men.
dear person of the opposite sex,
so this is how it is, i don't have a boyfriend - this i know. however, i recently was reminded of a good reason why i am single. last night my sister andher boyfriend had a little fight, nothing major like one of them lied. it was simply because my sister was always taking the first step to call him, and im him. she was beginning to get really upset. & thats when it dawned on me. why trust men?
i've realized in all of my relationships, i've doubted all feeling that they have had for me. for some reason, i view men as people with no emotions. why? i have never thought a man to be 100% genuine about me. sometimes, not even close. i am always wondering what they are doing on their time away from me - cause i am convinced they are not thinking at me - and probably wondering if they can get the number of the next pretty girl to walk by them.
i really wish i didn't think this way, but then it leads to me. i don't think i am worthy of being love. in all seriousness, i believe i have nothing to offer a man. i look around, and i see boyfriends doing really cute things for girls - like kisses on the forhead, holding them from behind, or just holding their hand like they never want to let go. i have never thought that someone has thought of me that way.
i mean, i know i am not gorgeous and i don't have the best body - but i believe i am a good person. for once in my love, i just want to be sincerely loved by someone i love.
going into boston usually makes me realize this cause i see all the cute couples walking through the commons together and i always feel envy - i long for what they have.
i understand i am still young, but in my 17 years of living, i've never felt like i complete someone in a way that they need me and want me. is it wrong for a girl to just want to be loved?
i am ending this entry before i let out all my fears and weaknesses to the world. and there is no offense to any of the guys i've dated in the past - but you know just as well as i do - i did not give you that feeling. i wish i did, and i wish something better came of us - but things happen for a reason. you're all great people though.
sincerely,
kate*