(no subject)
I don't know were to start, and I don't know why I'm writing this.
I don't like to expose my feelings often, but for some reason I do it, and I always use the same lame method.
I tell a computer screen I'm angry and upset and don't know if this is right.
So, I'll do it again because it's what I'm comfortable with.
I guess I'll start out telling you what you already know.
You might know it from experience or because you've heard me say it before:
I have a knack for getting really close to people, being really clingy, then pushing them away.
Well, either I push them away or they get sick of me.
Another thing you might know is that I get upset rather easily about the smallest things, then they explode into something much more big.
I do this often and as much as I wish I could help it, I can't.
It's simply the way I am.
I find myself doing that a lot recently.
I get angry, stressed and upset.
I cry about ridiculous things.
I can't sleep.
I can't even talk to the people who upset me,
even though they quite often are the closest people to my heart.
When I find myself opening up, I find myself being shot down.
I tell you everything about myself, my life, in detail.
You give me a summary in just a few words.
I try to show you I care, I'm constantly trying to show you.
It seems the times you only try to show me you care are a small few.
You should be able to guess when these moments are.
I try to involve you in most every aspect of my life,
but hardly ever see you doing the same.
When I want to see you, I find that I must go to great length's to do so at times.
However, given that someone else might want to see you, you're so much more accessible.
Then I realize maybe you don't want this.
The constant phone calls with a full review of my day.
Maybe you don't want to hang out with my friends.
Maybe I'm too clingy.
[Actually, I know I am.]
and you apparently don't want me to be as involved in your life as I might want.
You seem to think that I should be able to talk to you when things like this bug me.
I can't.
You can tell when things get like this,
but you show no sign that you actually care.
It's when I'm not with you that I realize how much this doesn't seem to work.
How much it doesn't feel right.
At the same time I can't imagine my life without you.
I can't imagine myself this close to anyone else.
I'm not lying when I try to tell you how much I care,
but I probably am lying when I say I'm fine.
[But you know that.]
I could keep going on like this,
but I feel so negative.
This isn't as bad as it probably seems.
On another note:
I've come in contact with a great old friend the past few days.
We've had a pretty bumpy road over the past four months.
I feel like things will be better from now on though.
I managed to talk, even though I felt I said too much.
I was afraid of making things worse,
but I think they're improving.
I only hope you can open up to me as much as I feel I have you.
You're one of my favorite people I know,
and golly have I missed you!
=)
I don't like to expose my feelings often, but for some reason I do it, and I always use the same lame method.
I tell a computer screen I'm angry and upset and don't know if this is right.
So, I'll do it again because it's what I'm comfortable with.
I guess I'll start out telling you what you already know.
You might know it from experience or because you've heard me say it before:
I have a knack for getting really close to people, being really clingy, then pushing them away.
Well, either I push them away or they get sick of me.
Another thing you might know is that I get upset rather easily about the smallest things, then they explode into something much more big.
I do this often and as much as I wish I could help it, I can't.
It's simply the way I am.
I find myself doing that a lot recently.
I get angry, stressed and upset.
I cry about ridiculous things.
I can't sleep.
I can't even talk to the people who upset me,
even though they quite often are the closest people to my heart.
When I find myself opening up, I find myself being shot down.
I tell you everything about myself, my life, in detail.
You give me a summary in just a few words.
I try to show you I care, I'm constantly trying to show you.
It seems the times you only try to show me you care are a small few.
You should be able to guess when these moments are.
I try to involve you in most every aspect of my life,
but hardly ever see you doing the same.
When I want to see you, I find that I must go to great length's to do so at times.
However, given that someone else might want to see you, you're so much more accessible.
Then I realize maybe you don't want this.
The constant phone calls with a full review of my day.
Maybe you don't want to hang out with my friends.
Maybe I'm too clingy.
[Actually, I know I am.]
and you apparently don't want me to be as involved in your life as I might want.
You seem to think that I should be able to talk to you when things like this bug me.
I can't.
You can tell when things get like this,
but you show no sign that you actually care.
It's when I'm not with you that I realize how much this doesn't seem to work.
How much it doesn't feel right.
At the same time I can't imagine my life without you.
I can't imagine myself this close to anyone else.
I'm not lying when I try to tell you how much I care,
but I probably am lying when I say I'm fine.
[But you know that.]
I could keep going on like this,
but I feel so negative.
This isn't as bad as it probably seems.
On another note:
I've come in contact with a great old friend the past few days.
We've had a pretty bumpy road over the past four months.
I feel like things will be better from now on though.
I managed to talk, even though I felt I said too much.
I was afraid of making things worse,
but I think they're improving.
I only hope you can open up to me as much as I feel I have you.
You're one of my favorite people I know,
and golly have I missed you!
=)