So dissapointed with life..
trust... such a small and yet difficult word. To trust someone means to give them your all hoping they dont abuse it. i've learned that over the years it is becoming more and more difficult for me to be able to place trust in others. It seems like everytime i do, i end up being dissapointed and torn. I know, life is full of dissapointments, but should it really be happening every day??? Shouldnt every now and then SOMETHING go my way? Do i have my hopes set up too high and thats why it hurts everytime they are dropped down? i dont think so.. becauase i really dont expect a lot from people, and even the little things like caring or being a good friends seems like its too much to ask. Shouldnt i be able to trust what someone says and not worry if they are gonna to do something completely opposite? i hate that i dont put more faith in those around me, but when all i ever feel is constant pain and disappointment, why should i? all i want is to be happy.. really and truly happy, for once.. I want honest friends, i mean i do have a few, but it jsut seems like everytime i feel completely relieved that a friend is here to stay, its then that they end up backstabbing me. I want to be able to turn to my family and have them understand. for my familt to be proud of me, of who i am, for a change instead of calling me names and how ashamed of me they are they dont realize how much extra pain they put on my shoulders EVERYDAY. it fuckin hurts, fuckin kills... i try so hard to be a great person, daughter, and friend. and i never can get anything in return. I want to talk and be heard, for people to hear what im saying and not just hear my mouth moving ... becuase no one will EVER understand what i go through each day. i want to smile and it be real, not something that just covers up the pain that i feel inside. i want the tears to stop falling so frequently. i want answers to questions. all i want is the chance to be happy, truely happy. and i want to be able to do that here, in my own town, in my own home. i dont want to feel like i need to leave in order to find what im looking for. im sick and tired of waiting and hoping and wanting. it should happen now... something should happen now. happiness shouldnt be this difficult to obtain. Smiles should be genuine. Laughter should be real. Living a life of false emotions should not be done. emotions shouldnt be this draining. is it really even fair to be living liek this???