Agent Michael Scarn and the Incredibly Hot but Deadly Ice Queen
“Pam, can you come in her a second?” A voice yelled from Michael’s office.
“Jim! Pam! You shouldn’t be in there! That’s not your office!” Dwight called after the pretty brunette as she followed the sound of her boyfriend’s voice into her boss’s office, quickly shutting the door shut behind her.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Well, remember that day that we found Michaels screenplay?” He smiled mischievously.
“How I could forget?”
“Well, I was looking for the expense reports and…I found the sequel. Its not finished yet though.”
“Oh my gosh!” She giggled, running over to where Jim was standing.
“What do you say we get everyone together to read over this one? For old times sake.”
Pam grabbed the screenplay out of Jim hand and began to flip through it. She laughed and grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the small room.
Later…
“Okay, does everyone have their copy of ‘Agent Michael Scarn and the Incredibly Hot but Deadly Ice Queen’?”
Everyone in the conference room nodded.
“Right, okay then…Pam, you will be playing the lovely Janice Lemonson. Kevin, you get to be Agent Michael Scarn.”
“All right! Pam is hot.”
“Angela, you can b-”
“No.”
“Then Kelly, you can be Huntress, Janice’s evil but hot assistant. Andy, you can play Dave Grommet, the evil mastermind that is controlling Janice and Huntress with his hypnosis powers. Toby, are you okay with being Ryan, Michael’s hunky side kick?
Toby reluctantly nodded.
“And I, of course, will read stage directions. Is everyone ready?”
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Agent Michael Scarn
And the Incredibly Hot but Deadly Ice Queen
Scene 1
The door opens, and a handsomely striking agent enters the room.
Michael Scarn: You wanted to see me?
Janice Lemonson: Yes. I miss your body. Come over here and kiss me you hunk.
Michael Scarn: Are you sure? I could get in trouble.
Janice Lemonson: You’re so handsomely striking Agent Scarn.
Michael Scarn: Okay then.
Agent Michael Scarn sweeps Janice Lemonson off her feet and kisses her passionately.
Janice Lemonson: Oh Agent!
A really hot blond girl with a speaker in her ear enters the room.
Huntress: Janice! Mr. Grommet wants to see you in his office.
Janice Lemonson: Coming Huntress! Goodbye Agent Scarn. I will see you later.
Huntress and Janice Lemonson exit. Agent Michael Scarn pulls out a really high tech cell phone.
Michael Scarn: Ryan? I’m lonely. I’m at HQ. Yes I want you to come! You are my sidekick! Yes, okay. Hurry!
The cell phone magically vanishes as Ryan enters.
Ryan: You called?
Michael Scarn: You’re looking very pretty today Ryan.
Ryan: How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t love you Mr.Scarn?
Michael Scarn: What? I didn’t mean pretty like that. I love Janice.
Ryan: Okay. Where is she anyway?
Michael Scarn: She went to a meeting with Dave Grommet and Huntress.
Ryan: Oh no! You didn’t get the email?
Michael Scarn: What email?
Ryan: Dave Grommet has gained hypnosis powers while at a paper conference in Russia. He is evil now!
Michael Scarn: That’s not possible. Janice is pure good.
Ryan glares at Agent Michael Scarn and leaves the room. Agent Michael Scarn follows.
Scene 2
Dave Grommet: I have you now Janice!
Janice Lemonson: You can’t do this!
Dave Grommet: Yes I can. I have hypnosis powers.
Janice Lemonson: If you are going to hypnotize me, please tell Agent Scarn that I love him.
Dave Grommet: No way dude. Why would I tell him that when it is I that is in love with you?
Janice Lemonson: You love me?
Dave Grommet: Of course! But that doesn’t matter now, does it? I’m evil! Evilness knows no love.
Dave Grommet sends hypno-beams out of his eyes and hypnotizes Janice Lemonson.
Huntress: NOOOOOOOO!
Dave Grommet: You will now do my bidding.
Janice Lemonson: I will know do your bidding.
Dave Grommet: When I untie you, you will kill Agent Michael Scarn.
Janice Lemonson: I will kill Michael Scarn.
Huntress: I won’t let her do that! She loves him you loser!
Dave Grommet: Then I will hypnotize you as well!
Dave Grommet sends hypno-beams out of his eyes and hypnotizes Huntress.
Dave Grommet: I will now untie you both, and you will both seduce Agent Michael Scarn, but it is Janice who will kill him. Do you understand?
Dave Grommet unties Janice Lemonson and Huntress, and the two babes leave the room.
Scene 3
Janice Lemonson and Huntress enter.
Janice Lemonson: Hello darling.
Huntress: Hey hot stuff.
Michael Scarn: Hey you two. What are you doing here?
Janice Lemonson sits on Agent Michael Scarns lap.
Janice Lemonson: We both decided that we want you.
Huntress: Yes, we want you. Bad.
Michael Scarn: Whoa, slow down there Huntress. I love Janice.
Huntress: Can’t you love us both?
Janice Lemonson: Yes Michael, you can have us both.
Michael Scarn: Did Dave hypnotize you guys?
Huntress: What gave you that idea?
Huntress kisses Agent Michael Scarn.
Michael Scarn: I have two smoking hot women on me. That happens all the time, but not when I’m with Janice.
Huntress: I love you Agent.
Ryan comes rushing in the room.
Ryan: Sorry ladies, he’s mine.
Ryan: Sorry ladies, you won’t be killing this agent today.
Huntress and Janice Lemonson punch a giant hole in the ceiling and escape through it.
Huntress: We’ll meet again Scarn!
Michael Scarn: Thank you Ryan. You deserve a blo-
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They all stopped reading and looked at each other.
“Wow…that’s just…wow.” Pam said, awestruck.
“Janice sounds really hot.”
“Kevin! That is inappropriate! Janice is Jan! Didn’t you understand that at all you big oaf?” Angela exclaimed.
“Angela, baby, calm down.”
“I told you not to call me that in public.” She whispered to Andy.
“Okay everyone, maybe we should just…stop reading.” Jim began to recover from the shock of Michael’s last line.
“That’s probably best. Michael and Dwight should be back before too long anyway.” Toby stood and left the room, while the others followed.
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that’s like, what Michael wanted to do to Ryan! My Ryan! Well, my old Ryan. That is like, so gay, ya’know? And he didn’t even, like, cross that line out! There’s no way Ryan would have gone for that.” Kelly chattered as she went back to her desk.
Soon after they had all made it back to their desks, Michael and Dwight skipped in.
“Hey guys, how was your day?” Michaels question was met by numerous giggles. “What’s going on?” Dwight demanded.
“Nothing Dwight. You might want to watch your back around Michael for awhile though. Don’t save his life or anything, okay?”
Dwight just stared in confusion as Jim walked over to the coat rack, grasped Pam by the hand, and left.
“Michael?”
“Hmm?”
“What are they talking about?”
“No clue. I’m gonna go call m’lady.”
Michael locked the door to his office and pulled out his copy of the screenplay and began to write, and at that moment he had never cared less about Jan, because he was wrapped up in his lovely Ryan fantasy. But of course, he loved Jan more. No duh. At least he thought he did. He probably did. Yeah. He did.