(no subject)
i hate this shit. When everyone around you is "merry"..and your sad..but you're still smiling at everyone..trying to make THEIR day as happy as possible. I fuck every 'relationship' up..without even knowing it. I knew Jason was too good to be true. I kept my guard up and when I finally put it down..it's REALITY.. again. The truth hurts..what is REAL hurts..I need a brake from the drama..from the mess....from MY LIFE. I hate holding grudges to people's names. I want us to all be friends..and party like we did Wednsday night. For that one night..I forgot ALL my problems..and felt relaxed. It was ME being HAPPY..almost like for the very first time. Why am I sooo sad? Why cant I just hold onto somebody? Or, have the guts to stand in front of them..my face in the open..anf let ME show through? God, let me be HAPPY..for one WHOLE day. PLease..that's all I want out of life right now..nothing else.