And if my parents are crying, then I'll dig a tunnel from my window to yours.
Sooo much is always wronggggg.
I hate how this thing has more or less become the cliche, whiny emo livejournal. I've just been in kind of a funk recently, I guess.
I used to have somewhat of a passion for writing stuff like this. I used to have stuff that I thought was worth writing about. Now it's all about mostly hackneyed, disjointed phrases describing how shitty I feel.
I don't even particularly want to write all that much right now. I'm just wasting time until The Daily Show/Colbert Report come on.
So I went to the gym for the first time in forever today. That went okay, I guess. I didn't pass out or puke, so I declared my visit a victory. Hoorah.
I also had to get my senior picture taken. That went as well as I could have expected, even though it just ended up reminding me how stiff and reserved I am around most people. It also kind of got me questioning how much I like people in general. I mean, I considered calling Tim earlier so that we could hang out tonight, but the truth is that I just wasn't compelled to at all. I couldn't think of anything worth doing, and I really didn't feel like doing much with Tim. Same goes for most people. I mean, if I'm invited somewhere by somebody I'll usually go, but I'm not going to call people up and see if they want to do something usually - even if I've considered those people as some of my 'best friends' at one time or another. I guess it might not be so much about the people in general as it is about...I don't know. I'm just inherently uncomfortable around everyone. Even the people I've been the closest to, I'm always dreading the moment when conversation stops and we're just sitting there. I'm dreading everything that goes wrong. I am very rarely truly comfortable with anyone - friends, family, anyone. I feel like I always need to have some kind of defense ready - some mask on. I always need to act a certain way or I won't be accepted. Is that irrational? Is that really such an irrational thought? Or am I really so bad with people in my most basic form that I constantly have to put on some kind of act which usually just further impairs my relationships with people?
I know, it's the same old song that I always find myself singing, just in a different key. It's my journal. Deal.
I was going to mention here how hard it is to actively be funny and entertaining when you're depressed, but I figured I was both a) stating the obvious and b) preaching to the choir, so I'm just going to go ahead and scratch that part.
I need to get out of this funk. I want my writing to get better.
And my life, now that I think about it.
Oh well. What else is new?
Only a minute or two until my shows. Guess I should head.
(Go, Dave.)
Edit: Oh waitwait. Last night actually went pretty well. I really hope this thing ends up going somewhere.
Now I'm done. :D
I hate how this thing has more or less become the cliche, whiny emo livejournal. I've just been in kind of a funk recently, I guess.
I used to have somewhat of a passion for writing stuff like this. I used to have stuff that I thought was worth writing about. Now it's all about mostly hackneyed, disjointed phrases describing how shitty I feel.
I don't even particularly want to write all that much right now. I'm just wasting time until The Daily Show/Colbert Report come on.
So I went to the gym for the first time in forever today. That went okay, I guess. I didn't pass out or puke, so I declared my visit a victory. Hoorah.
I also had to get my senior picture taken. That went as well as I could have expected, even though it just ended up reminding me how stiff and reserved I am around most people. It also kind of got me questioning how much I like people in general. I mean, I considered calling Tim earlier so that we could hang out tonight, but the truth is that I just wasn't compelled to at all. I couldn't think of anything worth doing, and I really didn't feel like doing much with Tim. Same goes for most people. I mean, if I'm invited somewhere by somebody I'll usually go, but I'm not going to call people up and see if they want to do something usually - even if I've considered those people as some of my 'best friends' at one time or another. I guess it might not be so much about the people in general as it is about...I don't know. I'm just inherently uncomfortable around everyone. Even the people I've been the closest to, I'm always dreading the moment when conversation stops and we're just sitting there. I'm dreading everything that goes wrong. I am very rarely truly comfortable with anyone - friends, family, anyone. I feel like I always need to have some kind of defense ready - some mask on. I always need to act a certain way or I won't be accepted. Is that irrational? Is that really such an irrational thought? Or am I really so bad with people in my most basic form that I constantly have to put on some kind of act which usually just further impairs my relationships with people?
I know, it's the same old song that I always find myself singing, just in a different key. It's my journal. Deal.
I was going to mention here how hard it is to actively be funny and entertaining when you're depressed, but I figured I was both a) stating the obvious and b) preaching to the choir, so I'm just going to go ahead and scratch that part.
I need to get out of this funk. I want my writing to get better.
And my life, now that I think about it.
Oh well. What else is new?
Only a minute or two until my shows. Guess I should head.
(Go, Dave.)
Edit: Oh waitwait. Last night actually went pretty well. I really hope this thing ends up going somewhere.
Now I'm done. :D