Lawsuit
I am here writing this entry because I have just come to realize that writing out my emotions actually make me feel better.
I actually wasn't feeling very well yesterday, or even right now, it's fucking 8:30 am and I still have yet to have a decent wink of sleep, because I had found out something very earth-shattering and tremendously painful. It was like opening an old scar, something I knew had always been there but I have always been trying to avoid, like the plague. I'm actually not sure to make of it, whether I should be mad at the person who wrote it or just let it go and forgive, as I have tried to make myself do. I kept telling myself that my revenge to that person (who is someone very dear to me, as a matter of fact) is to keep on fighting and prove to them that I am not the kind of person they described me as, but it's really getting hard. Last night I kept on praying for Yunho to give me some of his kindness, some of his forgiving nature, because it just seem like I just can't be that way. But I have decided to not bring it up, so as not to place that person in an awkward position, and plus, I don't think I was supposed to find out anyways. I will continue going on with my life as if nothing has happened, but that doesn't mean that I will ever forget it. I may forgive them, because I really just can't stop myself from doing so, but I will not forget it.
As for my emotions right now...I am quite tired, and rather depressed as well. The DBSK lawsuit does not looking like it's going well, and really, they are the only people who will be able to save me from falling into depression as I have almost fallen prey to so many times before, so it is really taxing to me. I can't stop worrying about them, I check on them five, six times a day, or more, and I can't seem to stop the bad feeling I have about it. I worry for them, the emotional pain it will cause them all, and everything they will have to go through when something terrible does come out of this lawsuit, and...I can't stop feeling sad at what they have to go through to get their freedom.
Yoochun's note on his cyworld is not brightening my mood either. He wrote two simple words: "byebye", in black lettering with the photo taken in black and white, and that is scaring me. I...wonder what's wrong? People on soompi keep on saying that he is just saying goodbye to 2009 and greeting 2010, but why do I have a hard time believing that? I'm sorry for sounding like a pessisimist right now, but I really can't get the feeling that he is hinting at something else altogether...like maybe...their relationship. This is making me scared, and now I really don't think I will be able to sleep today, just like the other days. Yoochun is scaring me, and I don't know what to make of him any more. All this pain...sometimes I wonder if they do regret it.
From the looks of it, I feel like Jaejoong really regret doing this whole lawsuit in the first place, since he seem to be the one having the hardest time with this whole fiasco. The others, they are a bit stronger, though Yoochun not by much, so they are able to handle it, and they have one another, Yoochunn having Junsu and Yunho having Changmin, but Jaejoong...who is there for him? He must be so tired, so pained, so sad right now...I am really feeling worried for him. It's not helping that it seems that his health is slowly deteriorating either. To me, it seems like Jaejoong is the one that is going to break right now, he doesn't have anyone. I...am genuinely concerned for him. Hell, he's not even my favorite, and I can still sense the pain in himm and feel the emotional stress he must be going through right now...I wonder how he is doing right now.
And then with the news that Changmin's health is deteriorating too...him being too skinny, practically to the point of underweight, is not doing the situation any better. They are being put through such emotional and physical stress...why is fate so cruel to the both of them? They are the ones who make me believe in forever, and now...everything seems to be falling apart. Sometimes, it feels to me as if they have such a strong bond that even the heavens and the gods are jealous of, and that's why they're throwing in all these complications in order to make it harder for them to be together. I just hope that they will be able to fight through this battle, maybe one of the toughest battles they will ever be faced with. I just want them all to be happy, to be able to chase their dreams, together, as five, was that too much to ask? Am I being selfish if I say that I truly want them to be happy, as five?
I actually wasn't feeling very well yesterday, or even right now, it's fucking 8:30 am and I still have yet to have a decent wink of sleep, because I had found out something very earth-shattering and tremendously painful. It was like opening an old scar, something I knew had always been there but I have always been trying to avoid, like the plague. I'm actually not sure to make of it, whether I should be mad at the person who wrote it or just let it go and forgive, as I have tried to make myself do. I kept telling myself that my revenge to that person (who is someone very dear to me, as a matter of fact) is to keep on fighting and prove to them that I am not the kind of person they described me as, but it's really getting hard. Last night I kept on praying for Yunho to give me some of his kindness, some of his forgiving nature, because it just seem like I just can't be that way. But I have decided to not bring it up, so as not to place that person in an awkward position, and plus, I don't think I was supposed to find out anyways. I will continue going on with my life as if nothing has happened, but that doesn't mean that I will ever forget it. I may forgive them, because I really just can't stop myself from doing so, but I will not forget it.
As for my emotions right now...I am quite tired, and rather depressed as well. The DBSK lawsuit does not looking like it's going well, and really, they are the only people who will be able to save me from falling into depression as I have almost fallen prey to so many times before, so it is really taxing to me. I can't stop worrying about them, I check on them five, six times a day, or more, and I can't seem to stop the bad feeling I have about it. I worry for them, the emotional pain it will cause them all, and everything they will have to go through when something terrible does come out of this lawsuit, and...I can't stop feeling sad at what they have to go through to get their freedom.
Yoochun's note on his cyworld is not brightening my mood either. He wrote two simple words: "byebye", in black lettering with the photo taken in black and white, and that is scaring me. I...wonder what's wrong? People on soompi keep on saying that he is just saying goodbye to 2009 and greeting 2010, but why do I have a hard time believing that? I'm sorry for sounding like a pessisimist right now, but I really can't get the feeling that he is hinting at something else altogether...like maybe...their relationship. This is making me scared, and now I really don't think I will be able to sleep today, just like the other days. Yoochun is scaring me, and I don't know what to make of him any more. All this pain...sometimes I wonder if they do regret it.
From the looks of it, I feel like Jaejoong really regret doing this whole lawsuit in the first place, since he seem to be the one having the hardest time with this whole fiasco. The others, they are a bit stronger, though Yoochun not by much, so they are able to handle it, and they have one another, Yoochunn having Junsu and Yunho having Changmin, but Jaejoong...who is there for him? He must be so tired, so pained, so sad right now...I am really feeling worried for him. It's not helping that it seems that his health is slowly deteriorating either. To me, it seems like Jaejoong is the one that is going to break right now, he doesn't have anyone. I...am genuinely concerned for him. Hell, he's not even my favorite, and I can still sense the pain in himm and feel the emotional stress he must be going through right now...I wonder how he is doing right now.
And then with the news that Changmin's health is deteriorating too...him being too skinny, practically to the point of underweight, is not doing the situation any better. They are being put through such emotional and physical stress...why is fate so cruel to the both of them? They are the ones who make me believe in forever, and now...everything seems to be falling apart. Sometimes, it feels to me as if they have such a strong bond that even the heavens and the gods are jealous of, and that's why they're throwing in all these complications in order to make it harder for them to be together. I just hope that they will be able to fight through this battle, maybe one of the toughest battles they will ever be faced with. I just want them all to be happy, to be able to chase their dreams, together, as five, was that too much to ask? Am I being selfish if I say that I truly want them to be happy, as five?