"It'll Never Be Okay"
I've decided to make my old journal my stories and delete my blurty. So blurty: it's been nice. Buh bye!
You couldn't see the ground because of all of the snow. It was about a foot and a half deep. I could feel a draft through the window in which I looked. It was pretty chilly outside here in Toronto, Canada. All of my classes were cancelled, and I had spent the day on the computer and on the phone. Practically everyone was heading to Forest Hill to go snowboarding. Oh, how I really wanted to go. But since my parents died four weeks ago, I've been unbearably dpressed. I remember that day when they were hit by a drunk driver.
It was a Tuesday night. They were coming home from food shopping. Their small Toyota wassitting at a red light. A drunk driver hit them in a head-on collision. My dad had died instantly. Even with sven hours of surgery, they couldn't save my mom. As for the drunk driver, he lived and was able to walk away. They died in Montreal Medical Center where I grew up. Now I'm a junior in college here at Toronto's Ivy League College. My best friend, Jay, and I moved to Toronto just after we finished high school. We had been through so much together. From playing in the sandbox, to studying physcology, we were inseperable. That was until, midway our freshman year. Jay had commited suicide. One bullet took his life away.
After that I was pretty much on my own, well...except for my roommate, Erika. She's about five inches taller than me with dark, dark brown hair and eyes. As for myself, I'm five foot four inches. I have light brown hair and greenish-brown eyes. Since then, Erika and I have become pretty close. I guess you could say she's my new best friend, but no one could ever match my, Jay. Erika had gone with her boyfriend, Kyle, and her two other friends, Darrah and Jacqui, to Forest Hill as well. She had urged me to come along, but as stubborn and depressed as I am, I stayed here.
I heard the wind outside howling as if trying to break through. I shivered and left the window side. I was having another craving for hot chocolate. I had had six cups so far, and it's be seven soon.
I walked into my bedroom and changed into my Joe Boxer pajama pants and Toronto Tarheels hoodie. I grabbed my new Nikes and slipped them on. I took the tie out of my hair, which dropped over my shouldars. Once checking myself in the mirro, I opened the door, and enetered the empty hallway. It was even colder than my room. I followed it until I came to the staircase. Then it was into the cafeteria. It was completely vacant as Iwalked over to the hot chocolate machine. As I poured it into my cup, I felt my hands quickly warm up. I walked over to th eone of the cafe tables.
"Hey, you!" said a voice. "Why aren't you up at Forest Hill with the others?"
I turned around and it was Evan. He had sandy brown hair and baby blue eyes. He was about five foot seven inches, and he was here in Toronto studying computer science. Since I came to Toronto, Evan had become one of my best friends. That's when it occured to me that Evan wasn't at Forest Hill either.
"Hey," I said back trying to look as happy as possible. "I've got a lot on my mind. To be honest, I wasn't quite up for snowboarding." Unfortunately, my smile faded quickly. Evan knew what was wrong.
He was the only person who really understood me, and my problems. His dad died from heart diseasewhen he was four years old. Evan had an older sister, Kay, who was married and was a lawyer in Hartford, Conneticut. He also had a younger brother, Mitchel, who was still in high schoool. He would be graduating in June and will be going to college in Montreal. As for Evan's mother, she lived in a small town not too far from here.
"Yeah," he said. "I know you do, Jill."
I sighed and stirred my hot chocolate again.
"Mind if I join you?" asked Evan.
"Have seat, "I said. It was hard not to look at him, and I tired not to look upset. "So why aren't you at Forest Hill?"
"Oh, well I have to finish my computers project. So now I'm stuck here with you, Jill," he laughed.
For the first timer today I really did smile and giggle a bit. Evan could always make me laugh, and he's always someone you want around.
"I'm sorry, Evan, for you to be stuck here with me, but now you won't be lonely," I said laughing again.
"Right," he said. "Hey, how about you come oever to my campus and we hang out for a while?"
"Well, since I have nothing to do, why not?" I smiled.
We got up and left the cafeteria. At least I was going to have aome company. I followed Evan through the hallways. On the other side of the grounds was Evan's place. It was slightly smaller than mine. It had a tinier bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen. The den was pretty big though. He had a good sense of style and taste, too.
I sat myself down on the couch, but I still felt nervous.
"Are you okay, Jill?" Evan asked. He knew exactly what was wrong, but pretended not to.
"I'm fine. I'm just tired and...," I began.
"It's your parents, Jill. I'm relaly sorry, but you have to try to move on," he said as his own smile faded.
"It's okay, Evan--- don't be sorry, I'm just overreacting again, " I replied.
"Do you want to talk about it" he asked becoming more concerned.
I thought about it and nodded my head; and my eyes filled with tears. I had never really talked to anyone about them much. Not even to Erika. There were even some things that I couldn't tell her.
"I just really miss them a lot, "I said sniffling. "It's been really hard with, Jay, gone, too. Since I don't have any siblings or relatives, I've mostly been alone."
"It's going to be okay, Jill," he started. "You have people who care about you very much."
"Like who?" I asked.
"Well, like me," he hesitated and then continued. "and Erika, Kyle, Darrah, Jacqui, and Adam. We all care about you. Don't ever think you're alone because you're not. You'll always have us."
I stopped crying and realized he was right. I did have people who cared about me, and Evan did care the most.
"You'll always miss your parents. You'll always miss that special bond you had with, Jay. But, Jill, now it's time to move on. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're a junior in college. You will be graduating before you know it," Evan said as he handed me a tissue.
I wiped my eyes and then felt a small, throbbing pain in my head. I massaged my temples and Evan went into the kitchen. He brought back two advils and a glass of water. I swallowed them, and the conversation fell into n awkward silence. Then I broke it.
"Thanks, Evan," I replied in a meek voice.
"Anytime you need me, Jill, I'm here for you---no matter what," he said back to me. "So what do you say we head to Forest Hill tomorrow? Classes are cancelled for this whole week!"
"What about your project?" I asked.
"That project can wait," he said.
"Wel..."
"Come on, Jill. You know you want to," he grinned.
I smiled, "Alright! Tomorrow we'll go to Forest Hill."
"Good," he said. "I'll be knocking on your door at 6 A.M. tomorrow. You better be ready!"
"Okay," I said back.
It was around 8:30 P.M. and I was pretty tired and Decided to go home. I gave him a hug good-bye and said thank you for everything he had done for me.
I walked back to my room to see that there was a message on my answering machine. I sat on the couch and played the tape. It was Erika.
"Hey, Jill! Forest Hill is great! It's a shame you didn't come. Today we went snowboarding, and had dinner at the "Snowed-In", one of the diners there. Look, I know you're upset about your parents, but you have to move on and get passed all that. Now you have us---your friends. Anway, we're leaving tomorrow because of the------"
The message was cute short, and I realized it was the end of the tape. So tomorrow Erika and the otehr would be coming home, and Evan and I will be heading there.
I was very exhausted and plopped down on my bed. I started thinking about Evan and the trip. I realized I need to pack. In the back of my closet was my high school hockey bag. I had a brief flashback of when I was little. I remembered my parents teaching me how to ice skate. Then I saw my father showing me how to shoot the puck with the precise snap of the wrist. I had played during high school with the girls. Then the memory faded. I stuffed some stufff into my bag, and went to bed.
I woke up at six and got ready. It was 6:30 when I heard Evan's knock.
"Hey! Ready to go?" he asked.
That's when it happened. I felt dizzy and my mind became a blur. Then an image began to become clearer. I saw me and Evan. We were at Forest Hill. It was snowing and snowing, and we were at the log cabin. We were trapped, and the snow piled up around the house. There was no way out. We were captured in the blizzard. I had become sick, and our hope and faith was all lost. I was going crazy, and thinking that we would die out there. But then I heard a voice tell me, "What more do you have to live for, Jill?" Then the vision died.
"Jill? Jill, what's the matter? Are you okay?" asked Evan.
"Um, yeah. I was thinking to see if I forgot anything," I said.
"Alright, then let's go," he said.
Premonition? or scary daydream? or the future to come? I didn't know, but I was starting to have second thoughts. I began to get dizzy again, but managed to get into Evan's car.
"What's the matter with myself?" I whispered. "What the hell is going on with my mind?"
You couldn't see the ground because of all of the snow. It was about a foot and a half deep. I could feel a draft through the window in which I looked. It was pretty chilly outside here in Toronto, Canada. All of my classes were cancelled, and I had spent the day on the computer and on the phone. Practically everyone was heading to Forest Hill to go snowboarding. Oh, how I really wanted to go. But since my parents died four weeks ago, I've been unbearably dpressed. I remember that day when they were hit by a drunk driver.
It was a Tuesday night. They were coming home from food shopping. Their small Toyota wassitting at a red light. A drunk driver hit them in a head-on collision. My dad had died instantly. Even with sven hours of surgery, they couldn't save my mom. As for the drunk driver, he lived and was able to walk away. They died in Montreal Medical Center where I grew up. Now I'm a junior in college here at Toronto's Ivy League College. My best friend, Jay, and I moved to Toronto just after we finished high school. We had been through so much together. From playing in the sandbox, to studying physcology, we were inseperable. That was until, midway our freshman year. Jay had commited suicide. One bullet took his life away.
After that I was pretty much on my own, well...except for my roommate, Erika. She's about five inches taller than me with dark, dark brown hair and eyes. As for myself, I'm five foot four inches. I have light brown hair and greenish-brown eyes. Since then, Erika and I have become pretty close. I guess you could say she's my new best friend, but no one could ever match my, Jay. Erika had gone with her boyfriend, Kyle, and her two other friends, Darrah and Jacqui, to Forest Hill as well. She had urged me to come along, but as stubborn and depressed as I am, I stayed here.
I heard the wind outside howling as if trying to break through. I shivered and left the window side. I was having another craving for hot chocolate. I had had six cups so far, and it's be seven soon.
I walked into my bedroom and changed into my Joe Boxer pajama pants and Toronto Tarheels hoodie. I grabbed my new Nikes and slipped them on. I took the tie out of my hair, which dropped over my shouldars. Once checking myself in the mirro, I opened the door, and enetered the empty hallway. It was even colder than my room. I followed it until I came to the staircase. Then it was into the cafeteria. It was completely vacant as Iwalked over to the hot chocolate machine. As I poured it into my cup, I felt my hands quickly warm up. I walked over to th eone of the cafe tables.
"Hey, you!" said a voice. "Why aren't you up at Forest Hill with the others?"
I turned around and it was Evan. He had sandy brown hair and baby blue eyes. He was about five foot seven inches, and he was here in Toronto studying computer science. Since I came to Toronto, Evan had become one of my best friends. That's when it occured to me that Evan wasn't at Forest Hill either.
"Hey," I said back trying to look as happy as possible. "I've got a lot on my mind. To be honest, I wasn't quite up for snowboarding." Unfortunately, my smile faded quickly. Evan knew what was wrong.
He was the only person who really understood me, and my problems. His dad died from heart diseasewhen he was four years old. Evan had an older sister, Kay, who was married and was a lawyer in Hartford, Conneticut. He also had a younger brother, Mitchel, who was still in high schoool. He would be graduating in June and will be going to college in Montreal. As for Evan's mother, she lived in a small town not too far from here.
"Yeah," he said. "I know you do, Jill."
I sighed and stirred my hot chocolate again.
"Mind if I join you?" asked Evan.
"Have seat, "I said. It was hard not to look at him, and I tired not to look upset. "So why aren't you at Forest Hill?"
"Oh, well I have to finish my computers project. So now I'm stuck here with you, Jill," he laughed.
For the first timer today I really did smile and giggle a bit. Evan could always make me laugh, and he's always someone you want around.
"I'm sorry, Evan, for you to be stuck here with me, but now you won't be lonely," I said laughing again.
"Right," he said. "Hey, how about you come oever to my campus and we hang out for a while?"
"Well, since I have nothing to do, why not?" I smiled.
We got up and left the cafeteria. At least I was going to have aome company. I followed Evan through the hallways. On the other side of the grounds was Evan's place. It was slightly smaller than mine. It had a tinier bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen. The den was pretty big though. He had a good sense of style and taste, too.
I sat myself down on the couch, but I still felt nervous.
"Are you okay, Jill?" Evan asked. He knew exactly what was wrong, but pretended not to.
"I'm fine. I'm just tired and...," I began.
"It's your parents, Jill. I'm relaly sorry, but you have to try to move on," he said as his own smile faded.
"It's okay, Evan--- don't be sorry, I'm just overreacting again, " I replied.
"Do you want to talk about it" he asked becoming more concerned.
I thought about it and nodded my head; and my eyes filled with tears. I had never really talked to anyone about them much. Not even to Erika. There were even some things that I couldn't tell her.
"I just really miss them a lot, "I said sniffling. "It's been really hard with, Jay, gone, too. Since I don't have any siblings or relatives, I've mostly been alone."
"It's going to be okay, Jill," he started. "You have people who care about you very much."
"Like who?" I asked.
"Well, like me," he hesitated and then continued. "and Erika, Kyle, Darrah, Jacqui, and Adam. We all care about you. Don't ever think you're alone because you're not. You'll always have us."
I stopped crying and realized he was right. I did have people who cared about me, and Evan did care the most.
"You'll always miss your parents. You'll always miss that special bond you had with, Jay. But, Jill, now it's time to move on. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're a junior in college. You will be graduating before you know it," Evan said as he handed me a tissue.
I wiped my eyes and then felt a small, throbbing pain in my head. I massaged my temples and Evan went into the kitchen. He brought back two advils and a glass of water. I swallowed them, and the conversation fell into n awkward silence. Then I broke it.
"Thanks, Evan," I replied in a meek voice.
"Anytime you need me, Jill, I'm here for you---no matter what," he said back to me. "So what do you say we head to Forest Hill tomorrow? Classes are cancelled for this whole week!"
"What about your project?" I asked.
"That project can wait," he said.
"Wel..."
"Come on, Jill. You know you want to," he grinned.
I smiled, "Alright! Tomorrow we'll go to Forest Hill."
"Good," he said. "I'll be knocking on your door at 6 A.M. tomorrow. You better be ready!"
"Okay," I said back.
It was around 8:30 P.M. and I was pretty tired and Decided to go home. I gave him a hug good-bye and said thank you for everything he had done for me.
I walked back to my room to see that there was a message on my answering machine. I sat on the couch and played the tape. It was Erika.
"Hey, Jill! Forest Hill is great! It's a shame you didn't come. Today we went snowboarding, and had dinner at the "Snowed-In", one of the diners there. Look, I know you're upset about your parents, but you have to move on and get passed all that. Now you have us---your friends. Anway, we're leaving tomorrow because of the------"
The message was cute short, and I realized it was the end of the tape. So tomorrow Erika and the otehr would be coming home, and Evan and I will be heading there.
I was very exhausted and plopped down on my bed. I started thinking about Evan and the trip. I realized I need to pack. In the back of my closet was my high school hockey bag. I had a brief flashback of when I was little. I remembered my parents teaching me how to ice skate. Then I saw my father showing me how to shoot the puck with the precise snap of the wrist. I had played during high school with the girls. Then the memory faded. I stuffed some stufff into my bag, and went to bed.
I woke up at six and got ready. It was 6:30 when I heard Evan's knock.
"Hey! Ready to go?" he asked.
That's when it happened. I felt dizzy and my mind became a blur. Then an image began to become clearer. I saw me and Evan. We were at Forest Hill. It was snowing and snowing, and we were at the log cabin. We were trapped, and the snow piled up around the house. There was no way out. We were captured in the blizzard. I had become sick, and our hope and faith was all lost. I was going crazy, and thinking that we would die out there. But then I heard a voice tell me, "What more do you have to live for, Jill?" Then the vision died.
"Jill? Jill, what's the matter? Are you okay?" asked Evan.
"Um, yeah. I was thinking to see if I forgot anything," I said.
"Alright, then let's go," he said.
Premonition? or scary daydream? or the future to come? I didn't know, but I was starting to have second thoughts. I began to get dizzy again, but managed to get into Evan's car.
"What's the matter with myself?" I whispered. "What the hell is going on with my mind?"