(no subject)
Where to start almost a year later...
I am suprisingly happy despite the recent sudden and dramatic changes in my life.
I don't want to lose my best friend, but I think some time apart may be the only way to really move on. I feel petty and bitter when I don't want to. I feel unimportant, taken advantage of, and tossed aside.
Cameron, you aren't going to find happiness in the places you keep looking and it makes me so sad. I love you. I know we aren't meant to be together or we both would have been happier, but I do love you. I want you to be happy. I know you better than anyone and the choices you are making are not going to make you feel anyless hollow. Please realize it soon. I'm tired of seeing you in pain. Only you can make the changes necessary to become the man you want to be... but I'm always here if you need help.
I feel bad for being so happy so soon. I feel bad that you made the decision that I wasn't brave enough to make. I feel bad that your decision set me free and made me feel weightless. I feel bad that I'm falling in love. (Even though, I'm close to positive that it doesn't bother you at all.)
I don't understand how I can love you so much and know with complete certainty that you are not the one for me. I love no one in my life the way that I love you. I don't want to lose that but I'm afraid I have to in order to be able to give myself to someone else fully.
I hope someday you find someone perfect for you and that when you do, you truly deeply appreciate what you have.
P.S. If you're going to be a man-slut, be safer about it. I don't want you to catch an STD and die.
This was less of an update and more of a catharsis.
I don't mind, it needed to come out.
I am suprisingly happy despite the recent sudden and dramatic changes in my life.
I don't want to lose my best friend, but I think some time apart may be the only way to really move on. I feel petty and bitter when I don't want to. I feel unimportant, taken advantage of, and tossed aside.
Cameron, you aren't going to find happiness in the places you keep looking and it makes me so sad. I love you. I know we aren't meant to be together or we both would have been happier, but I do love you. I want you to be happy. I know you better than anyone and the choices you are making are not going to make you feel anyless hollow. Please realize it soon. I'm tired of seeing you in pain. Only you can make the changes necessary to become the man you want to be... but I'm always here if you need help.
I feel bad for being so happy so soon. I feel bad that you made the decision that I wasn't brave enough to make. I feel bad that your decision set me free and made me feel weightless. I feel bad that I'm falling in love. (Even though, I'm close to positive that it doesn't bother you at all.)
I don't understand how I can love you so much and know with complete certainty that you are not the one for me. I love no one in my life the way that I love you. I don't want to lose that but I'm afraid I have to in order to be able to give myself to someone else fully.
I hope someday you find someone perfect for you and that when you do, you truly deeply appreciate what you have.
P.S. If you're going to be a man-slut, be safer about it. I don't want you to catch an STD and die.
This was less of an update and more of a catharsis.
I don't mind, it needed to come out.