Ah. Hello again, life.
I feel so pathetic lately. Really, I think I'm just lonely. Being single is fine, don't get me wrong. It's fun to have that freedom to look around and 'shop' for boys. But lately I think I've been wanting that special someone to hold. And that's not just it. I don't think I realized how much of a loser I am until I started making a habit of hanging out at Kroger when I'm not even working. I stand around, talk to people, and I can usually end up staying there for up to a few HOURS! It's really sad. I guess I'm THAT lonely. Either my friends are off to college away from where I can hang out with them on a weekly basis, or they are at work. I've tried hard to get Kroger people together after work so we can all hang out, but we always have conflicting schedules and busy lives. And usually...I'M the only one trying. That's saying something; it means no one else really cares. Which makes me sad, 'cause I love all of my Kroger friends and I wish I could see them more outside of work. But if they don't put in an effort, it's hard to get together.
With all of that being said...yes. I'm fucking lonely as hell. I come home from work and sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing. Yesterday, I watched all fourteen episodes of Spaced. Took me a good eight hours [probably more] but I spent the whole day doing it. Know why? Because I had nothing better to do. It's depressing; I'm not even kidding. After realizing how much of a lazy-ass I was AND how much of it I couldn't help...I just felt like shit. I STILL feel like shit. Like today...I got off of work at two. I went and grabbed Kristen and I Subway so I could have lunch with her in the break room. I talked with her until the end of her break...and ended up staying and talking to everyone for at least two more hours after that. If that's not lonely or desperately seeking something to do...then I don't know what is. It's so sad it's almost funny. Go ahead. Laugh. That's what everyone else does.
So. I think I'm finally losing interest in Gaia. No joke. I mean...I still love making characters and posting and stuff, but truthfully, I am tired of the people. No matter what rp I make or join, there is always someone that pisses me off or just can't write to the expectations I'm looking for. I know that may sound conceited...but after years of trying to do make good rps, it gets really exhausting. I just don't feel like gaia-ing as much as I do anymore. I mean...I'll stay on in the rps I am in at the moment. I wouldn't abandon people, even if I am not feeling up to posting. I'm not the type of person to do that. But you can bet your ass that I won't be making anymore rps or joining any. I am very wary of Gaia. Maybe this is temporary or maybe it's a new stage for me...either way I'll be focusing a lot more on my actual writing and on the movie script I started. At least that's something constructive. I must thank Gaia for helping me with my writing though. I have greatly improved since I started.
I really hope I'm not losing motivation again. It's the first step into depression, and I really don't want to feel like that again; it's not a good feeling, I'll tell you that much. And I have been SO close to hitting rock bottom and I don't want to go there. But I don't know what's going to happen at this point. Perhaps losing my interest in Gaia and talking more with people outside of the internet is a good thing. We'll see.
And don't worry, guys. I'm not to the lonely point where I would suddenly jump back into a relationship with David. That shit is over. O-V-E-R. As lonely as I feel, I really think I've been a LOT happier since I've split with him. It certainly has had my spirits up higher. Loneliness just comes with the territory. But I don't MISS him. Not at all, actually. We still talk, and have had a few lunches, even recently. But I honestly just call him or go out with him simply because I have nothing else to do. I get so bored and need someone to talk to, so I just call my ex and see how things are going. I'd call Allison, but I know that if she's not online she's either studying, asleep, or busy with Adam - if you know what I'm saying ;D - so I don't want to bother her. I know she wouldn't mind if I did, but that still doesn't mean I would do it. If I really need to talk to her, I know where to find her :P
But yeah. This is what's going on at the moment. Nothing to big; and everything else I just have to wait out. By the way. Drew is so adorable. I wish he was mine. But I shouldn't dwell on it. Fuck. My. Life. :P Can't wait until the last weekend in April. Epicness awaits.
I'm out.
.:~Dante~:.
With all of that being said...yes. I'm fucking lonely as hell. I come home from work and sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing. Yesterday, I watched all fourteen episodes of Spaced. Took me a good eight hours [probably more] but I spent the whole day doing it. Know why? Because I had nothing better to do. It's depressing; I'm not even kidding. After realizing how much of a lazy-ass I was AND how much of it I couldn't help...I just felt like shit. I STILL feel like shit. Like today...I got off of work at two. I went and grabbed Kristen and I Subway so I could have lunch with her in the break room. I talked with her until the end of her break...and ended up staying and talking to everyone for at least two more hours after that. If that's not lonely or desperately seeking something to do...then I don't know what is. It's so sad it's almost funny. Go ahead. Laugh. That's what everyone else does.
So. I think I'm finally losing interest in Gaia. No joke. I mean...I still love making characters and posting and stuff, but truthfully, I am tired of the people. No matter what rp I make or join, there is always someone that pisses me off or just can't write to the expectations I'm looking for. I know that may sound conceited...but after years of trying to do make good rps, it gets really exhausting. I just don't feel like gaia-ing as much as I do anymore. I mean...I'll stay on in the rps I am in at the moment. I wouldn't abandon people, even if I am not feeling up to posting. I'm not the type of person to do that. But you can bet your ass that I won't be making anymore rps or joining any. I am very wary of Gaia. Maybe this is temporary or maybe it's a new stage for me...either way I'll be focusing a lot more on my actual writing and on the movie script I started. At least that's something constructive. I must thank Gaia for helping me with my writing though. I have greatly improved since I started.
I really hope I'm not losing motivation again. It's the first step into depression, and I really don't want to feel like that again; it's not a good feeling, I'll tell you that much. And I have been SO close to hitting rock bottom and I don't want to go there. But I don't know what's going to happen at this point. Perhaps losing my interest in Gaia and talking more with people outside of the internet is a good thing. We'll see.
And don't worry, guys. I'm not to the lonely point where I would suddenly jump back into a relationship with David. That shit is over. O-V-E-R. As lonely as I feel, I really think I've been a LOT happier since I've split with him. It certainly has had my spirits up higher. Loneliness just comes with the territory. But I don't MISS him. Not at all, actually. We still talk, and have had a few lunches, even recently. But I honestly just call him or go out with him simply because I have nothing else to do. I get so bored and need someone to talk to, so I just call my ex and see how things are going. I'd call Allison, but I know that if she's not online she's either studying, asleep, or busy with Adam - if you know what I'm saying ;D - so I don't want to bother her. I know she wouldn't mind if I did, but that still doesn't mean I would do it. If I really need to talk to her, I know where to find her :P
But yeah. This is what's going on at the moment. Nothing to big; and everything else I just have to wait out. By the way. Drew is so adorable. I wish he was mine. But I shouldn't dwell on it. Fuck. My. Life. :P Can't wait until the last weekend in April. Epicness awaits.
I'm out.
.:~Dante~:.