(no subject)

Aug 23, 2005 22:32

We started packing the shit at the apartment today. It was umm, upsetting to say the least for a good amount of reasons, but I managed to hold it together long enough to get a good amount of shit done. Then the waterworks started, but its natural I guess, to be afraid of what you don't know is gonna happen. Theres no cushion, no backup plan. But you suck it all up and continue on with business, and I guess what doesn't kill you (or even maim you) makes you stronger. This obviously won't kill me, but its enough to make me wonder, or even second guess. I just wonder what happens from here. I've been keeping myself so busy I really haven't had much time to feel. Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong, I just hope it doesn't hinder my ability to step back and see things for what they really are. If you spend too much time wrapped up in emotion, you get trapped in a world that isn't really real. And I can't let that happen. Because I never ever wanna be in this position again. You can care about someone to an extent, but you'll learn again and again that the only person you can truly trust, is yourself. I'm hoping this is the first and last of this lesson that I'll learn. Because some things are just more important.

I've got enough things to keep my mind occupied, I'm just hoping that if my grandfather dies (which it appears he's nearing the end), there won't be a problem attending to the funeral and the family thing because my situation has to be all gay and shit. Hang in there Papa, I dunno if I can handle you dying yet. If anyone works at a place with boxes, I need boxes. We have a lot of shit to pack and trash bags only go so far. Like I said before wish me luck, I've got some magic to work. But like they say, every cloud has a silver lining. Or some shit like that I thought that was always kinda gay, but things always do turn out alright, and I can't WAIT. It's gonna rock. I'm gonna have a party, and we're ALL INVITED!
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