Not such a good day.
Not only will I probably lose my job, but now I've lost everything that's mine. I know I fucked up, and damnit i deserve everything i got for this stupid set of decisions i've made. but all the money i've paid to have the car of my dreams will probably go down the drain.... i'm a fuck up who hides it. I wish i could talk to someone, but nobody seems to understand. No I'm def. taking responsibility for my actions, but i don't think one mistake... a really bad one, should affect me this much. Pretty much I've been exonerated from the house. I pretty much have nothing anymore. Once again, I'm not blaming my parents WHATSOEVER, and claim them as being so horrible, it's just that i honestly haven't had the most stable life, and i think it's now finally caught up with me. I've been going down the wrong path for almost a year now, and look where it got me. I'm so embarrassed, I've had to lie to cover it up. I want to see my therapist, but sure as hel can't pay for it. I talk to my parents, and just get a lecture, i talked to my friends, but i feel as though i'm talking to a brickwall or even worse... it's going in one ear and out the other. I've talked to teachers, and just get humliated. I know it's the point, but I am a reasonably good kid, and intend to stay that way. I'm supposse to work alot next week, but I doubt that happens. I hate myself so much for doing what I've done, and the only way I can justify it is... well i can;t. The only thing that really sucks, I know TONS of kids out there (including some close to me) who do much worse things than me, and end up not getting anything. For thoughs of you who do know what's going on, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your mouth shut for once and not talk about it to me OR ANYONE, becuase it's my problem, and I need to deal with it, my own way and in the time i see fit. I spiraled all the way down to this "low life" self, and all people seem to do is laugh and make fun of it, when it reality... nothing is funny about it. I've hurt so many people through this in numerous ways, not to mention myself and my character, I just hope to GOD i don't lose my job... or I can pretty much commit suicide right here and there because I'll be killed by my dad. I was told today to call off all of next week (6 days) so that I can really suffer the consequences, but i told him I'd walk to work or bum a ride before i did that. I hope to god someone can give me a ride to and from school, because if not I doubt I'll be able to go for a month... and god we all know what that will do. My life sucks right now, and i caused all of it, the lack of trust, the stupid decsions, and it was all in the name of fun. Well my funs over, and I thank god everyday i made those decisions so that i could have an ounce of fun... (sarcasim at it's finest). I'm going to bed so hopefully i don't bomb the SAT's tomorrow. Don't call (if you were planning on it, even still i doubt you care).