(no subject)

[xgutterxpunkx]

the other day i was watching the sun rise from 450 til about 6 and it was so just unbelieveable i was staring off in the east and i began to see the night clouds move out fastly as the black turned to purple and eventually it turend pinkish oragne then the clouds started to move faster and the colors faded all together east getting lighter than the west then storm clouds started coming in and i watched it slowly begin to rain to stop fastly just as if it was to rejuvienate nature as i was sitting there in the car beside keenan i just felt like it was the happiest moment of my life he was just laying there in his seat sleeping and i rubbed him as he slept not once did i close my eyes because to me he is just so beautiful and he makes me oh so happy i never want to lose that feeling he gives me i just wish everything would be ok it use to be that i wanted to escape my family to be with keenan and his mom and his sister sometimes i just felt more welcome there than i did at my own house but now everything is so different it confuses me and i cry because i just want everything to not be abnormal you know ive changed my life so much for keenan ive became to realize how pretty i can be and not be ashamed to show my body so i dont hide underneath my clothes anymore i dont hate myself anymore i just think about how lucky i am to have keenan because not only is he my boyfriend hes my bestfriend i dont ever have to not trust keenan i use to not trust him but it was only because i was paranoid hed go back to his old self i was scared hed leave me.. but since we've been together this long and weve spent every day together for 1 year 1 month and 2 days (besides the 3 months i didnt get to even say hello,or i love you) i dont ever have to worry all i have to worry about is trying to fix my ties with his family it seems so permanently broken. i just wish that they could have known how i use to be and that im trying to change my everything to make them like me but its so hopeless but my mom has realized a big change in me and shes glad that keenan has done this to me shes just so paranoid about him leaveing me and me going crazy because she knows i love him more than i ever did randy and he was my best friend for 9 long years i was foolish then and very immature but most of all i was scared i was scared no one would ever love me but i guess it was karma me meeting keenan from that awful tragedy from 8th grade to a fairy tail life with keenan

im sorry. i cant finsih.