.could we make it last?
so i was hoping everything could be saved for that one night. all the tears and screaming. maybe its too early to compromise whats happening in our lives. our mind tells us one thing, but totally fucks up another thing: our hearts. remember those? those things as kids we built up a wall for years and years protecting ourselves for when we grew older and we found someone we'd want to be with for the rest of our lives? i found my someone, its just my someone isn't within my reach. things have been pacing through my mind like a mouse in its wheel. its raining outside, and i have to drive to glendale with the brother. i thought friends would make this hole within myself go away, but that one person who did, i fucked things up and now it's bigger. *nods head* i fucked things up real bad. im kinda sick, but not physically, mentally, but as well as physically. i cant seem to keep anything down. not even feelings. im stuck in these walls that seem to become bigger and bigger each day. what happend to the good ol' days when we use to go outside in our underwear while raining and play in the mud not caring what happend to us a week later if we were sick. i guess i just needed help for a long time, and i finally took it too far. i lost the one thing that meant the most to me. i put her above myself, i didnt care if i was hurt or whatever, i wanted her to be happy. then something changed in myself. i turned into someone that wasn't me, that isn't me. memories, pictures, words, promises, everything that was there, is now running through my mind like a slide show, in which i can't shut it off. i just want her back.