maybe you shouldn't take this personally...
Well I just hate the way things change, nothing is ever obvious to me.... I'm back at home. Under shitty circumstances. Ask, maybe I'll tell most likely not though. I think my heart is broken, I lost faith in a lot of things. I am lost in transition, I don't know where I am going from here. I need some stability and security. I'm sure I'll get that here. This is going to be a long process that I don't even want to begin to imagine. Picking up the peices right now just seems to be an absurd idea. I hate a lot of things, including myself and my life. I probably hate you too. It's nothing personal, but you're most likely happy and I hate you for that. I am preparing myself for socialization again, but I have a feeling that I'm going to fail miserably or win an oscar for faking it. I'm numb, I have no feelings, no sense of reality. All that I knew of reality was ripped away from me without my consent. I can't stand talking, that's all everyone wants to do is talk. I hate it... it makes me hurt and I hate hurting. I hate this vulnerability that I am faced with. Don't talk to me about it I'd rather pretend it never happened than to have to fake through a conversation where you pretend like you understand. YOU DON'T. How can you, I can't even understand or comprehend this, it's like a fucking snowball that gets worse by the minute. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Fuck everything, fuck peices of shit that have no heart and do the shit that they do. If I could meet you in the streets, I would tear you apart with out a second thought, because that's what you did with my life... fuck you for that. How am I suppose to go on when I don't know how to fix myself any more. What happens when there are too many peices to put back toghether. where the hell do I go from here???