Girlfriend Standards

[xi_o_teaz]

When it comes to potential girlfriends, I've long joked that I'm "shallow", but I've recently REALized what's really going on*. I will not settle for anything less than someone who Stimulates me on ALL levels, which in my Metaphysical Map means

Comments

[anthologie]

did I give a different impression?

You did, by saying a potential mate needed to fulfill all four of the categories in your initial post.

I'm often told that my Expectations are unrealistic, and this is something that is a constant struggle for me. I guess when I'm talking in the abstract "qualities I desire" vs. actually speaking about a particular individual, I can seem less realistic than I think my experience has shown me to be. I don't think I have any trouble with seeing people for who they are, though.

I think we may be talking about two slightly different things here. It's fine to know what qualities you'd want it a partner. Say, intelligence. But it's unrealistic to expect that person to use their intelligence to always help YOU out in a situation when maybe you're not being so smart. :P

Likewise, just because another person is good at dishing out compliments doesn't mean you should rely on them to constantly affirm your awesomeness. And so on. You can't even constantly expect a person to be smart or be kind. People are people. They mess up sometimes.

Call me "naive", but I'm not going to even try and meet someone who isn't "Attractive" to me, let alone pursue them in a dating manner.

Again, not what I'm saying. There's "I like this person and find them attractive" and "OMG I can't stop THINKING about them and being away from them is torture, etc. etc." Look at how they're pegging your chemistry-meter, and if it's too much like doing a drug, get away.

[xi_o_teaz]

You did, by saying a potential mate needed to fulfill all four of the categories in your initial post.

Ah, poor communication on my part, then. I really was going more for the "stimulate me", "complement me", "be in the same league", type of thing here.

I am VERY adamant about people fulfilling themselves. I think that expecting others to "complete them" is one of the unhealthiest (and all-too-common) Relationship mistakes people make. We are completely in agreement on the first 2/3s of that reply.

Again, not what I'm saying. There's "I like this person and find them attractive" and "OMG I can't stop THINKING about them and being away from them is torture, etc. etc." Look at how they're pegging your chemistry-meter, and if it's too much like doing a drug, get away.

And again, we agree. I must not be communicating (receiving or expressing) very well today, so I guess it's good that I'm putting off my writing for that Animism anthology ;-)

[anthologie]

I guess it's good that I'm putting off my writing for that Animism anthology ;-)

Erm, isn't that like saying, "Good thing I haven't spent the past year running -- that way I'll be all ready for that marathon tomorrow!" ??

[xi_o_teaz]

To an extent, I guess so. I'd just rather write when more "in my zone". Of course, this could lead to "well, the only way to better get into that writing zone and have better control of it is to Practice, Practice, Practice."

If I can get myself off of surfing Dancing Videos on youtube, I will give it a shot ;-)

*opens up essay file and starts typing*

[anthologie]

Let's put it this way:

I'm a news writer. I've been doing this for 10 years, and if I go more than a weekend without writing a news story, I get rusty, and it takes longer and my work requires more editing; the work physically takes longer for everyone involved in getting it onto the page.

I can go a touch longer with fiction or poetry, but more than a week or two and I'm really, really rusty there, too, because the news-writing skills and the fiction/poetry skills are separate sets of skills.

Others may have different experiences -- but most of the professional writers I know write very often, if not daily.

[xi_o_teaz]

Thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear (I've gotten really rusty since attending the University).

I'm in the process of finding my original content for my essay, so that I can refine & rewrite it even now.