dear livejournal
hahaha damn i havent written in this thing in so long...
well
maybe someone out there can help...
well...
lets be honest, jacksonville has been known for its lack of shit to do within the past like 4 years, its gotten worse year after year
there used to be a good scene full of "good" bands and shows and its all gotten to be a joke full of shitty people and shitty bands and its all about the image, no longer the friendship and unity it once appeared to be...
so we all try and try to find our own things to do, find friends and good people.
only problem is, i transferred around a bunch in highschool, so i lost alot of "friends" i grew up and went to school with.
i went to this bk for my last 2 years of highschool, but never quite felt like i fit in completely, due to the fact that most of these people had grown up and gone to school together pretty much all their lives...
so i was already an outsider from the start...
i've been around and done some things with people from my high school... parties, chillen, you know w/e
when i come in town from tallahassee and a bunch of people from there do too ( i go to college with a shit load of kids from my high school) it just seems like i disappear to them and kinda become a hidden option, like they forget and when i say something theyre like "oh yea, pat exist..."
but even then i only hear from them like when i say something, except for a few exceptional occasions...
there are 2 people i CONSTANTLY hang out with and have maintained friendships with and consider to be my best friends, kyle and curtis
only problem is, theyre still in highschool so its harder for them to get away with things like staying out a few nights in a row, or even going out...
girls...
well
haha
i wont go off on them considering i could write pages and pages of things that have gone wrong with girls and relationships in my life
but i'll save you the time and boredom of reading that all
but i will say this
i broke up with my gf like 3 months ago
i dont necessarily want a relationship
or at least not that one
it was great
she was a great girl
but there was just something missing it felt like...
and now, i'm single, i have few like real accountable friendships and i'm completely fucking lonely
which fills my heads with thoughts of is it me? have i fucked something up so terribly along the way? am i still fun? am i still considered appealing and attractive to girls, or am i just so played out that i'm doomed to be alone?
girls used to beg me to break up with the girl i was with, i used to easily be able to call like 5 girls and get like at least 2 options out of those 5. not saying i was ever a big manwhore or shit like that, but point being, i had a pretty good amount of beautiful options in my life... and now, i'm single, and its harder than it was when i was taken to find someone to talk to.
not to mention a bountiful amount of friends, even if they werent lifelong friendships, i had shit to do constantly, and had a pretty good time doing it all. now, unless one of the few people who ask me to do shit actually call me up or pick up their phones to chill, i pretty much sit inside wondering where its all gone...
i dunno
maybe i'm thinking too much
i'm trying to be happy you know
i'm doing a pretty good job
i try my best
i just cant help it sometimes, at least not when shit gets this bad...
:(
well...
at least my new tattoo looks pretty crucial
what do you think? (about everything, entry and tat or w/e haha)
well
maybe someone out there can help...
well...
lets be honest, jacksonville has been known for its lack of shit to do within the past like 4 years, its gotten worse year after year
there used to be a good scene full of "good" bands and shows and its all gotten to be a joke full of shitty people and shitty bands and its all about the image, no longer the friendship and unity it once appeared to be...
so we all try and try to find our own things to do, find friends and good people.
only problem is, i transferred around a bunch in highschool, so i lost alot of "friends" i grew up and went to school with.
i went to this bk for my last 2 years of highschool, but never quite felt like i fit in completely, due to the fact that most of these people had grown up and gone to school together pretty much all their lives...
so i was already an outsider from the start...
i've been around and done some things with people from my high school... parties, chillen, you know w/e
when i come in town from tallahassee and a bunch of people from there do too ( i go to college with a shit load of kids from my high school) it just seems like i disappear to them and kinda become a hidden option, like they forget and when i say something theyre like "oh yea, pat exist..."
but even then i only hear from them like when i say something, except for a few exceptional occasions...
there are 2 people i CONSTANTLY hang out with and have maintained friendships with and consider to be my best friends, kyle and curtis
only problem is, theyre still in highschool so its harder for them to get away with things like staying out a few nights in a row, or even going out...
girls...
well
haha
i wont go off on them considering i could write pages and pages of things that have gone wrong with girls and relationships in my life
but i'll save you the time and boredom of reading that all
but i will say this
i broke up with my gf like 3 months ago
i dont necessarily want a relationship
or at least not that one
it was great
she was a great girl
but there was just something missing it felt like...
and now, i'm single, i have few like real accountable friendships and i'm completely fucking lonely
which fills my heads with thoughts of is it me? have i fucked something up so terribly along the way? am i still fun? am i still considered appealing and attractive to girls, or am i just so played out that i'm doomed to be alone?
girls used to beg me to break up with the girl i was with, i used to easily be able to call like 5 girls and get like at least 2 options out of those 5. not saying i was ever a big manwhore or shit like that, but point being, i had a pretty good amount of beautiful options in my life... and now, i'm single, and its harder than it was when i was taken to find someone to talk to.
not to mention a bountiful amount of friends, even if they werent lifelong friendships, i had shit to do constantly, and had a pretty good time doing it all. now, unless one of the few people who ask me to do shit actually call me up or pick up their phones to chill, i pretty much sit inside wondering where its all gone...
i dunno
maybe i'm thinking too much
i'm trying to be happy you know
i'm doing a pretty good job
i try my best
i just cant help it sometimes, at least not when shit gets this bad...
:(
well...
at least my new tattoo looks pretty crucial
what do you think? (about everything, entry and tat or w/e haha)