I don't know if I should be happy, or throwing myself off the nearest highrise....

[xheatdishx]

Last night, Emily left with Dawn to go to Nate's house, that was the third night in a row. She said they'd be back in about half an hour because they had to drop something off, also, something she had said 3 nights in a row. The two nights before that, she had come home at 4 or 5 in the morning, pulled out the hide-a-bed from the couch in the front room, and she slept out there, I kept asking her why she wouldn't sleep in the same bed with me, and why she kept leaving to some guy's house who I'd never met and staying there ALL night. I was getting really freaked out. so when she left last night, I tried to stay up till she got home, so I stayed on the couch where the hide-a-bed was and ended up falling asleep, 3 am rolls around and she wakes me up and starts telling me not to talk shit behind her back (I never talked shit, I talked to Mandie and let her know that I was really scared, and that I wasn't feeling loved at all because Emily had told me that she probably couldnt wait for me when I go to the National Guard(doesn't make a guy feel too secure) .. and I talked to Mandie, because she's the only person that knows what's going on. ) I look up at Emily (as I'm just waking up) and ask her what she's talking about, and she tells me right there, it's over, and then we went into my room and she started telling me how she wanted to be just friends, and how I can find someone better (you know, all that usual crap you get fed while ur being dumped). I don't think she dumped me because of me talking to Mandie ... I think she's been looking for a reason for awhile ... ugh ... I know something was going on at Nate's ... I'm not stupid, she didn't start acting like this until she went over there. >:(

so yeah, I don't know if I should be happy I'm not with her, cause I can't trust her at all, or completelly sad, because I loved her so much, and now it's over ... fuck.