(no subject)
Im writing in this journal for now. I dont even remember if this is on any ones lists any more, I dont care. Im gonna write here on these bullshit "pages". Live is down hill. Its digressing to where it was before. I cant remember last time i felt like this. I dont know what it is. Bethy remembered my birthday so did the family. Oh and some people from DE that mean nothing to me. Did the one i really wanted to remember it remember? fuck no! Fuck it. I feel like im close to loosing it again. This My reason for writing here. The reason my body insists on not just breaking down,although my heart does... often, too often. I am afraid to make plans to leave. I am afraid i will say okay im ready and im going to hear,yeah about that,...your not coming... I dont feel safe any where. i dont feel safe with any one. I ran away from John. I used to feel safe the world prooved me stupid. I am afraid of loosing it. I am afraid of the crazy that insists on being a part of me and im afraid im loosing at "life" my pseudo life. I call it that now. I am having a pseudo life so i can have some pseudo memories. Fuck all of it. I hurt inside so bad.Every one has a flame. Some are bigger than others. Mine is blown out.