Give me One More Medicated Peaceful Moment..
Ugh its been such a stupid and useless day.
I told my mom about the Dream Theater concert and she didn't give a shit, so I guess I'm not going.
Then I told her I wanted to change that CD already and shes like NO WE WERE GOING TO THE GYM NOW WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
So she went to my grandmother's house and I tried to release my frustration in working out. Obviously, walking 10 miles hasn't helped.
I went back and they're just making fun of me and ignoring every word I have to say, so I sit alone in the couch.
And I heard my grandmother say, "She was so much prettier when she wasn't like that."
Yeah well I'm not the fickwit who asks her granddaughter if she wants donuts before going to the gym.
Then my little cousin tagged along and my mom made fun of me so that she'd entertain my cousin.
I haven't felt upset in a long time. So this suprises me.
But it was bound to happen.
OMGOMG DREAM THEATER.
Psh. I can't expect something that incredible to happen in my life because it won't.
I hate how dependent I have to be of my parents. Every little decision always ends up if their will exists or not. My circumstances are never in my own fucking hands, and controlled by everyone around me.
And the stupid retards of my family think I go to the gym to lose weight.
Ugh. Its the only way I can let out frustration, since I'm quitting cutting, cutting is so gay.
"OMG I CUT IM SO EMO!"
ugh. Yeah I didn't ever think like that until somebody starting fucking annoying me. "Don't worry just one more SLIT and I'll be fine." "If only you understood how this pain is my only pleasure."
First of all, people that self-mutilate aren't going to show it off to the world. Self mutilation only brought me shame, how low and pathetic I was to have nothing else to do when I was upset but let it out on myself.
Whatever and Toby is helping calm me down.
Ugh thats another reason why I'm so upset, I don't have anyone at all to talk to about things but myself.
I never really talked to Olivia about anything, and I used to talk to Paul a whole lot but suddenly its just been bam, and with that dream I had I'm surely not going to chase him at all anymore, even if I miss him a whole lot as the best friend he was.
I talk to Luke a lot but I don't like bothering him with whatever upsets me.. I don't like bothering anyone.
I have my psycologist.. but what the fuck?! The only person I can talk to is PAID to talk to me!
Ugh I have piss friends.
Oh well, I guess this summer is going to be exactly like the last, I'm completely alone and shut in my house and left to rot, and maybe I'll get even more emotional starting Autumn like last year.
Ugh I don't even have an identity anymore.
Olivia loves APC and Dream Theater, taking away anything special in me.
I miss how I would sing songs with Paul.
I wish this dissapointment and anguish and nostalgia would fucking leave me alone forever.
But I can't even get tickets for a Dream Theater gig, how am I to ask for that.
I told my mom about the Dream Theater concert and she didn't give a shit, so I guess I'm not going.
Then I told her I wanted to change that CD already and shes like NO WE WERE GOING TO THE GYM NOW WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
So she went to my grandmother's house and I tried to release my frustration in working out. Obviously, walking 10 miles hasn't helped.
I went back and they're just making fun of me and ignoring every word I have to say, so I sit alone in the couch.
And I heard my grandmother say, "She was so much prettier when she wasn't like that."
Yeah well I'm not the fickwit who asks her granddaughter if she wants donuts before going to the gym.
Then my little cousin tagged along and my mom made fun of me so that she'd entertain my cousin.
I haven't felt upset in a long time. So this suprises me.
But it was bound to happen.
OMGOMG DREAM THEATER.
Psh. I can't expect something that incredible to happen in my life because it won't.
I hate how dependent I have to be of my parents. Every little decision always ends up if their will exists or not. My circumstances are never in my own fucking hands, and controlled by everyone around me.
And the stupid retards of my family think I go to the gym to lose weight.
Ugh. Its the only way I can let out frustration, since I'm quitting cutting, cutting is so gay.
"OMG I CUT IM SO EMO!"
ugh. Yeah I didn't ever think like that until somebody starting fucking annoying me. "Don't worry just one more SLIT and I'll be fine." "If only you understood how this pain is my only pleasure."
First of all, people that self-mutilate aren't going to show it off to the world. Self mutilation only brought me shame, how low and pathetic I was to have nothing else to do when I was upset but let it out on myself.
Whatever and Toby is helping calm me down.
Ugh thats another reason why I'm so upset, I don't have anyone at all to talk to about things but myself.
I never really talked to Olivia about anything, and I used to talk to Paul a whole lot but suddenly its just been bam, and with that dream I had I'm surely not going to chase him at all anymore, even if I miss him a whole lot as the best friend he was.
I talk to Luke a lot but I don't like bothering him with whatever upsets me.. I don't like bothering anyone.
I have my psycologist.. but what the fuck?! The only person I can talk to is PAID to talk to me!
Ugh I have piss friends.
Oh well, I guess this summer is going to be exactly like the last, I'm completely alone and shut in my house and left to rot, and maybe I'll get even more emotional starting Autumn like last year.
Ugh I don't even have an identity anymore.
Olivia loves APC and Dream Theater, taking away anything special in me.
I miss how I would sing songs with Paul.
I wish this dissapointment and anguish and nostalgia would fucking leave me alone forever.
But I can't even get tickets for a Dream Theater gig, how am I to ask for that.