my day and heart poured onto the screen...
ok, i was supposd to go to my class today, but on the way over, i started crying over that asshole again, and decided to come home. so i did and started bawling for about 30 min or so. then i watched pulp fiction. i love that movie so much, but when i was watching it, the funniest parts of the movie didn't seem as funny to me as they normally make me roll on the ground hysterically. oh well. i ust feel too empty to feel like i wanna have fun or laugh. not that i don't WANT to, but i'd like to, because i want to forget about the fact that i loved Hector Garcia.
i'm feeling indifferent and guilty to the max. i feel betrayed by some punk who obviously doesn't care about me. and i feel like a hypocrite, because i'm so hurt by what he did to me, and how much he lied to me. yet, i've been lying to my parents so much. here's how it breaks down:
THE HONEST AND LOVING : THE LIAR AND HEARTBREAKER
Sam (me) : Hector
Parents : Sam (me)
i just feel horrible for preaching up and down that i hate liars, and i was lying my ass off to my parents. i tried to fool myself into justifying it by saying, "Oh, it's only my parents, and I don't want to get in trouble!" Here's what Hector was saying, "Oh it's only Sam, and I just don't want to get caught or in trouble." I feel horrible and guilty for it all, and i think from now on i should just keep my mouth shut.
I was telling fez the other day, that hector had convinced me that he would never use a girl for sex, never cheat on anybody, and basically that he would always have great respect for women. well, i guess i just wanted to believe that so much, i was too blinded by those words that i wanted to hear so badly that a guy would respect and love me. now, when i talk to fez, kyle, james, jesiah, nick, the other hector, michael, any guy, as much as i'd like to believe them, or how well i know him, i can't believe what they say. that hurts that i have no more trust for anybody. i'm sorry to my guy friends, but from the bottom of my heart, i'm truly sorry, and i feel horrible. but this is the way i feel about myself. i can't tell you how sorry i am for not being able to believe you guys.
job searching..it sux, but i need a job. i'll probably sell out and start working at something lame like mcdonalds.
that's probably the best i can do, because even though i've had a lot of work experience, and even though i've got a great resume, i think the managers just look at me and think, "Ew, who would want to eat after looking at something like that?"
Everything hector's ever said to me, i believe the opposite:
Pretty-------->Ugly
Sexy---------->Discusting
Nice---------->Mean
Talented------>Untalented
Wanted-------->Unwanted
A winner------>A loser
Worthy-------->Unworthy
Head turner--->Invisible
Smart--------->Idiot
The list goes on. he just gave me false compliments, and when i realized that he was just a liar, i flipped everything he said to me, to be the opposite. whatever. i don't really care about myself anymore.
one cool thing happened today. (just so i don't sound to pessimistic) i dropped by to see Kelsey and Kaitlyn. that was cool. they're going to go to our chili cook-off. that should be fun. l8er!
-sam
i'm feeling indifferent and guilty to the max. i feel betrayed by some punk who obviously doesn't care about me. and i feel like a hypocrite, because i'm so hurt by what he did to me, and how much he lied to me. yet, i've been lying to my parents so much. here's how it breaks down:
THE HONEST AND LOVING : THE LIAR AND HEARTBREAKER
Sam (me) : Hector
Parents : Sam (me)
i just feel horrible for preaching up and down that i hate liars, and i was lying my ass off to my parents. i tried to fool myself into justifying it by saying, "Oh, it's only my parents, and I don't want to get in trouble!" Here's what Hector was saying, "Oh it's only Sam, and I just don't want to get caught or in trouble." I feel horrible and guilty for it all, and i think from now on i should just keep my mouth shut.
I was telling fez the other day, that hector had convinced me that he would never use a girl for sex, never cheat on anybody, and basically that he would always have great respect for women. well, i guess i just wanted to believe that so much, i was too blinded by those words that i wanted to hear so badly that a guy would respect and love me. now, when i talk to fez, kyle, james, jesiah, nick, the other hector, michael, any guy, as much as i'd like to believe them, or how well i know him, i can't believe what they say. that hurts that i have no more trust for anybody. i'm sorry to my guy friends, but from the bottom of my heart, i'm truly sorry, and i feel horrible. but this is the way i feel about myself. i can't tell you how sorry i am for not being able to believe you guys.
job searching..it sux, but i need a job. i'll probably sell out and start working at something lame like mcdonalds.
that's probably the best i can do, because even though i've had a lot of work experience, and even though i've got a great resume, i think the managers just look at me and think, "Ew, who would want to eat after looking at something like that?"
Everything hector's ever said to me, i believe the opposite:
Pretty-------->Ugly
Sexy---------->Discusting
Nice---------->Mean
Talented------>Untalented
Wanted-------->Unwanted
A winner------>A loser
Worthy-------->Unworthy
Head turner--->Invisible
Smart--------->Idiot
The list goes on. he just gave me false compliments, and when i realized that he was just a liar, i flipped everything he said to me, to be the opposite. whatever. i don't really care about myself anymore.
one cool thing happened today. (just so i don't sound to pessimistic) i dropped by to see Kelsey and Kaitlyn. that was cool. they're going to go to our chili cook-off. that should be fun. l8er!
-sam