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{FANFICTION}
&&;; { Can I Love You? }
Featuring: DBSK
Title: Can I Love You?
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Pairing: JaeHo
Summary: When a confession takes a turn
Author's Note: This was inspired by a youtube JaeHo tribute that I watched. This story is dedicated to my Joongie Riku, since I owe her some fanfictions anyways. xD ♥ Enjoy~
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"Almost.. done" a gentle whisper worshipped the nearly blank letter that was just below his view. Large orbs of succession looked down at the lined paper with a warmness that swam around in the pits of his stomach. Just the letters that he inked had a different purpose for what he felt, what he saw, what he meant. Crumpled pale paper was in a small pile next to his desk, where incomplete and incompetent copies of the exact letter were stashed, feeling that they did not have the expectation to live up to the one person he hoped to give it to. Being it 2AM in the morning, the young adolescent boy felt no tire and infact, felt more excited then feeling the beats of "H.O.T" filling his body.
Jung Yunho had finally completed the perfect letter. He practiced the strokes perfectly, his inky korean symbols flowing in a delicate yet needy press that he found himself messing up with his own want. A small pink tongue poked out from the caverns of his wet mouth, gliding it selfishly down the bottom of his lip, tasting the dryness that was un-maintained for the longest time. It wasn't like it mattered at the moment however, he was filled with an exceptional bliss that he felt no one could take away.
With a turn of his head, the perfect lined teeth flashed a smile at the photo album that was beside him, the cover a plain turquoise colour with a simple verse of "Memories" tucked into the bottom corner of the booklet. Moving the large hand that he possessed over the smooth texture of the book, he felt a rush of happiness stream through him at his hard effort and work he put into delivering the right package. He was determined to choose just the right pictures, always focusing the lens of his over and over to get the perfect shot of the angelic onyx-hair beauty that bestowed upon him everyday in class. Yunho always made up excuses that he needed models for photography club, feeling the ego that his hyung possessed to get not only the most serious of shots, but the man that he knew underneath the cold metal frame.
The cute, loving, soft Kim Jaejoong that Yunho had always adored.. and always loved.
Standing up with confidence, he looked at the letter and gripped it tightly in his hand, watching his clock for a moment to mentally count down the hours until school had started. This was the first time he had felt so encouraged to go to school in awhile. If it wasn't for him, Yunho felt he would have already dropped out, become an entertainer on the streets that hopefully scored a couple of dollars to buy him a pack of gum. Shuddering at that picture, he shook his head, running some fingers through his spiky chestnut brown hair. No, he wasn't going to be that, he was going to be someone. He won't see laziness in himself anymore.
He only wanted to show him his all.
Tucking the letter into the treasured photo book, he swept his feet, maneuvering through the clothes on the floor he neglected to pack today due to the special present he wanted to present. Pressing his tushie onto the soft futon that comforted his weak body, he squiggled his body backwards, the loose white vest and baggy pants that was on his body seeking embracement from the little sheets he had. Covering himself up to his neck, his eyes watched the whiteness of his ceiling, different pictures of himself, his family and his friends posted for his viewing before he went to sleep. A smile lingered on his face at the one picture that was directly above him.
It was one taken not too long ago, Yunho could remember like it was just yesterday. On a jeans day that happened at their school, Yunho had seen the lenient body that his crush possessed. The belly piercing that poked out of his stomach every time he would raise his hands just a bit, the flash of silver blinding his eyes. Choosing that day to where low-riders, he could catch a glimpse of the blue Calvin Klein boxers that he wore, adoring the racking material that he only wanted to rip off. Cheeks turning pink at the thought, he registered his mind to a gentler thought. The picture included Jaejoong, Junsu, Changmin, Yoochun and himself, all posing in a silly matter. Jaejoong in the middle and Yunho beside him, his finger poking into his cheek to make the man smile right before the flash turned on. Yunho sighed at the sweet memory of the small delicate smiles he could get out of him, his eyes closing as his mind wandered about to other moments they shared. He loved them.
And He loved him.
---
He was nervous. He couldn't help it. Yunho stood at the back of the school field, holding tightly onto the book that was in his hands, scared that it would fly away from him if he happened as to just let one pinky slide off it. He had worked all week on the album and for the record, all year on the pictures. Butterflies fluttered around his stomach and he hissed slightly, looking downwards towards the toned stomach behind the uniform, trying to send it a mental message as to calm itself. Even though he knew himself was impossible. It was all supposed to fall into an accordingly confession. One of those confessions that you see in the korean dramas. Something unique, something out done and obviously original. A smile was on his face as he pictured his hyung's face glow with admiration when flipping through the pages. Just the thought of it got his knees buckling. It was only a matter of time.
Yunho casted his gazes around the empty field, watching the students near the school leaving towards the front and parking lot.
Just a matter of time.
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He was stood up. He couldn't believe it. He had spent at least an hour or so waiting.. waiting.. just waiting for his figure to show up on the field and allure his eyes to shed some light and hope into him. Disappointment rocked through his body as he let his footsteps press onto the hard cement, almost wanting to drive it right through into the earth. His face was solid with a sign of woe, and yet a worrisome look as to if he had gotten hurt or gotten sick. Maybe he had signed out? Yeah that's it, he had signed out. He mentioned feeling a bit woozy the other day, maybe he was coming down with that bug that was going around the school. Yunho let a little "aisshh" run past his lips. He told him to keep healthy and make sure to drink liquids but of course, the male didn't bother to listen. Although this frustrated Yunho at times, it was an attribute he loved about Jaejoong. His Jaejoong.
Climbing up the steps, he held onto the book. His mind was nearly convinced that he had just signed out of class. It had been convinced until he let his first step dropped onto the rooftop of the school, a place Yunho went to often when he felt not like facing the challenges of his household. What he saw next was something that made his world stop.
There on the rooftop was Jaejoong, holding flowers that he had given a girl. The girl Yunho could recall was in his 3rd period class. Silly, sophisticated and beautiful Bae Seul Gi. She was smiling brightly at the man before her and wrapped his arms around him as Jaejoong did to her as well. When they parted they stayed close, but Jaejoong couldn't help but have a bounce in his step.
"We'll be together now? I'm so happy I could just scream it to the world!"
"Ha ha! Save that for our date Joongie"
"Joongie.. I like that name. Did you think of that yourself?"
"Mm, I heard one of your friends call you it, I thought it was cute"
"Well from now on, I want you to call me that. No one else... only you"
"Joongie.."
He saw them lean in, he saw the lips connect. Yunho's heart stopped. His breathing stopped. His eyes stopped onto the two fleshes colliding into a sweet and delicate kiss. Yunho did the only thing that he could think of at the moment.
He turned, and ran.
His mind flashed with the different scenes of memories that they spent together. Lousy ones, happy ones, cheerful ones, teary ones. The night he slept over and they stayed up watching cheesy korean dramas. When he fell the wrong way and snapped his ankle, it was Yunho who carried him around, fetching his every need. How could he do this to him? He poured his heart and soul into the booklet, into the letter that he had cleverly slipped through his binder. He gave him everything he could in his state of mind, whether it was money, homework, his love.. everything.
On the dirt path of the school track, Yunho could feel his eyes blinding with the burning sensation of salty tears that had no remorse as to falling. The sunset sky showing over the man's features as he clumsily ran as hard as he could until his legs could carry him no longer, making him drop to his knees, the clean uniform pants quickly stained with the dirt that was collected onto the shins and kneecap. His face hit the ground with a nerve-wracking thud and all he could do was stare at the small pebbles that seemed to be even more important than his existence. Trails of tears showered his cheeks, giving his complexion a soft and breakable look. Yunho's hands held the photo book to his chest, biting back the sobs that he felt was not enough to show his grieve. Clamping his fingers over the book his eyes heavy and watching the wind carry a small paper bag through the air. Lips parted as he choked on his saliva build up, hiccupping as the kiss ran through his mind every time that his eyes would dare to blink. At that split second, he remembered a conversation that happened between them, one that was burning into the back of his head.
---
"Ne... we're friends right?"
"Yeah"
"And we'll always be friends.. right?"
"Yeah, of course"
"Then.. can I love you?"
"... Huh?"
"... I mean, as a friend would of course"
"Oh! Of course! You'll always be my number one Yunnie"
".. Really?"
"Heh, would I lie to you?"
".. Hmmm... well.."
"YUNNIE!"
"Ah hah, I kid I kid, I trust you hyung. ... I really do"
"Aisshh, I love you man~"
"... Hah.. I love you too.. hyung"
---
Dulled eyes shut as he sucked in a breath, feeling as if his lungs had been set on fire. He had truly known the answer to this from the start. The use of trying to show him his feelings were trashed to the side by the boys neglect for seriousness. He always had loved him. Jaejoong let him love him. Yunho opened his eyes, realization dawning into his head. It wasn't that if he could love him was the problem.
It was if he could be loved by him.
Yunho's hand shadowed over his face, finally giving into the tears his heart wanted to cry.
"I guess.." he whispered, muffled by his hand. ".. I guess not.."
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R&&R Pwease :'3 ♥