(no subject)
I've honestly have got to change my layout soon. My LJ is getting so ugly that I think I'm becoming delirious by it. Or maybe I'm just naturally delusional. Boy, do I love that word. Right now I feel like a fucking confused piece of crap, and shit is not something I need right now. School just shoved shit in my face. Usually, I'd be too lazy to change the layout but I've really got to change it soon, or else my head is going to explode. I'll be trying to work on some stories, and definitely will try posting them soon; despite my unwillingness and shyness. It is going to be a blast and no one will criticize me. Hopefully. Since I am not too good on yaoi, I'll be putting that aside for now, though I am planning a Yoosu story as of now. Since I just LOVE the Suyin/Jaeyin/JaeSuYin couplings, I am probably going to use them, along with a few minor characters. I've tried writing drabbles, and one-shots already, so I'll be trying my hand out on a short story. We'll see how it goes. I'm usually not so clear on things, so don't expect much. Now back to my layout complaint. I want a layout that is not so happy, and not so colorful; dreary, like how I'm feeling right now. Using a fucking happy layout won't improve my fucking crappy mood. Since the world's a mess anyways, why not make my layout be a stupid mess of nothingness as well? The world isn't a bright, happy place. It's a dog eat dog world, and no one will survive without doing at least one devillish betrayal.
As cruel as that sounds, it is the way the world works. No one can ever stop the flow of madness. And evil in our hearts, evil in our souls, how could it be helped? We are all only human. Perhaps my mind has gone bazook, and I ought to stop my fingers from prodding on the keyboard like a mad lady, but it's really always the way I see the world. I always get carried away so easily. Now back to my layout rant. I want a layout with a font I'm fond of, and with the tags on the right lined up in alphabetical order with commas separating them. This row of tags is getting too long and nasty, I want it cut. Maybe I should try on a simply layout, with two or three colors. Or perhaps I should try making one, despite my narrow knowledge of Photoshop, which, by the way, I don't appear to have. Sadly enough. Life just wouldn't spare me a breath. You see, that's why my stories are always cowering under the confines of Microsoft Word. I can't make a poster for myself, or even a character chart. It amazes me greatly to know how my sister could do such a good job of creating posters for herself despite her also not having PS. And she says she has no talents. People these days never see the abilities they possess. They would catch a glimpse of it, and let it pass by them as if they'd never seen it. I'd always wondered how shallow a human's mind can get. Everyone only seeks for pity, especially pity for themselves, and yet they say they want no such pity. The human mind surely works in devious ways.
I've also got to be adding more icons soon; the icons I have right now does not go along with what I'm feeling. Maybe a few darker colors would be nice. Or maybe some Junsu cuteness might brighten my mood. Maybe. We'll see. And I think I want a layout with a banner. Or maybe not. Recently, I've felt so stupid and out of the sorts; as if I didn't belong anywhere. I probably don't. You would probably be asking, "Why are you thinking such dreary thoughts at your age? Isn't your age the time to be enjoying yourself and being free and happy?" Well I'm sorry, I'm not happy for myself. I am not a happy person, and I'm afraid I won't ever be. My feelings has always been this way. Some call it freaky, some call it pessimistic, some call it stupid. But I call it being me. Simply because it wouldn't help thinking happy and optimistic thoughts when life doesn't work that way. It's either you win or you lose; there's no backing out. Unless of course you choose to end your life. However, I do believe wholeheartedly there is always a solution to anything, the only way you won't be able to continue is if you're dead; that's how I feel. That is probably the most happiest thing I know in my existence as a human being. It's just simply this: you call it mad, I call it humane. It is only human to believe, and hope, and want. But I give up. I don't give a bull any more. In every human there is a certain fear for death, no matter what they say, but I think everyone is merely afraid of how they die. Death is not a painful thing, only the process of death.
Like of poison; if you die of poison, you will die a slow and painful death. There are so many ways to make a death painful. No matter what people say, I think dying in your sleep is extremely sad. You were just alive a while ago, laughing and wondering about the world, and suddenly, it's darkness. You're dead. I, personally, would like to die a quick, painless death, but it is impossible no? Now that I've bored you to death of my thoughts and feelings, it would not be long before I stop this entry. Expect a change of layout soon, however long "soon" may be. Let's just say, later, just in case you blame me for it. Oh and, I've been in love with the song Bolero for a while. Now that school has started, I think LJ is my best friend now.
As cruel as that sounds, it is the way the world works. No one can ever stop the flow of madness. And evil in our hearts, evil in our souls, how could it be helped? We are all only human. Perhaps my mind has gone bazook, and I ought to stop my fingers from prodding on the keyboard like a mad lady, but it's really always the way I see the world. I always get carried away so easily. Now back to my layout rant. I want a layout with a font I'm fond of, and with the tags on the right lined up in alphabetical order with commas separating them. This row of tags is getting too long and nasty, I want it cut. Maybe I should try on a simply layout, with two or three colors. Or perhaps I should try making one, despite my narrow knowledge of Photoshop, which, by the way, I don't appear to have. Sadly enough. Life just wouldn't spare me a breath. You see, that's why my stories are always cowering under the confines of Microsoft Word. I can't make a poster for myself, or even a character chart. It amazes me greatly to know how my sister could do such a good job of creating posters for herself despite her also not having PS. And she says she has no talents. People these days never see the abilities they possess. They would catch a glimpse of it, and let it pass by them as if they'd never seen it. I'd always wondered how shallow a human's mind can get. Everyone only seeks for pity, especially pity for themselves, and yet they say they want no such pity. The human mind surely works in devious ways.
I've also got to be adding more icons soon; the icons I have right now does not go along with what I'm feeling. Maybe a few darker colors would be nice. Or maybe some Junsu cuteness might brighten my mood. Maybe. We'll see. And I think I want a layout with a banner. Or maybe not. Recently, I've felt so stupid and out of the sorts; as if I didn't belong anywhere. I probably don't. You would probably be asking, "Why are you thinking such dreary thoughts at your age? Isn't your age the time to be enjoying yourself and being free and happy?" Well I'm sorry, I'm not happy for myself. I am not a happy person, and I'm afraid I won't ever be. My feelings has always been this way. Some call it freaky, some call it pessimistic, some call it stupid. But I call it being me. Simply because it wouldn't help thinking happy and optimistic thoughts when life doesn't work that way. It's either you win or you lose; there's no backing out. Unless of course you choose to end your life. However, I do believe wholeheartedly there is always a solution to anything, the only way you won't be able to continue is if you're dead; that's how I feel. That is probably the most happiest thing I know in my existence as a human being. It's just simply this: you call it mad, I call it humane. It is only human to believe, and hope, and want. But I give up. I don't give a bull any more. In every human there is a certain fear for death, no matter what they say, but I think everyone is merely afraid of how they die. Death is not a painful thing, only the process of death.
Like of poison; if you die of poison, you will die a slow and painful death. There are so many ways to make a death painful. No matter what people say, I think dying in your sleep is extremely sad. You were just alive a while ago, laughing and wondering about the world, and suddenly, it's darkness. You're dead. I, personally, would like to die a quick, painless death, but it is impossible no? Now that I've bored you to death of my thoughts and feelings, it would not be long before I stop this entry. Expect a change of layout soon, however long "soon" may be. Let's just say, later, just in case you blame me for it. Oh and, I've been in love with the song Bolero for a while. Now that school has started, I think LJ is my best friend now.