Random/Old JinMin
Title: Distance
Author: junsubabyx3
Pairing: JinMin!
Genre: ... angst?
Rating: PG
Summary: Flash, all the way in Korea , which shouldn't have seemed like such an impossible distance. But it was … and that was the cold reality of the situation. Any distance that meant no contact, playing phone tag and corresponding through emails and text messages … anything like that was impossible, and it was starting to become ridiculous.
A/N: Mmkay, so. This is just some random JinMin that I found on my school file during my last class today, and I decided that I wanted to post it. It's not too long and I really like it, and I want to post more JinMin so it isn't so .. weird? to anyone else whenever I or anoukinparis write something with them in it. I just wish there was a community I could put it in ...?
It had always been at least somewhat of a rush. Being onstage, performing in front of thousands and thousands of screaming fans. He loved to feel that rush, loved the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the way that it felt even as the sweat rolled off of his body, even as his lungs felt as though they were going to burst, even though he knew that his muscles were going to hurt so badly in the morning he probably wouldn't be able to move. He loved it, it was what he lived for. And yet, now, those feelings only left him feeling alone, and aching for something else that should have been there all along.
He couldn't deny the fact that his emotions had changed. He was maturing, growing older of course, and there really wasn't anything that could be done about the fact. But it wasn't just that … it was Flash, the one thing that his mind couldn't seem to get away from, the name that echoed endlessly in his heart and clawed into him over and over again, never allowing the wound to heal before ripping it open once more. Flash, all the way in Korea , which shouldn't have seemed like such an impossible distance. But it was … and that was the cold reality of the situation. Any distance that meant no contact, playing phone tag and corresponding through emails and text messages … anything like that was impossible, and it was starting to become ridiculous.
He tried to ignore it, but it was impossible not to see. Even the other four had picked up on the changes in their youngest, though they tried not to do anything to press it forward. They couldn't know that every little secret affection, every whisper into one another's ear and stolen kiss when they thought nobody was looking were the main contributors to his damage. He didn't want to find himself growing bitter or jealous … He didn't want to have to feel this way, act this way, be this way …
Of course, his career was important. It was, perhaps, one of the most important things in his entire life. But he was starting to have slight contradictions, conflicting himself every now and then, unsure of what to do whenever he felt as though he was sinking so low he would surely hit rock bottom. And it just seemed so simple for the others, it seemed as though they had everything right here, right with them at all times, and he supposed that it couldn't be helped then, these feelings of bitterness. After all, they traveled as a group, worked as a group, lived as a group. He doubted that any of them really knew what it was like to be in a situation such as his own, being away from the one person you want to be with more than anything sometimes for months at a time, not knowing when or even if you'll have the privilege of hearing their voice before the darkness closes in around you.
That wasn't to say that they hadn't tried, of course. Whenever he would get too worked up, too frustrated during rehearsals and need to take a break, they would usually send someone out after him. The first few times it had been JaeJoong, who had always been good at getting through the rough exterior, extracting whatever problem it was that Changmin was going through and trying the best that he could to soothe the pain.
It was starting to make him crazy.
He couldn't explain, even to himself, the reasons why he was having such a hard time. Perhaps it was the sole reason that this was the first really long absence he was forced to take from Flash, the first time they had been shipped off for another tour while he had to leave his boyfriend back in Korea for what already felt like forever. It wasn't pleasant. It had been difficult enough, trying to figure out times to see each other what with the fact that their schedules seemed destined to be on a constant conflict, Flash almost always having exams whenever Changmin was awarded with a day off. Of course, there were a few exceptions, a cancelled interview or a photo shoot that ended early freeing up an afternoon here and there for them to spend just being together.
And he found himself missing that more than anything that he could have ever imagined. He missed being able to hear Flash's laugh, missed the bedroom that he had once accused of being much too boring. He missed hearing the cheerful ring of Li's voice, the squeals of excitement whenever he came through the door and even the demands for attention or fashion advice from the lively seven year old.
But, even more than that, he missed the quiet moments that he and Flash shared. He missed those times whenever he would purposely lose track of time and have to wait for the first bus in the morning, where the darkness would fall and the only source of light would be the moon peeking in through the window, casting shadows across the room and flickers of something if you moved the right way. He missed being able to feel Flash so close to him, breathing in everything about him with every second, feeling so warm and content and completely relaxed. He missed the way Flash would smile at him, the way those blue eyes would sparkle and shine with more emotion than he ever could've imagined someone holding for him and him alone.
He missed everything, anything, whatever he could possibly think of to miss, it was all there. And yet he still felt as if though that was only the tip of the iceburg, the very start to all of the feelings that refused to back down. There was so much, so many complex thoughts all pushed and pulled together into one awful, sticky whirlwind of emotions, and the only thing he could think of calling it was love.
And then, when the room was dark and everything had settled except for the raging storm in his mind, he couldn’t bring himself to wonder about anything that even remotely dealt with the upcoming performances. No, he found his mind more often wondering to the very object of his affections, but it wasn’t just that. It was that and so much more … That was when the questions started.
Was Flash awake right now? Was he studying, was he too absorbed in his work for anything else? Did he have a test coming up? Was he doing alright? What was he thinking about? Was it possible, could he be lying awake as well, wondering the same things, making the same almost impossible wishes, hoping just to close the distance between them somehow? Was it possible? Did Flash ache for him the same way, did he long for that presence, did he want to just be together, did he need to relieve the pressure that made Changmin feel as though he was suffocating over and over again? … Did Flash love him?
There was no way to know, no way to be sure… Especially not now, not with this distance pressing down on them, around them ... And yet, there was something. Something that manifested itself in the form of a low buzzing on the nightstand next to the makeshift bed he was using. Reaching over, flipping open his phone and trying not to squint too much into the too bright light … it was something. Just a text message, a simple two words, but sometimes, a good night that he knew had come directly from the on person who he had given his heart to was all that he needed to make it through the night.
Author: junsubabyx3
Pairing: JinMin!
Genre: ... angst?
Rating: PG
Summary: Flash, all the way in Korea , which shouldn't have seemed like such an impossible distance. But it was … and that was the cold reality of the situation. Any distance that meant no contact, playing phone tag and corresponding through emails and text messages … anything like that was impossible, and it was starting to become ridiculous.
A/N: Mmkay, so. This is just some random JinMin that I found on my school file during my last class today, and I decided that I wanted to post it. It's not too long and I really like it, and I want to post more JinMin so it isn't so .. weird? to anyone else whenever I or anoukinparis write something with them in it. I just wish there was a community I could put it in ...?
It had always been at least somewhat of a rush. Being onstage, performing in front of thousands and thousands of screaming fans. He loved to feel that rush, loved the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the way that it felt even as the sweat rolled off of his body, even as his lungs felt as though they were going to burst, even though he knew that his muscles were going to hurt so badly in the morning he probably wouldn't be able to move. He loved it, it was what he lived for. And yet, now, those feelings only left him feeling alone, and aching for something else that should have been there all along.
He couldn't deny the fact that his emotions had changed. He was maturing, growing older of course, and there really wasn't anything that could be done about the fact. But it wasn't just that … it was Flash, the one thing that his mind couldn't seem to get away from, the name that echoed endlessly in his heart and clawed into him over and over again, never allowing the wound to heal before ripping it open once more. Flash, all the way in Korea , which shouldn't have seemed like such an impossible distance. But it was … and that was the cold reality of the situation. Any distance that meant no contact, playing phone tag and corresponding through emails and text messages … anything like that was impossible, and it was starting to become ridiculous.
He tried to ignore it, but it was impossible not to see. Even the other four had picked up on the changes in their youngest, though they tried not to do anything to press it forward. They couldn't know that every little secret affection, every whisper into one another's ear and stolen kiss when they thought nobody was looking were the main contributors to his damage. He didn't want to find himself growing bitter or jealous … He didn't want to have to feel this way, act this way, be this way …
Of course, his career was important. It was, perhaps, one of the most important things in his entire life. But he was starting to have slight contradictions, conflicting himself every now and then, unsure of what to do whenever he felt as though he was sinking so low he would surely hit rock bottom. And it just seemed so simple for the others, it seemed as though they had everything right here, right with them at all times, and he supposed that it couldn't be helped then, these feelings of bitterness. After all, they traveled as a group, worked as a group, lived as a group. He doubted that any of them really knew what it was like to be in a situation such as his own, being away from the one person you want to be with more than anything sometimes for months at a time, not knowing when or even if you'll have the privilege of hearing their voice before the darkness closes in around you.
That wasn't to say that they hadn't tried, of course. Whenever he would get too worked up, too frustrated during rehearsals and need to take a break, they would usually send someone out after him. The first few times it had been JaeJoong, who had always been good at getting through the rough exterior, extracting whatever problem it was that Changmin was going through and trying the best that he could to soothe the pain.
It was starting to make him crazy.
He couldn't explain, even to himself, the reasons why he was having such a hard time. Perhaps it was the sole reason that this was the first really long absence he was forced to take from Flash, the first time they had been shipped off for another tour while he had to leave his boyfriend back in Korea for what already felt like forever. It wasn't pleasant. It had been difficult enough, trying to figure out times to see each other what with the fact that their schedules seemed destined to be on a constant conflict, Flash almost always having exams whenever Changmin was awarded with a day off. Of course, there were a few exceptions, a cancelled interview or a photo shoot that ended early freeing up an afternoon here and there for them to spend just being together.
And he found himself missing that more than anything that he could have ever imagined. He missed being able to hear Flash's laugh, missed the bedroom that he had once accused of being much too boring. He missed hearing the cheerful ring of Li's voice, the squeals of excitement whenever he came through the door and even the demands for attention or fashion advice from the lively seven year old.
But, even more than that, he missed the quiet moments that he and Flash shared. He missed those times whenever he would purposely lose track of time and have to wait for the first bus in the morning, where the darkness would fall and the only source of light would be the moon peeking in through the window, casting shadows across the room and flickers of something if you moved the right way. He missed being able to feel Flash so close to him, breathing in everything about him with every second, feeling so warm and content and completely relaxed. He missed the way Flash would smile at him, the way those blue eyes would sparkle and shine with more emotion than he ever could've imagined someone holding for him and him alone.
He missed everything, anything, whatever he could possibly think of to miss, it was all there. And yet he still felt as if though that was only the tip of the iceburg, the very start to all of the feelings that refused to back down. There was so much, so many complex thoughts all pushed and pulled together into one awful, sticky whirlwind of emotions, and the only thing he could think of calling it was love.
And then, when the room was dark and everything had settled except for the raging storm in his mind, he couldn’t bring himself to wonder about anything that even remotely dealt with the upcoming performances. No, he found his mind more often wondering to the very object of his affections, but it wasn’t just that. It was that and so much more … That was when the questions started.
Was Flash awake right now? Was he studying, was he too absorbed in his work for anything else? Did he have a test coming up? Was he doing alright? What was he thinking about? Was it possible, could he be lying awake as well, wondering the same things, making the same almost impossible wishes, hoping just to close the distance between them somehow? Was it possible? Did Flash ache for him the same way, did he long for that presence, did he want to just be together, did he need to relieve the pressure that made Changmin feel as though he was suffocating over and over again? … Did Flash love him?
There was no way to know, no way to be sure… Especially not now, not with this distance pressing down on them, around them ... And yet, there was something. Something that manifested itself in the form of a low buzzing on the nightstand next to the makeshift bed he was using. Reaching over, flipping open his phone and trying not to squint too much into the too bright light … it was something. Just a text message, a simple two words, but sometimes, a good night that he knew had come directly from the on person who he had given his heart to was all that he needed to make it through the night.