Abuse, Trauma, & Survivors
I know many of you reading this are "Survivors" of various traumas, catastrophes, tragedies, etc. I know I am. I'm going to talk about some very personal processes that I've undergone, and leave it in an unlocked post--because I think more people might find some inspiration in the Trail I've blazed for myself (maybe not). Feel free to link others here. I also know that an inordinate amount of Pagans are also "Abuse Survivors", and so this may well shape up into a bit more of the "Pagan Values Blogging Month."
This topic has come up a handful of times in the past few weeks in various places--specifically, how people who have been through Trauma come out on the other side. Put another way, "Why do some people who go through something in Life seem fine, whereas others develop 'issues'?" I think this is a very valid question. Having been through Traumas myself and gotten "issues" from those Traumas, I wanted to know how other people--who had been in much worse situations--came out the other side without nearly as many scars. Like so many others in Psychology, I went into the field mostly to fix myself, so that I could help others.
There are lots of different things that need addressing in any form of counseling or therapy, and my intention is not to cover them all, let alone the many ways you can tackle each of them (that would literally fill a library). However, I will share a few Keys I found. YMMV, of course:
First of all, Shamanism/Paganism should be about Healing. It is one of the constants in most all Religions, and Paganism is no different. Shamans--in particular--should be able to Heal others, which necessitates Healing Thyself to a certain level of proficiency. Yet I find far too many people who seem perpetually Ill--particularly Mentally. In any Magickal Practice, it is considered rather fundamental to success to be able to have a certain amount of control over the selves. Whilst Mastering the Selves is literally a life-long Journey, some of the first things focused on (and Intentsly Worked on until fixed) are those things which are most out-of-Balance. Things like unresolved Trauma issues were the first things I worked on.
One of the first things I did to help me with my "issues" was to "cancel my subscription." I stopped beLIEving the internal replays of "My Life's Most Traumatic Moments," which tend to play over and over and over and over and over in many Trauma Survivors' heads. Obviously the perpetrators of Trauma were wrong--etc. etc. etc.--but continuing to replay my internal video with me being cast in the "Helpless" Role only continued to re-in-force my Self-Image as being "Helpless."
The field of Chaos Magick has more than enough useful information on why and how to utilize Self-Identity to our advantage. I noticed how Identities such as "Martyr" tended to only put me into situations where I'd get sacrificed. When wearing my "Victim" role, I got victimized much more. Who woulda thunk? My Practices during 9/9/99 certainly broke me of my bad habits of Clinging to disemPowering Identities. It is the one thing I hate most about the field of Psych--the incessant Labeling of people. I've seen more people than I could count whose biggest obstacle to Recovery is the fact that they are Clinging (if only on an unconscious level) to their own Label/Self-Identity. Unfortunately, many times this is also when any Secondary Gains are re-in-forcing any Attachment to the Identity we are trying to get rid of.
Clinging to the situation only further emPowered its Dominance over me, my Energy, my Emotions, my Fears, and my Life, particularly as I let it play and replay in my head. A technique that is common to many Traditions and should be familiar to many is the simple exercise of Re-Programming the Meanings of the Memory (Meme-or-I?). Turn the "bad" into "good". I took my internal representations and hacked the Memory. Instead of seeing myself as displaying "Learned Helplessness," I was being taught the Lessons of Fortitude, being able to Survive, Patience, and Acceptance. I've learned many others since, including For-give-ness, but my point is that I took my Traumatic Memories and turned them into the Trials that they are. I've always thought my Life followed a rather Shamanic Path (or is it merely that I have viewed my Life through the Shamanic lens?). I've endured many Traumas of many kinds, and I've come through each a Stronger, more Resilient, more resourceful person. I like to think it makes me a "more fully human being."
One of the best ways I've found to deal with "issues" (aside from canceling my subscription) is to use the tremendous power of Laughter. Not a big surprise for those of you who have known me more than a few months, I'd guess. Laughter is a great way to Let Go of something that is really painful. I used it to detach my Emotional re-Actions that I didn't Desire. It releases the Emotional Energy, without continuing to Condition and Associate "this situation = these unDesired feelings and reActions". Laughter can truly Free us in many ways.
Acceptance is Key in many things, IMHO. This is a topic that needs little added to it (particularly in this field), except for the fact that I also Accepted my portion of the responsibility for the Trauma. This isn't about "blame" (which is only further focusing on "the past I don't want" rather than "the future I do want"), it's about the fact that there are certain things I could have done differently to lessen or reduce the chances or intensity of my own Trauma. This is about taking Responsibility for both my Actions during the Traumas, and my reActions to it afterward. Most importantly, I have taken the steps necessary to insure that the chances of a repeat are minimized, but without obsessing over the situation's avoidance, also. When I see people having the same Trauma enacted upon them time and again, I can't help but wonder, "When are you going to Learn that maybe there's something about you that's causing this Pattern to occur?"
Burn Victims get better. They Heal. Yes, it takes time. Often, it takes Help. I did the Self-Help route, because I didn't have the money for therapy. But I did have the Desire, Drive, & Determination to do whatever it took to be able to Move On from these situations. I did whatever it took to reclaim my Lost Power. Everything I learned I tried from things I'd read about or privately studied specifically to Improve My Selves. Most of it can be found in one form or another in some form of Religious Tradition or Counseling Treatment. Much of it was made up as I went, trying, Experimenting until I got the Desired Results.
This topic has come up a handful of times in the past few weeks in various places--specifically, how people who have been through Trauma come out on the other side. Put another way, "Why do some people who go through something in Life seem fine, whereas others develop 'issues'?" I think this is a very valid question. Having been through Traumas myself and gotten "issues" from those Traumas, I wanted to know how other people--who had been in much worse situations--came out the other side without nearly as many scars. Like so many others in Psychology, I went into the field mostly to fix myself, so that I could help others.
There are lots of different things that need addressing in any form of counseling or therapy, and my intention is not to cover them all, let alone the many ways you can tackle each of them (that would literally fill a library). However, I will share a few Keys I found. YMMV, of course:
First of all, Shamanism/Paganism should be about Healing. It is one of the constants in most all Religions, and Paganism is no different. Shamans--in particular--should be able to Heal others, which necessitates Healing Thyself to a certain level of proficiency. Yet I find far too many people who seem perpetually Ill--particularly Mentally. In any Magickal Practice, it is considered rather fundamental to success to be able to have a certain amount of control over the selves. Whilst Mastering the Selves is literally a life-long Journey, some of the first things focused on (and Intentsly Worked on until fixed) are those things which are most out-of-Balance. Things like unresolved Trauma issues were the first things I worked on.
One of the first things I did to help me with my "issues" was to "cancel my subscription." I stopped beLIEving the internal replays of "My Life's Most Traumatic Moments," which tend to play over and over and over and over and over in many Trauma Survivors' heads. Obviously the perpetrators of Trauma were wrong--etc. etc. etc.--but continuing to replay my internal video with me being cast in the "Helpless" Role only continued to re-in-force my Self-Image as being "Helpless."
The field of Chaos Magick has more than enough useful information on why and how to utilize Self-Identity to our advantage. I noticed how Identities such as "Martyr" tended to only put me into situations where I'd get sacrificed. When wearing my "Victim" role, I got victimized much more. Who woulda thunk? My Practices during 9/9/99 certainly broke me of my bad habits of Clinging to disemPowering Identities. It is the one thing I hate most about the field of Psych--the incessant Labeling of people. I've seen more people than I could count whose biggest obstacle to Recovery is the fact that they are Clinging (if only on an unconscious level) to their own Label/Self-Identity. Unfortunately, many times this is also when any Secondary Gains are re-in-forcing any Attachment to the Identity we are trying to get rid of.
Clinging to the situation only further emPowered its Dominance over me, my Energy, my Emotions, my Fears, and my Life, particularly as I let it play and replay in my head. A technique that is common to many Traditions and should be familiar to many is the simple exercise of Re-Programming the Meanings of the Memory (Meme-or-I?). Turn the "bad" into "good". I took my internal representations and hacked the Memory. Instead of seeing myself as displaying "Learned Helplessness," I was being taught the Lessons of Fortitude, being able to Survive, Patience, and Acceptance. I've learned many others since, including For-give-ness, but my point is that I took my Traumatic Memories and turned them into the Trials that they are. I've always thought my Life followed a rather Shamanic Path (or is it merely that I have viewed my Life through the Shamanic lens?). I've endured many Traumas of many kinds, and I've come through each a Stronger, more Resilient, more resourceful person. I like to think it makes me a "more fully human being."
One of the best ways I've found to deal with "issues" (aside from canceling my subscription) is to use the tremendous power of Laughter. Not a big surprise for those of you who have known me more than a few months, I'd guess. Laughter is a great way to Let Go of something that is really painful. I used it to detach my Emotional re-Actions that I didn't Desire. It releases the Emotional Energy, without continuing to Condition and Associate "this situation = these unDesired feelings and reActions". Laughter can truly Free us in many ways.
Acceptance is Key in many things, IMHO. This is a topic that needs little added to it (particularly in this field), except for the fact that I also Accepted my portion of the responsibility for the Trauma. This isn't about "blame" (which is only further focusing on "the past I don't want" rather than "the future I do want"), it's about the fact that there are certain things I could have done differently to lessen or reduce the chances or intensity of my own Trauma. This is about taking Responsibility for both my Actions during the Traumas, and my reActions to it afterward. Most importantly, I have taken the steps necessary to insure that the chances of a repeat are minimized, but without obsessing over the situation's avoidance, also. When I see people having the same Trauma enacted upon them time and again, I can't help but wonder, "When are you going to Learn that maybe there's something about you that's causing this Pattern to occur?"
Burn Victims get better. They Heal. Yes, it takes time. Often, it takes Help. I did the Self-Help route, because I didn't have the money for therapy. But I did have the Desire, Drive, & Determination to do whatever it took to be able to Move On from these situations. I did whatever it took to reclaim my Lost Power. Everything I learned I tried from things I'd read about or privately studied specifically to Improve My Selves. Most of it can be found in one form or another in some form of Religious Tradition or Counseling Treatment. Much of it was made up as I went, trying, Experimenting until I got the Desired Results.