nothing at all, really.
some real life rambling?
so idk. just some random babble spewing forth, like always.
i'm kinda frustrated with a lot of things at the moment. myself a lot, for a lot of reasons. one being that i'm starting to second guess my future. elementary education sounds nice and practical, but is it what i want for life? i want something international. some sort of asian studies. but there's no way in hell i can tell my mother that.
to her, korea itself is a phase. something that i'll 'grow out of' and that really irks me. just today i let her read half of a yoosu that i've been working really hard on. "i don't understand who these people are. why don't you ever give your characters american names?" am i wrong for getting frustrated? i don't understand what's so hard about it. come out of your box and learn that there's more to life than fucking america. ugh.
"what's the point if you can't understand the words?" what the hell. seriously. why do the words matter? why do we need them? if words were all that music was based on, there wouldn't be any such thing as classical. it wouldn't even be music. it amazes me sometimes how i can think so differently from them.
i think most of my bitterness comes from the fact that i feel like nothing matters. if i try hard, it doesn't matter. if i'm stressed, it doesn't matter. look mom, i wrote a story, wanna read it? it doesn't matter. and that bothers me because i'm a selfish person. a clingy person who craves attention and acceptance in every form and i know that. so why is it so hard for her to tell me good job every once in a while?
maybe i'm just having a moodswing. hopefully. sleep deprivation can do things to you.
mr. blacketer said something to me today. "you're gonna die. in fact, your body already knows when. you don't want to think about it, but you have to."
it's true, really. and another. i can't remember the exact words on the first part. something like this. "life is pretty goddamn fragile. there's a lot to be trivial about."
a guy in a semi ran over a motorcyclist two days ago in my town. just completely ran over him and killed him. what a way to lose a son. a friend. and life is so strange, when you think about it.
i try not to think about it too much. that never ends up well.
i need a class to fill a hole in my schedule next semester. i'm thinking of taking creative writing again. or anthropology. i wish i could take international relations, but it's only offered first semester. maybe i'll talk to some teachers and see what i can do.
i don't know why i try to rationalize things so much. or why i sit and think about things like this and realize that sometimes it's all kind of pointless.
you can disregard everything in this post if you want. maybe i'm just being grumpy.
i really want it to be saturday.
so idk. just some random babble spewing forth, like always.
i'm kinda frustrated with a lot of things at the moment. myself a lot, for a lot of reasons. one being that i'm starting to second guess my future. elementary education sounds nice and practical, but is it what i want for life? i want something international. some sort of asian studies. but there's no way in hell i can tell my mother that.
to her, korea itself is a phase. something that i'll 'grow out of' and that really irks me. just today i let her read half of a yoosu that i've been working really hard on. "i don't understand who these people are. why don't you ever give your characters american names?" am i wrong for getting frustrated? i don't understand what's so hard about it. come out of your box and learn that there's more to life than fucking america. ugh.
"what's the point if you can't understand the words?" what the hell. seriously. why do the words matter? why do we need them? if words were all that music was based on, there wouldn't be any such thing as classical. it wouldn't even be music. it amazes me sometimes how i can think so differently from them.
i think most of my bitterness comes from the fact that i feel like nothing matters. if i try hard, it doesn't matter. if i'm stressed, it doesn't matter. look mom, i wrote a story, wanna read it? it doesn't matter. and that bothers me because i'm a selfish person. a clingy person who craves attention and acceptance in every form and i know that. so why is it so hard for her to tell me good job every once in a while?
maybe i'm just having a moodswing. hopefully. sleep deprivation can do things to you.
mr. blacketer said something to me today. "you're gonna die. in fact, your body already knows when. you don't want to think about it, but you have to."
it's true, really. and another. i can't remember the exact words on the first part. something like this. "life is pretty goddamn fragile. there's a lot to be trivial about."
a guy in a semi ran over a motorcyclist two days ago in my town. just completely ran over him and killed him. what a way to lose a son. a friend. and life is so strange, when you think about it.
i try not to think about it too much. that never ends up well.
i need a class to fill a hole in my schedule next semester. i'm thinking of taking creative writing again. or anthropology. i wish i could take international relations, but it's only offered first semester. maybe i'll talk to some teachers and see what i can do.
i don't know why i try to rationalize things so much. or why i sit and think about things like this and realize that sometimes it's all kind of pointless.
you can disregard everything in this post if you want. maybe i'm just being grumpy.
i really want it to be saturday.