he is all the strength i will ever need<3
I haven't updated in like, foreverr! I'm sooo sorry yall!! :( But
bear with me .. so okay New Years?! Deff. had a lil' fun at the
Bumpus' residence!!! Her parents like weren't even home n it was crazy
<3 I met this guy Ryan though and he gave me my mid-night kiss! It
was the cutest thing in the ENTIRE worllddd. hi- I was like, in love
n almost died :) :) :) So, I had a really good time! That night was and
still is a night to talk about :P Oh lordy .. but besides that I've
been really busy with these exams that stress me out because we like
sit in a class for 3 hours with nottttthhhinggg to do. It's the worst,
but they're like all over with now! n' I did pretty good on all of 'em
except todayy :( I had my hardest ones !!! :\ But I'm gettin'
ready to be super bummy right now n' go n watch some movies and prolly
eat some icecream. :) I'm really pumped hehhehe <3
But so muchhhh has been goin on lately with me, its like insane and I don't even know what to do. Like I freakin look like I'm flirting with people's like exs and I'm notttt at all its like so wrong and like I barely talk to like the ex's exs and everything looks so wrong and every time I feel so guilty for like talkin to this guy and I just like it borhters me SO much when it looks like Im totally doin somethin else or I'm totlaly one way when I'm not AT ALL. It makes me soo upset :( And then I hate boys and their.. games and like.. how they are all the same and so predictable. Its ridcilous. like I'm soooo over them right now. And my ex? Grr.. it's so aggrivating because like I dont even know WHY but the break up was soo hard for me becaues it was so unexpected but then it was at the same exact time and like.. It goes back and forth! Like I thought and was so sure he changed at the same time I knew he hadn't all along. And then like- I was upset for a lil' while and found out a few things which didn't help and I ws like .. gettin' mad. And then i found out even MORE and that was like it 4 sure. But then it's like ugh I still miss him at the same time I HATE him. Its like with him all along I have felt complete opposites at the same time! Like when I think about him right now I want to like murder him at the same time I just want to like sit down n talk to him n see how he's been. And then cheerleain' is a whole other story, annnd I'm SO excited that I'm startin to hang out with Tiffy again but at the same time it's not how it used to be at all. I still feel like the whole like- most of 'em totally hate me and I mean I don't know I just assume things easily but I just feel like no one likes me? And it's all just one big confusing mess and I hate it :( As many times as I have said it before, I'm so sure I just want 2 move away for a bit. It's not where I wanna be at all right now .. this place makes me so happy and sad at the same time, it's so not fun.
And just when I think it gets like really good for me, everything goes away and gets the worst it's ever been.
I just don't understannddd anything anymore.
*But then again I look at others lives n' problems n realize mine are NOTHING compared to theirs. I feel shelfish sometimes n like I ask like why in the world am I complaining when I really don't have that bad of a life at alllll. but I think we all like look on the negative sometiems which isn't good :( *
But so muchhhh has been goin on lately with me, its like insane and I don't even know what to do. Like I freakin look like I'm flirting with people's like exs and I'm notttt at all its like so wrong and like I barely talk to like the ex's exs and everything looks so wrong and every time I feel so guilty for like talkin to this guy and I just like it borhters me SO much when it looks like Im totally doin somethin else or I'm totlaly one way when I'm not AT ALL. It makes me soo upset :( And then I hate boys and their.. games and like.. how they are all the same and so predictable. Its ridcilous. like I'm soooo over them right now. And my ex? Grr.. it's so aggrivating because like I dont even know WHY but the break up was soo hard for me becaues it was so unexpected but then it was at the same exact time and like.. It goes back and forth! Like I thought and was so sure he changed at the same time I knew he hadn't all along. And then like- I was upset for a lil' while and found out a few things which didn't help and I ws like .. gettin' mad. And then i found out even MORE and that was like it 4 sure. But then it's like ugh I still miss him at the same time I HATE him. Its like with him all along I have felt complete opposites at the same time! Like when I think about him right now I want to like murder him at the same time I just want to like sit down n talk to him n see how he's been. And then cheerleain' is a whole other story, annnd I'm SO excited that I'm startin to hang out with Tiffy again but at the same time it's not how it used to be at all. I still feel like the whole like- most of 'em totally hate me and I mean I don't know I just assume things easily but I just feel like no one likes me? And it's all just one big confusing mess and I hate it :( As many times as I have said it before, I'm so sure I just want 2 move away for a bit. It's not where I wanna be at all right now .. this place makes me so happy and sad at the same time, it's so not fun.
And just when I think it gets like really good for me, everything goes away and gets the worst it's ever been.
I just don't understannddd anything anymore.
*But then again I look at others lives n' problems n realize mine are NOTHING compared to theirs. I feel shelfish sometimes n like I ask like why in the world am I complaining when I really don't have that bad of a life at alllll. but I think we all like look on the negative sometiems which isn't good :( *