nnngh.
i feel like i haven't posted in forever...
i'm having another one of those super shitty wtf is wrong with me moodswinging to hell and back kind of days. it's just weird, when so many things that have been building up in the back of your mind finally overwhelm you. it's like you don't know what to do. i guess i can usually deal, but it's making it hard to breathe.
it's always stupid things, too. stupid fears or concerns that seem to sneak up on me. fears like what if i don't pass chemistry, what if i don't graduate. what if i don't lose the weight that i'm trying to lose or what if my first year of college is a disaster. top that off with thinking about people, old friends, new friends. thinking about how easy it is to grow apart from people, how much it feels like some people are already starting to forget about me. the way that it feels when i watch my friends laughing and making plans right in front of me without a word in my direction ...
i don't know. maybe i'm hormonal today. maybe it's just that time of the month. but it's never good when thoughts like that start mingling with things like what if i had never broken up with him? what if i chose to actually see my dad once in a while? what if i decided to talk to my brother for once?
i kind of sort of really hate this. i don't know what my problem is, but i can't lie and say that some words of encouragement wouldn't be nice.
i'm having another one of those super shitty wtf is wrong with me moodswinging to hell and back kind of days. it's just weird, when so many things that have been building up in the back of your mind finally overwhelm you. it's like you don't know what to do. i guess i can usually deal, but it's making it hard to breathe.
it's always stupid things, too. stupid fears or concerns that seem to sneak up on me. fears like what if i don't pass chemistry, what if i don't graduate. what if i don't lose the weight that i'm trying to lose or what if my first year of college is a disaster. top that off with thinking about people, old friends, new friends. thinking about how easy it is to grow apart from people, how much it feels like some people are already starting to forget about me. the way that it feels when i watch my friends laughing and making plans right in front of me without a word in my direction ...
i don't know. maybe i'm hormonal today. maybe it's just that time of the month. but it's never good when thoughts like that start mingling with things like what if i had never broken up with him? what if i chose to actually see my dad once in a while? what if i decided to talk to my brother for once?
i kind of sort of really hate this. i don't know what my problem is, but i can't lie and say that some words of encouragement wouldn't be nice.