with a warning quote that he says far too happily. either way it gets the message across.

they do not wait long. taemin is still sure he can keep his mouth about things, even when he will become of age. they try not to, but the burning is just too overwhelming to extinguish. they share a hotel room in singapore, the other three do not hear anything.

the world starts spinning in front of his eyes when minho collapses on top of him, out of breath and sweaty. the sheets that are curled around them are damp and stick to their skin. of all responses, taemin starts laughing and closes his eyes.

“I get it now, I do-“

minho lifts his head off the other’s chest and looks at him, eyes still unfocused.

“that this is what life is about,” he tries to explain, but minho will interpret it differently. it is okay, it does not matter for now.

later, they end up staring at the ceiling and minho says; “there is infinitely more to life,” with a silent chuckle. he grows more mature by the second, twisting in ways taemin is unfamiliar with.

“there is more than this, taemin-ah. what did you think? why would something come into existence only for so shortly, while everything around it is infinite? we calculate galaxies over millions of years, light traveling to us all the way from stars that have already died - nothing really just vanishes. nothing really goes… anywhere, I suppose.”

taemin listens to the other man talk with his head resting on the other’s abdomen, the rise and fall of minho’s breath and the warmth of his naked skin easing his soul. he wants to know more, that is all he knows. stripping away all other emotions, the only thing that lasts forever without question is curiosity. he says this like; “it explodes,” because it feels like that, somewhat. “and then it falls back into place.”

minho does not say anything. he allows taemin to steal all the warmth his body holds, but feels the other radiating with the same strength. it is not a part of love - love is a part of it. in reality, fire never really dies.

yes, I should probably stay away from this fandom.