writes block...sucks major sweaty balls...

[xhappyaccidents]

so...i'm trying to over come my major OCDness...and how am i trying to do that? by writing in my actual journal. i use to take such complete pride in how artsy and beautiful they all looked. how well the marker colors flowed with the magazine clippings i pasted inside. it was like i was making my life...beautiful. and now... i cant even write one single sentence with out becoming completely disgusted because my handwriting is just...grotesctic. Baby and me are going to go to the gym and walk on the tredmil for about 30 minutes. i am deteremined to lose weight. and i am deteremined to get a tan...which is why lately i have been contemplating going to the tanning beds here. hey...they're free. i have a lot of things i want to set in motion for myself. i'm trying to reinvint me...because this whole...depressive allie mode that i've stationed myself in...is just not going to work...for me...or anyone. i dont want to completely change...but i want to be able to look in the mirror and actually feel acomplished with myself...instead of just counting the minutes until the next day...which is what i usually do. i have a wonderful life...i should start appreciating it. Baby and Chris are in the living room watching some sad reject of an 80's movie ( i know...i didnt think it was possible either!) called the "Return of the Killer Tomatoes" it has it's amusing moments.
Step one in this whole reinvention allie operation...is to force myself to forgive the one person i blame most for why i got stuck in this situation in the first place....this could take a while folks.
so...until later news...im out like a deaf kid in muscial chairs...(haha, Stevie)...i need to try and write in my journal anyways...