(no subject)
so, my life is totally kicking my ass
and ive been really like disturbingly sick, like thinking really sick things. like ive been thinking about all these crazy things that would happen to me so that i could take a break from school. or that i would be able to just take a break from everything.
like maybe on the way home, i got into a car accident, and i was just able to relax for once. and not have to worry about everything and anything. which bones would i have to break, or how bad would i have to be hurt if i threw myself down the stairs. what other catastophies would have to happen? i dont want to have a relapse of high school and emergency shrink appointments. but i dont know what to do ... who knows man, im sick in the head.
ive been having all these dreams about getting raped and being scared to tell jon. and then when i do tell him, he gets mad at me, and bugs out crazy style. i dont know what it means. and i dont know if i want to find out.
i wish there was a book, that you could buy, that would solve all of life's problems for you, that would be wonderful.
so im a semester or 2 behind and i either have to take summer classes at New paltz, at home, or online. this throws up into the air the whole West Hills Day Camp thing, but allie did point out to me, that every single year that ive worked there, they figure out how to fuck me over one way or another. so should i not work there, and take classes? get another job? who knows. i wish someone had the answers
and i wish the advisors at New Paltz knew what the fuck they were doing.
so i have to wake up at 6:30 for work tomorrow, which totally sucks ass. and i have to figure out rooming. wtf man. i hate this shit,i just wanna have to not think so much and bug out for one day. it makes me so mad. but im going food shopping tomorrow with pammi. and maybe hitting up the tanning salon. who knows.
goodnight.
{i need an outlet}
and ive been really like disturbingly sick, like thinking really sick things. like ive been thinking about all these crazy things that would happen to me so that i could take a break from school. or that i would be able to just take a break from everything.
like maybe on the way home, i got into a car accident, and i was just able to relax for once. and not have to worry about everything and anything. which bones would i have to break, or how bad would i have to be hurt if i threw myself down the stairs. what other catastophies would have to happen? i dont want to have a relapse of high school and emergency shrink appointments. but i dont know what to do ... who knows man, im sick in the head.
ive been having all these dreams about getting raped and being scared to tell jon. and then when i do tell him, he gets mad at me, and bugs out crazy style. i dont know what it means. and i dont know if i want to find out.
i wish there was a book, that you could buy, that would solve all of life's problems for you, that would be wonderful.
so im a semester or 2 behind and i either have to take summer classes at New paltz, at home, or online. this throws up into the air the whole West Hills Day Camp thing, but allie did point out to me, that every single year that ive worked there, they figure out how to fuck me over one way or another. so should i not work there, and take classes? get another job? who knows. i wish someone had the answers
and i wish the advisors at New Paltz knew what the fuck they were doing.
so i have to wake up at 6:30 for work tomorrow, which totally sucks ass. and i have to figure out rooming. wtf man. i hate this shit,i just wanna have to not think so much and bug out for one day. it makes me so mad. but im going food shopping tomorrow with pammi. and maybe hitting up the tanning salon. who knows.
goodnight.
{i need an outlet}