please put your hands down and stop raising your voice
there's too much tragedy,
God's not giving us choices.
whether or not we're ready,
he's taking their lives.
i don't even really know right now. this may or may not make sense to you, but i don't even care. this is my journal and i can do whatever i want. i am kind of hurt and pissed and stressed and sad and very hostile right now. i don't know, i don't know. it's been a horrible start to my week.
i feel bad because i don't know if i'll be able to go to cara's party friday. i want to go. she's one of my best friends and i already feel bad that i can't give her a yes or no answer and the tears are already at the backs of my eyes. so i cry a lot. so what? it may seem meaningless to you, but its much more than that. i can only handle so much. so much anger. so much stress. so much sadness. so much pain. so much tragedy. and right now, i can't handle anymore. i wish i had the energy to go over to bill's. i wanna cry so bad. and i just want a hug from him. that's it. a hug. he's a whole other topic.. he drives me crazy. i really like him a lot. we'll leave it at that for now.
there's too much shit to think about and this crazy british indie is making it far too difficult to think, but the violins and moog in this part is somewhat calming. i'm in the mood for a drive. destination unknown. probably that hill right where i can see the sunset. somewhere where i can be alone. i feel unwanted and out of place. it's confusing. the playground would be an obvious choice, but there's that chance of people actually being there. i probably won't end up going anywhere. i'll just sit in my room, on my computer, on my ass and either listen to music or put in a movie. i'm getting lazy and i need to start running again.
i want to cry. i want to lose 20 pounds. i want a lot of things.
God's not giving us choices.
whether or not we're ready,
he's taking their lives.
i don't even really know right now. this may or may not make sense to you, but i don't even care. this is my journal and i can do whatever i want. i am kind of hurt and pissed and stressed and sad and very hostile right now. i don't know, i don't know. it's been a horrible start to my week.
i feel bad because i don't know if i'll be able to go to cara's party friday. i want to go. she's one of my best friends and i already feel bad that i can't give her a yes or no answer and the tears are already at the backs of my eyes. so i cry a lot. so what? it may seem meaningless to you, but its much more than that. i can only handle so much. so much anger. so much stress. so much sadness. so much pain. so much tragedy. and right now, i can't handle anymore. i wish i had the energy to go over to bill's. i wanna cry so bad. and i just want a hug from him. that's it. a hug. he's a whole other topic.. he drives me crazy. i really like him a lot. we'll leave it at that for now.
there's too much shit to think about and this crazy british indie is making it far too difficult to think, but the violins and moog in this part is somewhat calming. i'm in the mood for a drive. destination unknown. probably that hill right where i can see the sunset. somewhere where i can be alone. i feel unwanted and out of place. it's confusing. the playground would be an obvious choice, but there's that chance of people actually being there. i probably won't end up going anywhere. i'll just sit in my room, on my computer, on my ass and either listen to music or put in a movie. i'm getting lazy and i need to start running again.
i want to cry. i want to lose 20 pounds. i want a lot of things.